Friday, September 29, 2006

I Thought It Was JUST ME!!!

So here I am reading Miss Zoot's entry about blogging and how non-blogging people are just assholes. Well she didn't say that exactly, but I like to curse.

Whenever I tell people about my blog, I feel like they're thinking: "What a fucking nerd". Then it didn't help that I saw a T-Shirt in Belk's that read: NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BLOG!
*gasp*, clutch the pearls!! My feelings were actually hurt, a little bit, then I knocked it off the hanger and it fell on the floor and I walked off..I'm so childish

I want to tell more people but sometimes I worry that someone will figure out who I am by the stuff I talk about and tell Belly he's on a blog...what would I REALLY do if that happened??? I would probably lie and to get the "heat" off of me, I would say it was another co-worker who wrote it...I know, I'm a coward but being mean is just so much fun.

I, like Miss Zoot, love to post multiple times in a what?? Screw you, you blog haters!!

Ok, I feel better now..maybe I should do some actual work now..damn work

Random BullSh*t I Think About In Traffic

My car has 191,800 miles on it..still running somehow, but barely

Michael Jackson's song P.Y.T literally got me to work today. I SO wanted to be one of the P.Y.T's that "Repeat after me" sayin' NA NA NA
Look, I was 10 years old, leave me alone!!

I saw a truck with a baby shoe hanging off the hitch..WTF??
Now, living in the South I'm used to the Boat Propeller and the Hanging Balls but baby shoes???

While I'm speeding and switching lanes, I thought about a story I saw on the news about a girl who died while driving. The sad part to me was that they showed her friends talking about her AT the accident scene saying: "She always drove fast and reckless, Speed Kills"...WTF?? Thanks, bitches for making me look good after I died..'preciate it!! Jees..who needs friends huh?

What on Earth is Leatheresque? Cheap-Ass Value City furniture has a sale on it..
Don't be jealous but, I already have some lovely cheap-ass furniture from Rooms To Go.

WHY THE HELL CAN'T PEOPLE TURN LEFT FASTER??? I swear to god, you have the Green Arrow..nothing is coming, GO you crazy bitch.

I'm in love with Crafster.Org, oh you didn't know I was a crafty bitch??..well now you do

Thursday, September 28, 2006


Oh. My. God.
I just got an e-mail from Bobby Griffin from the Bestest Blog of All Time stating that I , yes me, have just gotten the Bestest Blog of the Day! (where's my parade dammit!!??!!)

I'm so happy!! Thanks to Bobby and definitely thanks to Neila from "Blog that Mommy!"
(You guys know I love the "mommy blogs"..I'll need all the help I can get when I become a mommy/crazy lady with the milk jugs on her chest.)

I now have some sort of "performance anxiety" now and have nothing to this what men who have to take Viagra feel like???

Oh wait, here's something..Belly tried to make me look at him this morning so that he could demonstrate the thickness of a hamburger..something about it was dirty sounding...eww
Not that he could describe the thickness of ANYthing in his private area..he probably hasn't seen it in years.

Must. Vomit. Now.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Not a Peep

Ok, one last thing and I'll stop blog-harrassing you today.

Rememeber my "Theiving Bitch" incident from the other day? Well the day it happened, I sent an email to my supervisor and our director's executive assistant informing them of "the theft" thinking: "Oh yeah..that hungry bitch is going DOWN!!"
Well because they care about me so damn much around here...THEY HAVEN'T SAID A DAMN WORD!! No email response, no informal meeting to say "Too bad, bitch" ...NOTHING!!

Damn Corporate Machine!!

Then as if that wasn't bad enough..I keep hearing the damn Jimmy Dean BreakFast Sandwich radio commercial EVERY day on my way to work..god is mocking me.

A Somewhat Hateful Resemblence That Makes Me Laugh

Today after being subjected to mega-super man giggle by Belly all morning, I noticed that he laughs kinda like Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.

Of course he looks more like Boss Hogg.

