Thursday, May 31, 2007

New Neighbors Suck Ass

Wow..I've been off work for 4's my first day back and it sucks.

During my time off, while I wandered around the mall for 3 hours, I could see why some stay at home moms take to shooting heroin..BEING OFF WORK WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE IS WORKING IS NO FUN!!!

Before my shift changed, I used to bitch and moan that I had "no time to do anything" that I have the time..I don't WANT to do dad.

But anywhoo...Last Thursday, I noticed that someone had rented the vacant apartment downstairs..and oh shit, they had kids..damn it!!!

For the past 3 years, there had been only single adults living down there and it had been a pretty quiet building, for the most part.
I watched the platinum blonde Hispanic lady force two young boys ( I mean like 8 and 9 years old) to move her raggedy, cheap hotel room looking furniture out of the back of a pick up truck. The poor kids were struggling while she and some guy stood there are barked orders at them.
At one point the smallest kid tried to move this HUGE dining table and it fell off of the truck. She, of course, just stood there and the older kid helped him roll it up the stoop stairs and into the house..what a bitch!!!

So I sat there wondering how soon I would have to call DFCS (Division of Family and Children Services) on this broad.
Later on that evening I got my chance:
After she got all the furniture in, the two boys played outside on their Razr scooter..there were getting a little to close to my car so I watched them a little. I got bored and watched some TV but when I looked out there of those fuckers was LAYING across the fender of my car...arrrgggg!! I opened the window and asked him to "please get off of my car"..he says: "huh??" so I said it again, a little louder..he then says "huh" I'm pissed..."TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY CAR!!!!" I say.
He looks up at me and says: "uh,OK"..little bastard..ok maybe that was mean...he did look kind of scared of me.
I went back to my tv watching but then the kids started yelling and running and slamming doors and shit..oh hell no
Then they started running up and down the stairs in front of my door and screwing around with my flower pots..since they HAPPEN to live DOWNstairs, why the hell are they UPstairs in front of my fucking was about 10:45 pm ON A SCHOOL NIGHT!! I yanked the door opened and glared at them(somehow, two boys had morphed and spawned into two ADDITIONAL kids)

Me: Shouldn't you be in bed by now???
Junior Hoodlums: Yes
Me: Well get away from door and don't come back up here again!!
Junior Hoodlums: ok...*insert numerous rumbling footsteps and me slamming my front door here*

...The bullshitting and yelling continued (the slack ass mother was on a walkie talkie yelling at them to come back, they answered her by saying "we don't give a shit") so I considered calling the cops. I waited until 11:30pm and called the local non-emergency number. The officer stated that in our county, the curfew is 11:00pm. I let them know that I had a concern about some unsupervised children running around and that I'd call back if they didn't go in soon.
I tried to go to sleep but they kept it up. I finally had enough of this shit and I called the cops. When they pulled up, their slack ass mother happened to be standing there..first thing out of her mouth:
Slack Ass Mother: Hi Officer, you've been getting a lot of complaints, huh?
Officer: Well ma'am we received a report of numerous unsupervised children in the street
Slack Ass Mother: *smackin' her teeth* Uhgh, they're NOT unsupervised!!
Officer: Well ma'am why are they out at this time of night??
Slack Ass Mother: Well they're not all my kids, My sister just had a baby and she dropped off three of her kids and then my brother dropped off his two and everybody just left a few minutes ago..blah blah (this bitch is SOOOO lying, these kids have been outside for hours!!)
Officer: Look, it's late, don't you think these kids should be in bed by now
Slack Ass Mother: Uh, ok, maybe you're right..blah blah, lie lie, blah
Officer: Keep your kids QUIET and IN THE HOUSE!!!
Slack Ass Mother: Oh sure officer, sorry to make you come out here..blah blah

So the cops leave as she's coralling them into the apartment..did I mention that it is a TWO BEDROOM apartment??? so sad...

Oh but wait..I'm not finished..should I break here so you can get a cup of coffee or maybe a bowl of ice cream??...ok, I'll wait.....

Ok, so you're back. The next night I heard her flirting with the guy that lives below us...he's seems to own a pool/landscaping company..(big ass work trucks all in my parking space and such). In the midst of her flirting, she says: "I think the people upstairs called the cops on me the other night". The guy said: " Well I don't know much about them so..who knows?"
She then said.."sometimes it makes me want to...urrrgh!!"

I guess this is where she must have made some sort of choking gesture in my direction, maybe it was "the finger"...whatever bitch..bring it on

Then she continued to flirt while her 7,000 children ran roughshot all through the doorway..I guess men just don't give a damn how many bad ass kids you have..pussy is the #1 goal..I have since confirmed this with a few male co-workers..again, so sad.

Ok!! Cut to a couple of days after THAT conversation, the kids have been relatively quiet and I haven't seen the sorry ass mother around..maybe they moved..hope so...
Me and The Other Half are sitting around on Memorial Day..just chillaxin in bed, when all of a sudden, we hear knocking at the front I made TOH look out the peep hole and he whispers back at me "It's that broad from down stairs..and a whole bunch of kids"..again, wtf?? We decide that we won't answer it and head back to the bedroom...MORE KNOCKING, as if somebody's dying or some shit.

