Monday, September 25, 2006

We Don't Have THAT Kind Of Money Dammit!!!

I went to my co-worker's FABULOUS wedding this weekend..It was THE most fab one I've been to but it was close dammit. I was definitely jealous, mostly beacause I'm pretty sure my wedding will be NOTHING like it..

must. win. lotto.

First of all, I have 4 words for you...OPEN BAR ALL NIGHT!!! Are you aware how much something like that costs?? It's a lot I tell ya.

The wedding started at around 5pm..ish. You know that they were on colored people's time, cuz that's what we do..anyway, It was in a really nice church..too bad it was in "The 'Hood".

The Bride was fabulous and if you knew her, you would know that she ALWAYS looks fabulous..I betcha her tiara had real diamonds in it..god, I hate her...

I nearly had a Bridezilla moment on her behalf because when we got to the reception hall, A cool, old Train Depot, the room wasn't ready and we had to pile on top of each other in the's too damn hot for all THAT foolishness!!

Once they finally opened the doors, there was a beautiful white carriage and a gazebo where all the gifts were stored..fabulous dammit..and there there was THE BAR..with a line as long as the Nile.

I finally got my drink but didn't have a tip for the bartender..more on why later...damn men

The food was really good too, some sort of tenderloin of beef and a stuffed chicken breast - Florentine they called it - It was stuffed with what looked like spinach and cheese..the people at my table didn't eat the need for E coli this early in the evening.

There were some boughetto moments though...
They came into the reception to the sounds of T.I. "Bring Em Out" a song in which the opening lyric is "It's hard to yell when a barrel's in yo mouth"!! *eeek* (clutching the pearls)
And their first dance was to Busta Rhymes " I Love My Chick (Bitch)".

Hell, I can't talk, Me and The Other Half plan to come out to "The Big Payback" by James Brown - We thought "Hot Pants" or "Man's World" would be funny too.

A "Big Girl" represented at the bouquet toss..she was about 6'5", 250 and she had a tube-top mini dress on..yeah, wow. When we saw her "getting ready to catch" so to speak, we got the hell out of her way.
The fist fight for the bouquet was pretty tame by Black wedding standards.

Then there was the customary Electric Slide and lest we forget the Cha Cha Slide..
ok listen, I have tried and fucking tried and I cannot do the electric slide right..I know..I should have the stereotypical "rhythm in my bones" but when it comes to that damn dance..I just can't do it!! [running away - weeping].
I do however, do a damn good job and playing it one seemed to notice..I think.

All this has me worried about my "whenever" wedding - We Don't Have THAT Kind Of Money Dammit!!!
Not that I feel like marrying The Other Half anyway right now. Because as I mentioned earlier, I didn't have any money to tip the bartender, all because of The Other Half. Here's the long, drawn out story:

A WEEK AGO, I requested use of his "new" car to drive to the wedding since mine had a crappy tire on it and it was dirty. (TWO WEEKS AGO, I asked him to be my date but he was acting "all funny" like he didn't want to screw him) He said yes to the car thing and I was happy. Well Saturday rolled around and he had to work.
At 6am he got up, got ready, kissed me goodbye and left. A little later on I looked out the window AND THERE WAS MY DAMN CAR!! WTF happened to his car??..that bastard left with it..that's what.

He called later in the day to check in and I asked him when he would be home..since dammit, I needed the car. He say's " oh I should be done soon"..yeah, bullshit.
I called him back at around 2:45 ( I needed to leave by 4:00) and he says "you'll have to come get it" WTFFFFFFF???? Now I have to drive about 40 fucking minutes round trip just to pick his car and drop mine off and still have time to get ready! I pulled up to his work on two wheels and he has the nerve to ask if I'm mad. What??
Anyway, since I'm already late, I jump out of my car grabbing what I thought was all my stuff, jump into his car and drive all the way back home..This is when I realize that I left my cell phone/wallet in the other car...shit shit shit.
It was already 3:45 and I wasn't going back so I just said "Fuck It", took a 14 second shower, did something to the weave, got dressed and got the hell outta there..pissed off, going 200 miles an hour the whole way.
Well, after the wedding, I was feeling all "loved up" and I decided I didn't want to be mad at him. I was hoping to see him when I got home.

Mr. "I'm so tired I could just die" wasn't even home!!!! You would think that after working 36 hours in the past 3 days, he would want to be home..well that's what I get for thinking.
All Sunday he watched footbal and barely said 6 words to me. Whatever...OH!!!! and then he had the nerve to go out again!!
I promise you, I will kill him if he keeps this shit up. I've tried my best to not be the "asshole girlfriend" but I think she's ready to break out. was a nice wedding and he should have just left the damn car with me.

1 comment:

Meowkaat said...

Uh-ohhhhh... you're fitting into another stereotype.... I was JUST reading this long, dramatic message at the IMDb board about black people not tipping:
It was a seriously serious discussion and people were really getting into it. hehe. You sort of know you're in for one of those when the frickin TITLE of the post is "...not trying to be racist but..." I'd say it pretty much means they're going to be... racist.
Sounds like a kick ass wedding. I'm sure yours will be equally awesome.