Wanna hear something funny?? As I was surfing the internet looking for the above pictures, Belly's nosy ass leaned over my wall and chortles:

Whatdaya have a picture of Roscoe on your screen for?? [insert stupid ass man-giggle here] I told him I was looking at the dog (thank god we talked about me wanting a bassett hound the other day). Then this jackass (in another lame attempt to keep the conversation going) starts doing the "Roscoe laugh"..coo coo coo coo..coo coo coo

His retarded ass NEVER put two and two together to realize that he laughs THE SAME DAMN WAY!!!

I had to run into the ladies room to laugh and I almost pissed myself...oh, the comedy

I really need to keep an eye on that nosy fucker though.....curses!! That means I have to look at him.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Healthy Eating Tips..from a fat bastard

I overheard Belly telling our co-worker that he "doesn't care for" Fried Foods and that he mostly Broils or Bakes meats.....this coming from a man that is 5 foot zero (minus 8 feet) and weighs 7000 pounds.

Then later on I remember that he admitted that he likes "pastries"..who says pastries?? Him I guess.
This one time, (at Band Camp..ok, that's getting old) he made a cake for an office get together, it was dry as the Sahara so no one really ate it. He brought back half of it and I said "Well you could take it home to your kids" and he said "Nah, I'll just finish it so it won't go to waste"
He then proceeded to eat HALF A FUCKING CAKE!!! I looked over at one point and he was in a kind of trance-like state..high on the sugar I guess. I've had that high but I've never eaten half a fucking cake.
He's on a new diet and claims to have lost weight..I don't see it.. and before you accuse me of being mean, (Who? Me?) the other cube-mates say he's getting bigger too. That outta control beard isn't helping. He looks like he's storing nuts for the winter.

Maybe there's cake in there!!


If you watch wrestling, you've probably heard of STFU.

It means: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

And Belly needs to follow it's direction....
In his low self esteem effort to force conversation at all times, he told us some bullshit story of how his sister, on a bet, trained her cat to use the toilet. ("Meet The Parents" anyone??)

I am sooo not in the mood for him today..he must have noticed that I noticed that he has a tit staring problem 'cuz he kept his eyes upward when he harassed me today.

Did that fucker just say "Hunky Dory" to a caller?????? I swear to god..

Monday, September 25, 2006

We Don't Have THAT Kind Of Money Dammit!!!

I went to my co-worker's FABULOUS wedding this weekend..It was THE most fab one I've been to but it was close dammit. I was definitely jealous, mostly beacause I'm pretty sure my wedding will be NOTHING like it..

must. win. lotto.

First of all, I have 4 words for you...OPEN BAR ALL NIGHT!!! Are you aware how much something like that costs?? It's a lot I tell ya.

The wedding started at around 5pm..ish. You know that they were on colored people's time, cuz that's what we do..anyway, It was in a really nice church..too bad it was in "The 'Hood".

The Bride was fabulous and if you knew her, you would know that she ALWAYS looks fabulous..I betcha her tiara had real diamonds in it..god, I hate her...

I nearly had a Bridezilla moment on her behalf because when we got to the reception hall, A cool, old Train Depot, the room wasn't ready and we had to pile on top of each other in the's too damn hot for all THAT foolishness!!

Once they finally opened the doors, there was a beautiful white carriage and a gazebo where all the gifts were stored..fabulous dammit..and there there was THE BAR..with a line as long as the Nile.

I finally got my drink but didn't have a tip for the bartender..more on why later...damn men

The food was really good too, some sort of tenderloin of beef and a stuffed chicken breast - Florentine they called it - It was stuffed with what looked like spinach and cheese..the people at my table didn't eat the need for E coli this early in the evening.

There were some boughetto moments though...
They came into the reception to the sounds of T.I. "Bring Em Out" a song in which the opening lyric is "It's hard to yell when a barrel's in yo mouth"!! *eeek* (clutching the pearls)
And their first dance was to Busta Rhymes " I Love My Chick (Bitch)".

Hell, I can't talk, Me and The Other Half plan to come out to "The Big Payback" by James Brown - We thought "Hot Pants" or "Man's World" would be funny too.

A "Big Girl" represented at the bouquet toss..she was about 6'5", 250 and she had a tube-top mini dress on..yeah, wow. When we saw her "getting ready to catch" so to speak, we got the hell out of her way.
The fist fight for the bouquet was pretty tame by Black wedding standards.

