You RUDE Son of A...

I facilitated a meeting at work yesterday.

Belly decided that this would be a good time to catch up on his "beauty" sleep. That jackass actually started snoring at one point!!! My co-workers kept having to nudge him to keep his fat ass awake the whole time. He is such an embarassment, sitting there with his hands neatly folded across his buddah gut like nothing was wrong, head just a noddin'. He looked like a bobblehead
He did pipe up towards the end with some obscure, bullshit point he was trying to make and everybody just stared at him.

Today one of our call center computer tools was down. You would have thought that somebody shot him in his kneecap by the way he was over there cryin' "I can't do my job" and "This is really messing me up" and 'What are we gonna do??" blah fuckin' blah
I felt like I was talking someone off of a damn ledge!! I eventually "manned" up and told him that he didn't have to be the office martyr and that no one in management was going to blame him because the tool went down..fucking common sense to me, but to him???.... jeesuuusss

Go Grease(ed?) Lightning Go

At around 3am, we were awakened with such a fright - isn't that from Scrooge or something?

Anywhoo, we were woken up by something that I liken to a god damn BOMB!! I swear it was so loud, I peed a little (god I always say "too much" on this thing)

The other half jumped up and looked out the window but the rapid succession of lightning and loud thunder told his brave ass to get back from the window. As if loud bomb noises weren't enough, all the car alarms on the street were going off..especially that hateful, cheap ass, aftermarket alarm that my neighbor has set on "feather" or "slight breeze". One night I'm going to disassemble that piece of shit .

Because we're smart and have about 6 months of college between us, we figured out that lightning must have hit a transformer acroos the road..(power only blinked off for a second)
Well, just like a man, the other half fell right back to sleep. Of course I'm wide damn awake after making that much needed run to the potty.

I wanted to turn the TV on to see if, god forbid, a tornado was coming but the stupid thing wouldn't turn on. A few years back, my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to but the "floor model" TV in Circuit City 'cuz it was such a good price...now everytime the power goes out, you have to unplug the TV for 5 minutes, plug it back in and then you can watch it..stupid huh?

Anyway, I got the "evil mumble" from the other half for making noise and after about an hour, I was able to go back to sleep. Now I'm all sleepy and hateful..

What else is new??

I am such a CHICKENSH*T!!!

I watched Belly eat an ENTIRE rotisserie chicken for lunch today..jees He claims he's on the low-carb diet..yeah sure.

While he was smacking away in his cube, I was standing up in my cube and looking at a web site WITH MY BACK TO HIM as usual. I was minding my own fucking business and I hear:

Hey..
Hey you..
Hey..

I knew he was talking to me but I refused to be addressed as "Hey" or "Hey You" for that matter.
He finally said my name - well sort of - you know he likes to shorten my name which really pisses me off, but I digress...
After waving me over all fast like a fucking 6 year old...
He says to me: "Did I do or say something to get "us" off kilter?
I thought to myself: "yes, you fat, greasy-faced, whole chicken eating, weird ass, bad joke tellin',Polo shirt stretchin' NERD!!!, Check my last 7000 posts on Blogger.com, dumb ass!!"

But like a chicken shit, I just said that I hadn't had anything to say lately (yeah, cuz I've been blogging it all) THANK JEHOVA, my phone rang - I was literally saved by the bell.

My stomach is churning at the thought of him re-visiting the conversation. He acts like we were best buddies before or something..whateva

My mean bitch part of me is so glad that he noticed that I've been snubbing him. [Insert EVIL laugh/snicker here]
Then that stupid sap-ass part of me feels bad for his low self esteem, starved for attention ass.

But as always I got over the sappy-assness and went back to despising him..Woo Hoo..Good Times

Boys and Earrings

So I was watching a Katrina recap last night on NBC and they did a follow-up with a lady who last year was pleading with the camera for help for her baby. Such a cute baby, it broke my heart.
They reported that she was doing "okay" ( she hasn't been able to find work) and they showed her baby - OH MY GOD THAT CHILD WAS GORGEOUS!!! But see, I thought it was a little girl..well it had earrings in both ears and had long, curly blonde hair dammit!!

