Keep It Shady

As I mentioned in my previous post, I went to the porn shop Friday.

I was completely APPALLED!!

First of all when I walked in, I was GREETED, very loudly by the girl behind the register..umm could you shut up bitch?? I am trying to be incognegro up in here and you are ruining it, Missy!!

After getting over that shock, I decided to peruse the dildo aisle...here comes Miss Mary Sunshine again!!
Her: Can I help you find anything??
Me: (avoiding eye contact) Uh..no, just looking for Dirty Santa gift
Her: OH MY GOD!!! WE HAVE LOTS OF GREAT STUFF!!! blah blah blah blah
Me: (Thinking) Is this broad serious?

She then scampered off to bother the next customer who looked at her in an equally embarrassed way.

I don't know 'bout you, but I prefer my porn stores dimly lit, shady with the faintest smell of disinfectant, not all bright and cheery and shit.

What is this world coming to??

Oh did I tell you about one of my TOP 5 embarrassing moments???

I was in a sex shop...minding my own damn business..I went to check out and..and..and..The "thing I bought" wouldn't scan...shit!!!
I watched in horror as the counter boy slowly grabbed the overhead microphone thingy (creaking and feedback included) and yells: PRICE CHECK!!! If I could have folded myself up in a molecule, I would have. Then the guy he asked for the price check couldn't seem to find it in the section he was in so HE YELLS: Dude, which one was it???!!!
Then, of course, the ass behind the counter RAISES IT IN THE AIR and yells "DUDE, it's THIS ONE"....

I promise, I would have paid $6,0000 for that fucking thing at that very moment.