Then there was the customary Electric Slide and lest we forget the Cha Cha Slide..
ok listen, I have tried and fucking tried and I cannot do the electric slide right..I know..I should have the stereotypical "rhythm in my bones" but when it comes to that damn dance..I just can't do it!! [running away - weeping].
I do however, do a damn good job and playing it one seemed to notice..I think.

All this has me worried about my "whenever" wedding - We Don't Have THAT Kind Of Money Dammit!!!
Not that I feel like marrying The Other Half anyway right now. Because as I mentioned earlier, I didn't have any money to tip the bartender, all because of The Other Half. Here's the long, drawn out story:

A WEEK AGO, I requested use of his "new" car to drive to the wedding since mine had a crappy tire on it and it was dirty. (TWO WEEKS AGO, I asked him to be my date but he was acting "all funny" like he didn't want to screw him) He said yes to the car thing and I was happy. Well Saturday rolled around and he had to work.
At 6am he got up, got ready, kissed me goodbye and left. A little later on I looked out the window AND THERE WAS MY DAMN CAR!! WTF happened to his car??..that bastard left with it..that's what.

He called later in the day to check in and I asked him when he would be home..since dammit, I needed the car. He say's " oh I should be done soon"..yeah, bullshit.
I called him back at around 2:45 ( I needed to leave by 4:00) and he says "you'll have to come get it" WTFFFFFFF???? Now I have to drive about 40 fucking minutes round trip just to pick his car and drop mine off and still have time to get ready! I pulled up to his work on two wheels and he has the nerve to ask if I'm mad. What??
Anyway, since I'm already late, I jump out of my car grabbing what I thought was all my stuff, jump into his car and drive all the way back home..This is when I realize that I left my cell phone/wallet in the other car...shit shit shit.
It was already 3:45 and I wasn't going back so I just said "Fuck It", took a 14 second shower, did something to the weave, got dressed and got the hell outta there..pissed off, going 200 miles an hour the whole way.
Well, after the wedding, I was feeling all "loved up" and I decided I didn't want to be mad at him. I was hoping to see him when I got home.

Mr. "I'm so tired I could just die" wasn't even home!!!! You would think that after working 36 hours in the past 3 days, he would want to be home..well that's what I get for thinking.
All Sunday he watched footbal and barely said 6 words to me. Whatever...OH!!!! and then he had the nerve to go out again!!
I promise you, I will kill him if he keeps this shit up. I've tried my best to not be the "asshole girlfriend" but I think she's ready to break out. was a nice wedding and he should have just left the damn car with me.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Stop Looking At My Hooters

I know they're big, luscious and lovely but is it neccessary to stare THAT LONG at them?? Did you think that I didn't notice the million second stare?

I actually made the mistake of turning toward Belly today while discussing something stupid he did. I was standing, he was sitting so that basically made him tit-level, But there was a cubicle wall there to protect me right..NOPE.
That is just gross..and perverted..I could see it coming from a bastard on the street but from your co-worker?? Why can't you camouflage it like most men do???

My stomach is actually churning and are those bugs under my skin????

Eww..must. vomit. now

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Bitch Stole My Fish..Or Something Like That..

Today a co-worker let me know that someone stole one of my Jimmy Dean Croissant Breakfast Sandwiches. We work at a really big company that has lots of divisions.
Our division is one of the few that is allowed to have a refrigerator (we actually have 2).
I bought a box of the sandwiches since they were a good price. 6 sandwiches come in the box. I ate 1 per day for the the past 2 days so that would leave..carry the 1 and divide by the integer..There should be 4 DAMN sandwiches left!! Well guess how many there were..go 'head, I'll wait..Yes!! Only 3 sandwiches left!!