I wondered what she was thinking when she decided to pierce a boy infant's ears? Shouldn't she have waited, at least until he was a teenager, so that he could make the decision on his own? The Other Half got his EAR pierced when he was 13..still too young if ya ask me..but ya didn't did ya?

It got me thinking about a post by Amanda where people were harassing her about a decision she made for her son.
Somehow, to me at least, gymnastics is just a little different than baby sized bling bling.

Then I thought about all the cute little girl-babies I've seen with earrings..Double standard much Linka72??

More Belly

Ok, he's in "Full Jackass Mode" today. Thank god the phone's have been pretty busy today and thank god again that Belly is REALLY competitive. He's always trying to answer the most calls in the group..whateva asshole

Anyway, he said the phrase "Oh Snap" today...WTFFFFF???? Who even says that anymore?? That's like calling a group of friends your "posse" or saying a girl is "Fly"..sheesh, with your stuck in the 80's ass.

There's also another word that he says that absolutely grates my ass. Whenever he is trying to explain something (at length) that is really expensive, he says in a high pitched squeal:
It cost a Greeep!! (Imagine his dumb ass rolling the r)

what else..what else..OH!! Today Belly man giggled and it actually STOPPED a guy walking by IN HIS TRACKS, I was walking down the aisle and the guy looked at me as if I could explain what the fuck that was!! I just dipped my head and scrambled to the ladies room.

He kills me how he just blurts out statements or questions and expects you to know what the hell he's talking about. For Instance:

Cut to a small group of co-workers standing near my cube talking about a mall, basically shooting the shit and all of a sudden..
Belly: You know his DNA didn't match right??
Group: What??
Belly: The pervert
Group: Huh??
Belly: The JonBenet case..blah blah blah
The Group just stared at him with the WTF-Whateva look. I can't help to think that he gets that look a lot.

Reality TV is really getting out of hand

I made the mistake of watching Flavor of Love again this weekend - I just can't stay away, it's probably something subliminal they flash across the screen to make you watch it...Ok now I sound REALLY crazy.

Later on in the evening after we made paninis (why can't I just say we had grilled cheese sandwiches??? We watch wayyyy to much Food Network) , we watched Celebrity Fit Club. You know how you think that a person seems really nice, just like their character on a particular show?? Well Issac from the LOVE BOAT has completely shattered me!! During one of the challenges he said of co-star Angie Stone, "That Bitch ain't gon' do SHIT!!" ...eeeek!! *Gasp* [clutching the pearls]
I simply refused to believe that he said that - but it sure was funny as hell, and because we're that kind of stupid, me and the other half said it to each other all night -
Iron Chef: The chairman?? He ain't gon' do shit
Infomercial: The AbLounger?? It ain't gon' do shit
The Gospel Channel: They ain't gon' do....okay maybe that one went a little far..but our heathen asses laughed anyway
...oh the laughter

Being Mean Feels Good Sometimes

I had a little guilt wash over me today.

Belly loomed over my cube wall and asked to borrow my scissors to cut some crap. I call it crap since I'm sure it was something he used to be more of a nerd.
Anywhooo, I'm REALLY weird about people using my craft supplies to create stupid shit. For instance, cutting wire or thick plastic with my REALLY expensive scissors..WTF??? And they act all offended when I say no.

After giving his cutting subject the once over (and the fact that he wouldn't sit the fuck down) I gave him my scissors. He still wouldn't sit down and continued to make stupid little jokes like "unlike you, I can't cut a straight line" and [Insert stupid man-giggle here] " I think I failed crafts class".

