I need a vacation from my vacation.....
I got off of work early to go Christmas shopping because I seemingly like to smoke crack in my sleep.
The mall was "straight stupid" by the time I got there at 1pm...I nearly got run over in the parking lot by an SUV/soccer mom..(and you know how I feel about the SUV/soccer moms). I should have keyed her shit but I had to get to Lane Bryant.
I kicked LB in the teeth and only spent $65..most of it was for myself...what? I figure if ya can't treat yourself then who CAN you treat???? Anyway, they had $45 purses in there for $5.95, I bought 4 of them. Hell,I figure that's what it cost to make them so I did pretty well.
I then made the mistake of going into Claire's..bad move. The store is about 14 square feet of shiny bullshit, add to that about 57 people all going for the same earrings and you've got a mess on your hands. I finally made it out of there alive and decided to wander in to Bloomingdales..after looking at a $90 Ralph Lauren baby sweater, I wandered my ass right back out.
Then, because I hadn't been tortured enough, I decided to go to Wal-Mart...yeah, I know.
I picked up all the gifts for the "old guys" in my life. Socks, pajamas etc...Of course I could not leave without that $11 jean jacket for myself..what? It was on clearance and it has brass accents for god's sake!!
Worked my part-time job..cause I'm stupid.
Michael Vick came in to get his free shoes and clothes per his Nike deal.
Isn't it funny that once you get rich, everything is FREE!!??!!
Anyway..he was stuck up, as usual...ok maybe I'm being mean, maybe he's just shy..whatever.
We sat around most of the day watching cooking shows. The Other Half made Nigella's Chicken and Sausage Bake. It was pretty damn good, I don't like italian sausage though...picky, picky, picky.
I made a Nilla Banana Pudding for a party we were going to on Christmas. Yes, I made the recipe from scratch dammit!! I tried it once with instant pudding and it just wasn't the same.
Look at this recipe from a Blog called The Noisy Kitchen - freaking hilarious
Woo Hoo it's Christmas dammmit!!! Me and TOH made our own ghetto version of a Honeybaked Ham for our friend's party..damn tasty, we used pineapple rum in the glaze with lots of brown sugar and some dried mustard..we are such chefs.
Our first trip was to my step-cousin's (I think) house. Really nice house, just out in the middle of east Egypt. They only paid $160,000 for it two years ago..of course the townhouses across the street from my apartment start in the high $300,000s..bastards.
I got one of those huge, fluffy robe/house dress things from my Step Grandma..I freakin LOVE it more than words can express..mmmm toasty.
They made a spinach and cheese quiche for brunch..I shouldn't have eaten so much of it..damn my stomach hurts and I refuse to poop at other people's houses (Remember "Shit Break" from American Pie??).
Next/Last Stop - We're finally at the Christmas Party..damn, that's a lot of food over there. As if I wasn't already sick, I ate more food..this must be what Belly feels like..mindless eating for no reason.
Ok, throw the "shit comment" that I made earlier out the window...I couldn't take it anymore, I HAD to go. Luckily we were at my pregnant friend's house and she actually invites you to shit at her house..she likes for people to be comfortable..uh, ok.
We were having a pretty good time over there until my pregnant friend's husband (who happened to be blazing drunk by the time we got there) started to watch the Cowboys game...he acts as if he plays for the damn team or something. At one point he got so pissed off that he threw the remote at the wall!
My poor Mom was there and she was so embarrassed. I wanted to kill his ass after the first 50 "F-bombs" he dropped in front of her and then TOH was ready to go..you know it's serious when even HE gets mad.
Well, party ruined, time to go home.
I was so tired that I went STRAIGHT to bed...and in the amazing way that he has perfected, TOH was asleep AND snoring loudly before my head hit the pillow...I feel like choking him sometimes.
Just when I was in that real good, peaceful dreaming like sleep, the damn phone rings....I'm thinking somebody BETTER be dead or at least bleeding severely.
I looked over at the Caller-ID and it's one of TOH's friends from his hometown...I knew that if I picked it up, somebody's feelings would be hurt so I let it ring...damn it all to hell, now I'm awake..and so is TOH..we're both pissed and I dare him to call that bastard back..he never did. I tossed and turned until 2am and TOH fell asleep watching tv in the front room...we were NOT happy campers the next morning as you can imagine.
People can be so damn rude.