My co-worker said she watched this bitch go into the freezer, take the sandwich, HEAT THE BASTARD UP in the microwave and walk back to her shitty little desk!!
My eagle eyed co-worker decided to investigate since other people aren't supposed to be using the fridge. She opened the freezer and noticed that (cuz I'm smart) my name AND phone number were on the box..the top HAVE to see it when you open it..Stealing Ho. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt..maybe she's hungry and/or poor..wait we make pretty good money here..WTF?? Maybe she smokes crack...who knows

I wanted to put a note that said: BITCH, STEALING IS UGLY!! BUY YOUR OWN DAMN BREAKFAST but I refrained.. If I see that cow again, I'll make her choke on the next sandwich.

Nervous Laughter

You ever talk to a person that laughs at EVERYTHING!!!??

I gets calls from people who's entire hard drive has blown up and all they can do is laugh while they explain it. Or people who lock their passwords out, thus shutting down their work day, and it seems like the funniest fucking thing.

Belly has a "nervous tick" from my estimation. Every time he pipes up (read: butts in) in a conversation, he hurls the man giggle at you.
The other day he gave his opinion on something in the daily news discussion we have and he giggled so fucking hard that my opposite cube mate said "Damn Belly, was it THAT funny??".
You'd think he'd be embarrassed by somebody saying that, but he was laughing so hard that he didn't even hear her say it!!
He usually follows the weird laughing thing up with a demand for you to "Look, Look" or a "Like this right here" and then makes some stupid face or an equally stupid gesture.

I'm REALLY going to slap him..seriously

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Facial hair - WTF??

I was coming back from lunch today and saw a lady that would make Billy Dee Willams jealous.
I guess if you're tired of waxing and bleaching, you can just say "Fuck It" and let it grow.

Belly's facial hair is just getting ridiculous...He claims that he's trying to get it "to a certain point" before she shaves it...Whateva, strange ass.

Here are some examples that come to mind: (image a brown version of these poor guys)

Some Songs A Straight Man Should NEVER BE Caught Singing

Me and the cube mates decided to come up with this list..We were bored, I'll add to it as needed.

Sadly, I just caught my very male, very married co-worker singing song number 1

1. It's Raining Men - The Weather Girls

2. Soldier - Destiny's Child

3. Ring My Bell - Anita Ward

4. Just Call Me Angel of the Morning - Juice Newton

5. YMCA - The Village People

6. Like A Virgin - Madonna

7. Man, I Feel Like A Woman - Shania Twain

8. Deja Vu - Beyonce

9. These Boots Were Made For Walking - Nancy Sinatra

10. Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler

11. Bad Girls - Donna Summer

12. Material Girl - Madonna

13. I'm So Excited - Pointer Sisters

14. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor

15. I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross


Monday, September 18, 2006

My Hair STILL Hurts and Some Stylists are RUDE

I got my "wig tightened" again this weekend, Ouch.....Here's what Tree Braiding looks like.
These are obviously NOT pics of me..My hair looks wayyy better (conceited much??) I've got a kinda Oprah curly thing happening like this:

But I look good and that's all that counts..RIGHT?? My braider was about an HOUR late for our appointment, and once she got there, she had the nerve to "clean up" the shop for 45 fucking minutes..I was pissed but she was my last resort at the time and I think that cow knew it.

Anywhoo, I'm hating on hairdressers today - oh the hate mail I'll get.

Why the hell:

1. Why does your stylist's hair always look like a bird nest?? Every time I sit in the chair, I hope to god she won't do the same thing to my hair.

2. Anyone who's been to an African Braiding "Salon" can relate to this: English Please.
I'm pretty sure they're talking shit about me in some form of French. I got an A in French in Jr High but I only remember: the dirty words, Hello, Goodbye and Thank You..Yaaaay Public School!!

3. Why do you have 87,000 clients in there at the SAME TIME and I spend 6 hours under the damn dryer watching you walk back and forth, acting like my hair is STILL wet, saying " just a few more minutes" and giving me the "I'm sorry" smile. GREEDY!!

4. Is that actually Barbisol in that nasty looking glass thing???

5. Why do you NEVER have a drape or scissors or rollers or ANYTHING??? I use to pay $300 to a guy for a sew in weave and that boy was NEVER prepared. Needless to say, he didn't get MY money again.

And so on and so forth...

Do I sound a little irritable today ya think??

Friday, September 15, 2006

Speaking of Embarassment...