I'm sure he expected me to laugh maniacally like he does at every damn thing but I just sat there WITH MY BACK TO HIM and continued to read blogs. I wanted to blog about his ass right away but HE WOULDN'T SIT DOWN!! He cut his little project out while looming over my trash can, mostly missing it and dropping shit on the floor.
I literally had to take a deep breath to keep from slapping the shit out of him and calling him names. It's like he stands there until I:
1. Look at him and acknowledge his foolish self OR
2. (fake)Laugh at his stupid jokes

As if using my good scissors wasn't enough, a few minutes later he asks for my damn Xacto knife...what???? Go away!!
After he asks he says "I'll stop bothering you now". Yeah right I'm thinking.
In the tradition of bothering me, he then offers me a damn rice krispy treat!!
He claims it was in return for "services rendered" but I really think he wanted me to eat it in front of him so he could get his rocks off - more food porn.
I mumbled "thanks" and threw it in my drawer.

He continued to stand there for a few more moments and then sat his ass down, I wish I had one of those bus mirrors that stick on your monitor, just so I could see what the hell he's doing back there.
I turned around yesterday and noticed that he stared right at my tits for a couple of seconds..ewwwwww, I should have slapped his nasty face.

A little later, I started to feel bad for being mean after I saw him skulk off to lunch. He usually eats his ass/onion/sewer smelling lunch in his cube, subjecting us to the stankness of it all, but today I saw him all lonely looking in the break-room.

I soon got over all this sappy-assness when he got back to his desk and the usual high pitched snot whistling commenced all in my damn ear....Shit, I need a vacation

One Day, I'll Be Cool..TODAY'S the day..

Woo Hoo!! My home computer is working again...look at the cool links I can do that refer to other posts..

Jees, my life really is boring huh?

WHEN THE LEVEES BROKE: A REQUIEM IN FOUR ACTS

I watched the Spike Lee documentary - WHEN THE LEVEES BROKE: A REQUIEM IN FOUR ACTS.

I was awake all night over seeing the dead bodies in the water. Can you imagine having to wade through that just to get to higher ground?

What really broke my heart was the scene where 5 children had to be rescued by an British news crew. They had been in the house with their dead mother for 2 days in the heat. They looked like they were in shock. I couldn't handle it.

It brings to mind an argument our whole group had against my annoying co-worker, Shorty.
He claims that he didn't feel sorry for any of them since they could have "gotten out"..really asshole??
Let's see, imagine that YOU don't have shit, YOUR FAMILY doesn't have shit and YOUR NEIGHBORS don't have shit...evacuate the city..right now..chop chop

Yeah right. Seems feasible. NOT!!

I'm going to watch the 2nd two parts tonight, I know it will be as good as the first 2 parts.

Boobie Fest

OK, You know I absolutely adore all mommyblog fellow bloggers like Amanda but dammit, I was a little freaked out this weekend.

I was walking through Sears..minding my own damn business when I turned a corner by the shoe department and saw:

An ENTIRE breast..in the wide open of a dept store

Maybe I should explain. She was breastfeeding, which would usually make me sigh and say "Oh how sweet" but this lady had a TUBE TOP on, and she didn't have a towel over her tit.
It caught me SO off guard that I think I stared for a second, in shock, because I was pretty sure I was looking at a breast but needed to adjust my eyes to make sure she wasn't just flashing me (It happened to me once..true story).

Now I know what you're saying.."we've all got em" but mine wasn't all out..in an ill-fitting tube top..in a store.
I felt a little bad about being startled by her..and her tit, so I looked around on the internet. Found this about Breastfeeding Confrontation

Anywhoo..she gave me a dirty look, so I gave her one back..that probably wasn't appropriate.

Such an exciting weekend..yeah, whateva

Friday the boyfriend started his monthly "man period". Big baby was mad about something that he didn't care to share with me..he's so moody.
I used to get upset and take it personally but not anymore. I figure that just the way he is. (see last post)
But enough of that serious stuff...
Let's talk about stupid Reality TV shows. I of course watched Flavor of Love..WTF is wrong with these broads?? Flav is so gross..and old..and I'm pretty damns sure his breath stinks like hell...eww

I also watched Making The Squad. It's about making the Dolphins NFL cheer squad...I really don't understand why these teams make it SO DAMN SERIOUS. It's not like those girls make any REAL money. Then they make them get all skinny to join. whateva
Keep in mind, this is coming from a girl, who in High School, only joined the Pep CLUB (not squad where the real cheerleaders go) team for the free food at the meetings each week.