Pissed (as he should be), TOH yanks the door open and that cow from downstairs says:
Slack Ass Mother: Oh hi!! Sorry to bother you, but I can't find the keys to the truck (the truck that some sorry ass dude that spends the night there owns) and I need some COFFEE...yeah this bitch knocked on my door for 5 minutes for some god damned coffee????!!!
TOH closed the door on her and waited there - for me to do something-..I wanted to kill him..why didn't he just tell her we didn't have any damn coffee?? Cuz he's a stupid man, taht's why.

So since I'm trying to be a good neighbor (stop laughing), I put a couple of grounds in a ziploc and let TOH hand it to her. She said something to the efect of "Thank You" and shuffled her dumb ass back downstairs...

Me and TOH deduced that she was just being nosy..trying to see what "The uptight bastards upstairs" looked like thinking maybe she could intimidate us. I would have paid a million dollars to see the look on her face when she saw TOH's big, tall, football neck-havin' ass open the door...then again, her whorish self might have liked it.

Oh don't think it's over....

Tuesday, I came home to find all 8 of the kids playing in the parking parent in sight..scattering like roaches.
I found myself parking about 5 spaces away from my front door..cuz these hoodlums always get too close to my car.
Anyway..what do I see when I start walking to my doorway???


Yes, I said ass nekked. This broad's youngest, who's about 1, maybe two years old, was walking around, IN A PARKING LOT, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT with nothing covering her little ass. I asked her where 1. her pants were and 2. where her mommy was

She just stared at me then she gave me a little shrug. The slightly older child that was supposedly watching her said "you're naked again??"

I was SO pissed off that I had to take a deep breath. As I was going upstairs, the stupid ass momma comes out of her piss smelling apartment trying to act all responsible..."Kids, pick up all your stuff from the doorway and bring the baby in and blah blah blah..she's a stupid, neglectful cow.
LATER ON THAT EVENING, I see the "mother" directing the children to unload yet another truck full of what looked to be trash (actually it was clothes but trash sounded better) and guess who was out there helping???

BINGO!! It was "ass nekked child"...nekked, again. Poor thing was trying to climb up on the tailgate of the truck, nekked as a jaybird.
I REALLY worry about all the pedophiles that could be watching her around here..her mother doesn't seem to give a single, solitary shit about her..fucking sad.

I told our apt. complex's manager about her..we'll see what happens.

I swear, If I see that little girl nekked outside ONE more time, I'm calling DFCS on her mother..who by the way, claims that the kids are not hers..but for some strange reason, they all call her "mama".
Hmmm..mama must be some sort of term of endearment where she's from.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Lunch and Vomit

Belly bounced his fat ass in here today at lunch time with some vile Thai salad from the nearest fast food joint....Yeah, he's a foodie for sure.

It smelled like cigarette butts and assholes.

But he just kept spoutin' off about how good it was.."Oh yum..smack smack, mmmm, smack, yummy, crunch"

May I please vomit now???

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Long Time No Blog

Maybe you've wondered where I have been..maybe not.

My shift changed and now I'm on a 10 hour, 4 times a week schedule..which includes a Saturday..(fucking ridiculous) but I can't quit so oh well...unfortunately I still have to see Belly because he switched to the "late night" shift - so I'm still stuck with him from when he comes in at 1pm till I leave at 7:30 pm..yeck...luckily he's been kind of quiet though - he claims he's "going through a divorce".

I reminded him that he once said that if he left his wife, the kids would likely "starve to death because she's such an unfit, neglectful mother". He said he remembered saying that but that he didn't really care anymore..I then asked him about child support and he gave me some bullshit story about how his lawyer is finding a way for him to NOT pay..what an asshole...and a deadbeat..

Anyway, lately I just haven't felt like blogging OKAY?? I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm cranky and I wanna slap somebody!!

This schizophrenic moment was brought to by Haldol

*Linka72 now bows fully at the waist and says "Thank You" in a strange English accent*

P.S. Belly smells like lunch meat - haaackk!!!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Quick Thought

I was in the dollar store the other day and guess what I saw:

Pregnancy Tests

Yes, pregnancy tests...what in the blue hell??

Can you really trust the accuracy of a test that comes in a sun-faded box???

Just a thought....

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Old People Are Fun

The people in my new Swim Aerobics class are rowdy and belligerent....


My work schedule changed recently (more on THAT bullshit later) so I had to switch to a Monday morning class.

My newest observation: Monday morning Swim Aerobics class at Bally Total Fitness is like a nightclub/orgy for old people.

I got there a little early and while I was swimming around, the rest of the class started showing up. I thought it would just be a few little old ladies, but to my surprise, a few little old men showed would have thought they were rock stars by the way the ladies were greeting them...freakin hilarious.
By the middle of the class, the rowdy meter was at about 7..they were all talking and laughing and shit. Then the instructor had us do some punching moves under the water:

Instructor: "Imagine yourself punching somebody..who would you like to punch today?"
Old Black Lady: YOU!!
Rest Of Class: *Cackling like hyenas*
Me: *Gasping, Clutching my pearls* (thinking) Grandma!! You are COMPLETELY out of control!!

That shit was pretty funny though- what was even funnier was the fact that the instructor laughed..she must be used to these people I guess.

I may have mentioned before, that to me, locker rooms are disgusting..Naked is not always what I'm ready to see all early in the morning and shit.....Imagine being in there with a room full of ass-nekked "blue hairs".

Truly a life changing experience.....