I watched Survivor last night. They've divided everyone up into different ethnic groups. White, Black , Asian and Hispanic. uh oh

You know everybody on there is worried that if they mess up on there, they'll be the embarassment of THE ENTIRE RACE!! What about the stereotypes?? Some are true, most are exaggerated.
As usual, it got me thinking about all of the times I've been embarrassed by certain members of my particular race.
Remember the DC Sniper?? Well, Is my face family swore up and down that it had to be a white guy just on stereotype alone - organized, slightly and randomly crazy..etc. But look what of us!! Can you hear our collective *DOH*??

Or there's always the evening news...Why do they always pick the person with two teeth, (one in her pocket) a head full of rollers and a dirty house-dress. " I seeent da hole thang"
Can you see me cringing??

Oh and lest we forget...Flavor Flav.. oh. my. god.

My White co-workers say they are embarassed by Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks. I think she's great and should be able to say whatever the fuck she wants if ya ask me..but ya didn't.

I had a Black manager when I worked for a start-up a few years ago. She made it her life's work to make sure that her Black "underlings" were shining examples in all areas and that THEY didn't embarass HER.

I worked in a customer service call center..hellish job but the money was good. Anywhoo,
There was this obnoxious bell on the wall that rang every time our 800 number rang so the whole company could hear it.
I'd be sitting there working way too hard (cuz she was always on my back) and that damn bell would get started...she would walk past the 10 OTHER CALL REPS in the department who weren't on the phone, lean on my desk and say: "The phone's ringing"...
WTF?? So I'm then expected to turn away from the 15 foot high stack of work that she gave me and answer the damn phone!!
Whateva!! I wanted to go to HR but The HR manager was her best buddy (smart move on her part now that I think about it).

Oh!! One thing I will NEVA forget: Each day we had to do this ridiculous cheer after the morning meeting, I was so damn embarassed to do it, since once again, the entire company could hear it. At the end of said cheer, there was a "whooo!!" I was so irritated that one day, I just didn't say it. This heffa actually pulled me aside and said " you didn't say the "whooo!!"....WTF????

Oh I could go on for days about that broad..her ankles swelled up really big while she was pregnant and never went back to normal [insert evil laugh here].
Karma is a bizzle!!!

Wherefore Art Thou Cool Points?? PART 2

I'm not sure how I forgot THIS little gem:

Walking to the park for the Jazz Festival, looking all sexy in my new t-shirt with the word DIVA in RHINESTONES across the front, rocking my new knockoff sunglasses. Some Queens saw my shirt from across the street and yelled "You go Miss Thang!!! Lookin' Good!!". I looked over at them with my big pretty smile and said "Aint I fine???!!", karma stuck her damn foot out and I tripped on the curb, flew tits first towards the sidewalk, completely fucking my knee up and (god forbid) scraped up my sunglasses AND my rhinestones...shit, shit, shit

The Queens gasped and "clutched the pearls".."OMIGOD Girl, are you alright??" they said. I played it off by saying I was drunk knowing damn well I was sober as the day was long.
And instead of running back to the car like I usually do (hell, I paid 3 million dollars to park already) I held my head up high and limped over to the Jazz festival.

Of course one of the eagle-eyed friends I was meeting there noticed blood through my sexy jeans and we went through another round of "OMIGOD Girl, are you alright??"
Me: Yes dammit, I'm fine!! in all senses of the word..
Me: (thinking) turn around and watch the damn saxophone dude!!
Those Bastards: Well that doesn't look good, you should get that looked at ..blah freakin blah

Well I went to the doctor the next day..what? it hurt!!
He said I BRUISED the bone!!! Can you imagine how hard you have to fall in order to bruise bone?? Well I can.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thanks For Your Comments

OK since I happen to be the smartest I.T. bitch in the world....I JUST noticed that you really great people have left some REALLY great comments about my blog.
I hope you didn't think that I was being a hateful bitch (which I usually am) by not responding.
I guess I should feel bad about making fun of others..

Of course today I talked to a lady that claimed she wasn't computer SUAVE..yeah you guessed it, she meant saavy..then she had the nerve to say it AGAIN, that damn Rico Suave song kept playing in my head..I laughed so hard, I think I peed a little!