Forgiving Your Parents

I watched the season finale Of "Keshia Cole: The Way It Is" last night. She went to visit her mom in a prison camp after not seeing her for at least a year. While I could tell thst she loved her mom, she seemed to be fed up with her "shit" and wasn't very trusting of her claims that "this was the last time" and "I'll straighten up".

This got me to thinking about my family and also The Other Half's family situation. Will my kid's fault me for how I was raised?

I found my birth certificate a few years ago and noticed that in the section marked Father's Name it said: PREFERS NOT TO STATE
I guess I didn't think much of it at the time, I knew the man that called himself my dad was not my biological father but he was all I knew.
My stepdad brought the subject up once and my mother cried so hard and seemed so uncomfortable that I vowed that I would never ask her about it again if I could help it. My stepdad was just that type of asshole that would torment someone like that.

I always felt that my mom didn't protect me from things that she should have and I've carried that resentment with me. I think she senses it and tries extra hard to call me every day and "check in on me". A lot of times I feel like I'm "saving" her, money-wise, emotinally etc..I really love her but that emotional wall is still standing very tall between us.

People always envy The Other Half for having his father around his whole life. In "our" community it seems to be rare. He's says that he's bothered by their envy because he feels that even though his father lived in the house, he was never "there" for him. His dad had a very bad drug problem and was an alcoholic. His dad was able to come and go as he pleased or he would literally kick ass.

You always tell yourself that you would NEVER turn out to be like your messed up parent but how many times do we find ourselves repeating the cycle?

For instance I find myself distancing myself from my baby sister. Even though I'm not her parent, I don't think I tell her enough about the dangers of the world.
I also see The Other Half's father surfacing in him. He bristles at my questions like "where are you going" or "when will you be back" and I notice that he drinks to the point of assholeness at least twice a month.

I guess we all have things that we need to get over, but is it possible to REALLY forgive your parents if THEY haven't forgiven theirs?

Men...WTF??

Me and the boyfriend has a nice evening last night. He didn't go to class since he had to work late. I didn't like the fact that he wasn't in class but I was glad to see him. He made fried pork chops again because we are on the *Have a coronary at an early age* diet. Ohh good times.
I had a feeling that he didn't want to share his little raggedy (did that sound bitter) pork chops with me but I ate one anyway and it was good, dammit.

The other half has decided to make this his "overtime" week at work so he's getting up an hour earlier than we usually do.

On Monday, he was such a sweetie, he got up and showered in the guest bathroom (which he has titled: His Bathroom). He even closed the bedroom door so the noise wouldn't bother me, that allowed me to sleep until 7am, aww how sweet.

Back to Reality

As a side note, let me tell ya this part:
He simply refuses to use his own alarm clock so once mine went off at 6am (as he instructed me the night before to set it to) he let that bastard blast in my ear for about a minute before I was FORCED to wake up and turn it off

So anywhoooo...
This morning he wakes up at the crack of whatever and does the following:

1. Jumps out of bed like a damn fireman, shaking the bed the whole way

2. Turns on the dressing room/vanity light, which mind you is the brightest light, second only to the sun. Picture a line of clear bulbs like they use on dressing room tables on broadway and multiply it by 6000, got it?? Last month, when the maintenance guy came to replace some of the bulbs, I swear, I got a little suntan each morning.

3. Turns on the sink FULL BLAST!! Did I tell you we live in an old building with plumbing from hell and wen the hot water gets "hot" the faucet makes a high pitched squeal (kinda like Belly's snot whistle, I'll add a link here later)

4. Starts shuffling shit around on his night stand. He claims that he looking for his cortizone..wtf?? What the hell do you need cortizone for??
4. Part two: He then feels the need to turn on the OVERHEAD light in the bedroom to search for said cortizone.
4. Part three: he hits something on the table that sounded like a GONG..what?? yes, a gong.

