Monday, August 07, 2006

This One Time at Bar Camp...The Time I Started A Bar Fight

Ok so I'm working a shift that about two hours earlier than my regular one. I'm sleepy as hell and I feel the need to tell someone about the stupid shit I've done in the past.

I worked part time at a night club on the weekends. One night I finally accepted my co-worker's invitation to hang out after work (Keep in mind, it's close to 4am). They wanted to go to a club that stayed open until 7am (woo hoo!). They were bouncers AND lesbians (once again, woo hoo!)but I didn't let that stop me.

Cut to the after hours club

We're sitting at a table having one of many free drinks ("club courtesy" is great) and all of a sudden this guy at the next table starts asking me for the napkin under my drink ( a sopping wet napkin at that)

Drunk Dude: Hey, can I get that napkin?
Me: [Insert perplexed look here]
Drunk Dude: Hey, can I get that napkin?
Me: Ask the waitress
Drunk Dude: Hey, can I get that napkin?
Me: Go to the bar!! Shit.
At this point, me and my lesbian bouncer friends decide to move to the bar
Drunk Dude: I'll drive you bitches up a wall
Now we're in full "What the fuck did you say" mode
So to be a real ass, I laid the dirty, wet napkin that he requested on his shoulder and walked off.
Then the drunk bastard THREW THE NAPKIN AT ME!!!
In my head I heard a needle dragging across a record..everything went in slow motion, somehow my (free) drink left my hand at a high rate of speed and clocked him in the head..His drunk ass budy then threww his beer at me, it's all in my hair and Bitch, it's time to fight..
Luckily, my big lesbian bouncer friends and their male counterparts came to my rescue..WE LITTERALLY CLEARED THE CLUB!!! If you look carefully at the security tapes, you'll see my cowardly lion ass heading for the door with everybody else while my bouncer buddies kicked ass...except for our "pretty" doorman in the white that blood on your Dior tie?? Ooops.
Who knew that drunk dude had so many friends in that VIP section???

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