Again...THANKS THANKS THANKS for all your nice comments!!!

P.S. I tried to post this earlier but Belly kept trying to make conversation over the cube wall..asshole

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Damn Cramps

What the hell am I doing at work today??? I have the worst cramps known to man..well probably not that bad..I tend to exaggerate sometimes.

For instance today, Belly's voice is actually scratching my nerves. Is that possible? Who knows. He said that I was "grumpy" today. What am I, a dwarf?? What a cheese-ass word.
He said "Hi There" again to a caller, again..cheese-ass.

Speaking of Belly, remeber how I told you he seems to know EVERY DAMN THING?? Another co-worker was talking about the news of the day so Belly butted in with a story about Carp fish in India (????WTF???) and how "that sure is large for a Carp". What the fuck would you know about the size variations of fucking Carp???? I swear, I'm gonna kick him in his neck.

Wherefore Art Thou Cool Points??

Firstly, (and off topic) why is using the bathroom at my job like using the bathroom in a stadium after a Rolling Stones concert??? God Damned Disgusting!!

Anyway, me and the cube mates were talking about embarrassment and it got me thinking about:

My Most Embarrassing Moments (so far)

1. My weave ponytail got caught on a guy's watch on the dance floor and fell COMPLETELY off my head. I ran out of the club with ponytail in hand and waited by the car (I did not have the keys and my bitch friends stayed in the club another 2 hours)

2. Went to Skandia Miniature Golf when I was in High School. I was attempting to step into one of the mini motor boats. I had one SUEDE booted foot in the boat and one SUEDE booted foot on the "shore" when the boat decided to go on it's merry way. I fell ALL THE WAY UNDER the water with hundreds of (well maybe 6) cute boys watching, pointing and laughing...again, I ran to the car (it's my thing)

3. Was on a first date and sneezed. Yes, I farted a little at the same time. I didn't run to the car that time but I wanted to.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Record Company People Are Shady

Hey..I forgot to tell you about my weekend...I'm sure you were waiting with baited breath. Can you image baited breath..probably not so fresh.

Friday I did a little part time gig at a local club. Being the brilliant, efficient cashier that I am, I am in such great demand (yeah, right). They pay me cash and the work is easy. Maybe I shouldn't have told you about the cash part..oops, I'll fill out the tax forms later, anyway...

When I got there, Lyfe Jennings was doing his sound check..damn that boy is talented. I love when singers can ACTUALLY sing. He had a cute little assistant girl who ordered pizza for the band..I should have ate some, just to be obnoxious.

I spent the next hour shooting the shit, on the clock of course, cuz that's just what I do.
The club was hosting the Billboard R&B Hip Hop Conference Awards. Lots of jaded industry people that didn't clap after the performances. The artists were literally begging for feedback during their was sad

That damn Flavor Flav was there - omigod, from what I could hear, he was ghetto as ever.
Lupe Fiasco performed "Kick Push"- damn, I love that name
Bobby Valentino sounded pretty good too
My new favorite boyfriend Young Dro did "Shoulder Lean" - I don't see ya dancin' dammit!!
I mostly sat around reading magazines until about 1:30am. Slow night since most people already had a ticket. They had the Chef from the Body Tap strip club cater the event, the food was actually good..who knew??

But there was one moment I can't forget. Earlier in the evening, when people were viewing the Red Carpet (you actually bought a ticket to see that crap??) a guy walked in the club WITH A BABY..I didn't say a toddler, or a school aged child I said A BABY....WTF???
He had the pastel diaper bag on with the strap across his chest like a messenger bag, like he was cool or something.
All I could do was stare in disbelief. Wierdly enough, the baby looked happy, like he goes to the club all the time.
A few minutes later I hear one of the female security guards flippin' out cuz the guy is getting drinks from the bar and taking cigarette samples from the Sponsor. From what I heard (through the door of the booth) after that is that the manager:
Cussed him out thouroughly - poor baby's ears should have been covered (ha)
Threatened to kick his ass and...(cover your little eyes boo boo)
Chastised him about child endangerment

My whole thing is: Where the hell was the MAMA?? I wish The Other Half would have the nerve to take our future baby to the club..huh???