5. I finally open my eyes to glare at him and he says the customary "What??" with the usual bewildered look that all men have when they say "What??"

Needless to say, I didn't get any extra sleep THIS morning..dammit I love him

Food Porn - NEW Target!!! Woo Hoo!!

Oh , the relief..

You know that saying "Misery Loves Company", well dammit, food porn victims love company too.

Belly was standing up bothering the cube mates as usual and his radar went off...ON MY CO-WORKER'S PIE!!! Oh you should have seen it... He stared for a few LONG moments and finally said to her:
Belly: That's a nice piece of pie ya got there
Co-Worker: Thanks..(with more of a question than an answer)
about a minute and a half passes, me and her have moved on with our conversation and he butts in:
Belly: What is that, chocolate cream?
Co-Worker: Uh..yes it is (I'm sure she was thinking: Ya fuckin' weirdo)

It's sad..but I'm happy someone else has witnessed his foolishness and has been brought "into the fold"
MWAHHHAHAHAHAH....MWAHHAHAHAHHA

One Day, I'll Be Cool

One day, when I have a computer that worth more than .56 cents, I'll be able to post cute videos of my (future) very cute children like Zoot (http://misszoot.vox.com/). As I've mentioned before, here at work, that HTML thingie bobble doo doesn't work and even though I made fun of computer illiterate people earlier, I'm starting to feel like one of them.

P.S.
If I was as cool a computer person as I claim to be, this post would be filled with fabulous hyperlinks and other sparkly shit.

That's Gonna Get Infected...

After the Other Half left for school last night, I started to notice a certain "fragrance" coming from the kitchen trash. I guess he thinks it's cute to leave pork chop containers in there overnight.

I held my breath and took the bag out to the dumpster. Nice little walk for someone who's bored to death. Once I got there I noticed a cute chubby little boy FLYING down the hill path behind the dumpster on his bike. For a split second, in the back of my mind I thought "damn he's going fast"...but decided to mind my business and head back to the house. As soon as I turned around, I heard a thud then a slide/skid, followed by a little crying/whimper sound. I looked back and all I saw was little boy ass, legs and bike parts.
This kid literally ate shit. He was face first in the dog path and it didn't look good. Part of me figured he'd be fine, hell, he's a tough little boy right?? But then I heard more whimpering from the poor thing. I called down the hill and asked him if he was ok, he shook his head "No"
So here's my dilemma:
Should I turn around and walk off like a mean old bitch?
Should I head down the hill in my "not so sure-footed" flip flops, crack MY head open and we'd both be lying there fucked up?
OR WHAT????
I asked him if he lived close and if he could try and stand up. He tried, poor thing, a couple of times and finally shook off the stars and birdies flying around his head. He stood up and limped his little bike across the grass and made it across the road.

It was then that I realized I had turned into my mother...because just like her, I couldn't leave well enough alone. I found it neccesary to call after him and say:

"Honey, don't ride your bike right there, it's really dangerous!!"

Feminine Men..no thanks

Okay let me be the first to say that I am a serious Fag Hag. I love gay men.
It's just that I CANNOT stand a feminine STRAIGHT man!!!!

Now I'm not saying it's bad for a man to cry, that's actully very endearing, but a man that is sniveling every time I look at him is completely out of the question.
Also, if I have to save your ass in a bar fight..we may have a problem in our relationship.

BELLY brought this blog out of me today by saying the following phrase:
"Hi there" to a caller. It smacked of girliness if ya ask me..but ya didn't did you?
It wasn't the words he said, it was THE WAY he said it..like there should have been pixie dust floating around him...eww

The aformentioned MAN-GIGGLE has got to go. It seems that everything strikes him as FUCKING HILARIOUS and he feels the need to laugh so hard that our office floor shakes. WTF??

Think of the Pillsbury Dough-Boy giggle and multiply it by 100 THEN add a chortle and a slight wheeze to it. It is soooo girly, it makes my skin crawl.

