I was going to name this post Jamaican' Me Crazy..But it seemed like something cheesy Belly would say so I changed my mind.
I worked at one on my 1400 jobs on Friday. I'm a cashier at a night club sometimes..whenever they feel like it..slackers.
Usually my night would consist of:
Sitting around lookin' cute
Yelling at drunk people
Letting the owner bring me numerous drinks (He obviously doesn't care about accuracy)
Getting paid for being a slack ass - Just like my day job
Well this particular evening, the promoter already had a "cashier" (aka some drunk dude) so I basically assisted them.
Somehow they talked me in to running in and out of the booth giving people backstage passes..look dammit, I had high heeled boots on and was not prepared for all that shit. One of the promoters kept coming into the VERY small booth, talking real close to my face..I was thinking to myself: If this bastard spits on me ONE MORE time..I'm kicking his ass. He smelled like a combination of jamaican beef patties and ass crack.
Another guy came in but he smelled and looked MUCH better than his gross friend. He was speaking some sort of patois that pretty much lulled me to sleep.
I not sure what the hell he was saying, shit, he could have been telling me he wanted me to do naked back flips off his motel ceiling fan..but it sounded good either way and he said I was beautiful...awww..he probably just wanted some ass.
The Other Half decided he wanted to come by so I made him bring me my trusty Nike's. Once he got there, I regretted inviting him. He was ALREADY drunk and he was talking so fucking loud, people were staring. He kept asking for a kiss..we NEVER kiss in public.
He then took the liberty to invite a million friends and insisted that I let them in....begging me in his loud, drunk person voice...I swear, if I didn't love him....
Anyway, the show was for Buju Banton, he's like the Michael Jackson of Reggae music (before Michael got all weird). I wandered my way into the club (under the guise of "getting something for the manager") and waited till he performed..when he stepped on stage it was like Jesus himself showed up..the Jamaicans went crazy..there was even a guy there waving a Jamaican flag (how the hell did he get in here with a fucking flag??).
I'm not sure if you're aware but they like to light their lighters to show support..not the usual Motley Crue - power ballad lighter flame...more like an INFERNO FROM HADES type of flame.
Even though my weave is made from human hair, I decided it wasn't exactly a good idea to be around all that fire, let alone all the ganja weed in the air.
I told y'all before that I've never smoked anything before and I STILL have a headache from the contact high.