Saturday Worked at my OTHER part time job...funny how I still don't have any money

Sunday The Other Half took me to Pappadeaux. It was a very nice seafood restaurant but of course there was a bunch of my boughetto folks in there. Singing Happy Birthday all loud and drunk and sad.
I was wondering why he kept telling me to "order whatever I wanted", He even threatened to get a $60 lobster like the guy next to us.
Come to find out..The Other Half got a new credit card...WTF?? Hopefully this won't end badly with bill collectors calling.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Nothing's Changed

I just realized late last night that today was going to be the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

I remember the morning it happened, I was still at home and was watching the Today Show and saw the plane hit. From the distance they showed it, it looked like a small plane that veered off course.
Me and the other half joked about drunk pilots and we started out the door..then the second plane hit...I ended up going to work but as soon as I got there, everybody was in a panic and they sent out a mass email telling everybody to leave.

I stayed up for the next 24 hours glued to the TV. No matter how horrible the images were, I just couldn't turn the TV off. I cried and was sick to my stomach for days. My very religious co-worker asked why we were all "freaking out". She said that this was "The End Of Days" and that we've been told forever that it was going to happen. She told us to "get over it".

Wow, easier said than done...I guess if I had Faith like her it would be easier for me.

For months after 9/11, I had this overwhelming feeling that "You just can't save yourself". No matter how many precautions we take, there will always be a hole that terrorists can get through.
Everybody's profiling Middle Eastern looking men, but look at the mugshots of some of these guys. They look like guys I know from the local African American Barbershops I grew up around. And some even look White...

Nothing's Changed, I still have that feeling of hopelessness. It's probably bad luck to ask this but, WHAT'S NEXT?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

A useless sack of.....

Funny how sombody who claims to be a "die hard, low carb guy" is literally wolfing down (I promise you, I heard wolf noises) a Double sausage biscuit from the gas station.

He also enjoys eating some sort of quadruple onion burger that smells like a whale's ass. Just think for a moment on what a whale's ass must smell like...then imagine it being in the next cubicle. Not a good time.

Belly is still on the campaign to make me his friend. He thinks people "dismiss" him because he's fat...hate to break it to ya's not your weight. It's your weird personality and snot whistle and staring..whateva

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Stay in your own sandbox

Damn, I've been off work for 4 days..didn't want to be here today..but oh well.

Here's a rundown of my "oh so exciting" weekend:

Friday: Woke up all chipper, ready to spend some money..went back to sleep and did nothing all day.
Mom and sis came by in the evening, fed them leftover fried chicken and we watched tv

Saturday: Woke up all chipper, ready to spend some money (again), this time I actually left the house. Went to Joann Fabrics - madhouse. Went to Hancock Fabrics - madhouse. Went to Hobby Lobby - ghost town, how do these people stay in business??

Sunday: Hell..what did I do Sunday??..oh!! I went to a barbecue..and nothing was ready when we got there..except for a barbecue..ok whatever.
Once the food was ready it was pretty damn good though.
I worked at a nightclub as a cashier that night. It was "Gay Night" - My favorite..there are some really pretty men out there and some REALLY butch women out there. One of the girls, I swear, could walk up on me and fool me. She had a mustache and everything!! To pass the time I fread some of the gay publications that were laying around in the booth..Whew, a whole new world to me I tell ya!! For instance, did you know that The Legendary House Of Allure was founded in 1989 in Washington DC?? Yeah, me neither.

Monday: SLEPT ALL DAMN DAY..except when I went to get crab legs for the big baby The Other Half. Crab legs take too damn long to eat, by the time I cracked all the shells, I don't want it anymore..and the stink?? Eww
Watched Dane Cook's Vicious Circle..He has GOT to be the funniest motherfucker alive!

I saw that The Crocodile Hunter died this week. He was killed by a Stingray, poor man. My question is (however rude/hateful it is) : Why were out with dangerous sea creatures?? Stick with what ya know best, especially if something is deadly and all....just my opinion