He tried to look at my lunch again today but I ate it REAL fast and he missed it.
I've turned into the Lunch Ninja..this can't be good.

Pork is Good

The Other Half made fried pork chops for dinner last night..mmmmmmgood!!
I knew there was a reason I kept him around all these years.

He tried to give up pork last year. He did pretty well for about 6 months. Is it mean that I continued to eat bacon around him the whole time?? Probably so, since that's what pulled him back to the dark side..ooops?

Figuring out ways to slit my own throat...

Okay I'm stuck with Belly and Annoying Old Song Guy, damn that's a long name....let's call him SHORTY.

Ok, my other cube mate is out of the office so here I sit, stuck with Belly the snot whistle king and Shorty, the very politically INcorrect, old song singer.

Shorty has a new song: Freak Out by Chic..god help me.

As I said before, I'm a "fluffy" myself but Belly is one big motherfucker. Curiously, he has no ass. I mean it's non-existent. I guess it's all being sucked forward. Weird.
Do you ever get this weird urge to stare at people just so you can try to figure out what the hell happened to them??
I'm quite impressed by how he can tuck his shirt in, it's an engineering feat I tell ya!!

Open Letter to the COMPUTER ILLITERATE

For Christ Sakes it's CONTROL ALT DELETE
NOT:
CURL Alt Delete
CENTRAL Alt Delete
That 3 finger thing

Yes Virginia, you DO need to have the Num Lock key ON to use the "calculator thingy" on the right side of the keyboard

No dipshit, yesterday's rain storm DID NOT lock your computer password out. Your stupid fingers did.

It's normally called a CPU NOT:
That big box thing
My Modem
A cupholder (the cd drawer, yes it's true)
My foot-rest

It amazes me how some people even make it to work safely each day.

Reality Tv - Come to the dark side with me

Ok, I've got a new show in my lineup of useless reality TV shows:

Star Tomorrow

I personally feel that it's WAYYY better than American Idol *GASP* (clutching the pearls)

She Actually Sh*t Herself

The other half finally returned from Man (Drunk Jack-Ass) Fest 2006.
He said he was dehydrated..from what I wonder??
Lifting weights?
NO
Running a marathon?
Hell Naw
Drinking like a frat boy??
DING DING DING!! YES, YOU ARE CORRECT SIR!!!

He admitted to me that he only ate 3 times in 3 days..WTF??
I suspect they slept in the car but he swears they had a hotel room..And why the hell do you have TWO cans of air freshener in your luggage??
He says: Well, Guys take shits
Me: Umm ok?

Men are strange

So anyway, I said all taht to say this...
I was watching Flavor Of Love on VH1, I know what your thinking..but dammit, it's like eye crack..I just can't stop looking at it.
There was a girl on there that actually shit on herself after teh clock ceremony...what the hell is wrong with a grown person taht shits on themselves??????
She claimed that her stomach turned around and said:
Bitch, You got me fucked up!!

Mine stomach has said that to me quite a few times but i haven't shit on myself in at least 32 of my 33 years of life on this planet! Eww, nasty cow

Drinking is obviously not for everyone.

This One Time at Bar Camp...The Time I Started A Bar Fight

Ok so I'm working a shift that about two hours earlier than my regular one. I'm sleepy as hell and I feel the need to tell someone about the stupid shit I've done in the past.

I worked part time at a night club on the weekends. One night I finally accepted my co-worker's invitation to hang out after work (Keep in mind, it's close to 4am). They wanted to go to a club that stayed open until 7am (woo hoo!). They were bouncers AND lesbians (once again, woo hoo!)but I didn't let that stop me.

Cut to the after hours club

We're sitting at a table having one of many free drinks ("club courtesy" is great) and all of a sudden this guy at the next table starts asking me for the napkin under my drink ( a sopping wet napkin at that)

Drunk Dude: Hey, can I get that napkin?
Me: [Insert perplexed look here]
Drunk Dude: Hey, can I get that napkin?
Me: Ask the waitress
Drunk Dude: Hey, can I get that napkin?
Me: Go to the bar!! Shit.
At this point, me and my lesbian bouncer friends decide to move to the bar
Drunk Dude: I'll drive you bitches up a wall
Now we're in full "What the fuck did you say" mode
So to be a real ass, I laid the dirty, wet napkin that he requested on his shoulder and walked off.
Then the drunk bastard THREW THE NAPKIN AT ME!!!
In my head I heard a needle dragging across a record..everything went in slow motion, somehow my (free) drink left my hand at a high rate of speed and clocked him in the head..His drunk ass budy then threww his beer at me, it's all in my hair and Bitch, it's time to fight..
Luckily, my big lesbian bouncer friends and their male counterparts came to my rescue..WE LITTERALLY CLEARED THE CLUB!!! If you look carefully at the security tapes, you'll see my cowardly lion ass heading for the door with everybody else while my bouncer buddies kicked ass...except for our "pretty" doorman in the white suit..is that blood on your Dior tie?? Ooops.
Who knew that drunk dude had so many friends in that VIP section???

ANOTHER annoying co-worker

As if I didn't have enough problems with Belly..Now I have another podmate that needs to be slapped.
We've determined that he has some sort of "Parroting/Tourette's Syndrome-Disorder". I'll explain:
Annoying Co-worker: (The phones all of a sudden become very busy and then..) We got a BLOWOUT HERE!!

1 minute later

Annoying Co-worker:We got a BLOWOUT HERE!!

30 seconds later

Annoying Co-worker:We got a BLOWOUT HERE!!
Me: (thinking) SHUT THE HELL UP!!

OK so the blowout is over, he starts in with the singing of the same line of early 90's songs

Annoying Co-worker: This is how we do it...

2 minutes later

Annoying Co-worker: This is how we do it...

30 seconds later

Annoying Co-worker: This is how we do do ddddddd (lame attempt at a remix) do it...

lather, rinse and repeat

Or he'll break into a non-ending refrain of:

I want to get away...I want to flyyyy awaaayyy yeah... yeah!!

I swear to god, he's gonna die tonight. The other pod mates have learned to tune him out since the've worked with him for years but I guess I'm not "there" yet.

God forbid anyone actually laughs out loud across the room..he'll "mimic" them non-stop and expect you to laugh.

Oh wait!! I forgot!! After every phone call he says:(in lame out of touch "jive talk")
Another satisfied customer!!!

LET THE MAN-FEST BEGIN!! (oh please..)

Last night the other half got a haircut, it's been 3 weeks and you'd think he was about to die by the way he was bitching and complaining this whole time.
It looks really good but you'd swear he was a damn super-model..sauntering around wearing sunglasses and slathering on Carmex all night..yes I said wearing sunglasses at night..I'm living with P. Diddy's retarded twin.

I plan on going out with the girls tonight so the other half dropped me off at work this morning. Thanks for leaving me with the UN-air conditioned car..love ya..mean it.

Somehow in one of the "man meetings", it was decided that he would drive his nice "new" car on the road trip. I guess since I don't technically own that car, I can't tell him what to do with it but...
He has this friend who likes to partake of certain green plants if ya know what I mean.

All I need is to get a phone call from the state police sometime this weekend talkin' 'bout:

Miss Linka72, we have detained the other half for blah blah..posession..blah blah..trafficking..blah blah

I hope everything goes well..I definitely do not have bail money this week.

I am SOOOOO Lame

I feel the need to blog every day for some reason..even though **GASP** I have nothing to talk about.

I've been reading some of the blogs on the blogroll I joined.
I find the "mommy blogs' really interesting. They give really great insight on the "ins and outs" of motherhood.

I really need to give birth to somebody some time soon. Me and the other half are getting pressure to get married first...we're such unholy fornicators!!!

I used to work with a lady that was actually pissed off that I wasn't married. Whatever, lady..YOUR marriage wasn't even going that well so who are you to judge...OK soap-box moment over.

It would probably be good to be out of my apartment and in a house before we invite another person into the world.