Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Men Are Stupid

The Other Half (TOH) could earn a degree in Silent Treatment with a double minor in Witholding Affection and Avoidance
Actually he could both teach the class AND write the textbook.

He's been pissed off at me since I pulled a "Crazy Bitch" (according to him) move this weekend.
Here's what happened:

Saturday night he told me the story of how one of his friends had been robbed the previous day. The robber roughed up the guy's kids including a baby. This guy says that he saw OUR car driving away from the scene as if to say The Other Half robbed him...I know, WTF???
Even though he is a "former thug", The Other Half is SOOO not "that guy".

A mutual friend of theirs then calls TOH at home on Saturday and says that there is a bounty on his head so to speak and that they're going to "get his ass"...again, WTF???

Long story short, they finally find out that the robber was a close friend of the victim's from NewYork and now everything is squashed and TOH is off the hook.....uh..Thanks?

So TOH let's the day progress, we go to our friend's house in separate cars, have some drinks and pizza, she took my weave out, we watched TV..blah blah blah.
I decided to go home and he said he wanted to stay a while longer. He called home at around 1:30 am saying he was going to play pool with (we'll call him) Bubba, Bubba just happens to be one of the assholes that accused TOH of being a home invader just a few hours ago....yeah, stupid huh?
I asked if he thought that was a good idea and he dismissed me as if to say "run along silly girl, shoo".
I somehow dozed off and woke up in a damn panic around 3:30am - of course his ass wasn't home yet..I called his cell phone at leat 10 times..no answer...Now I've got all kinds of horrible scenarios floating around in my head like they lured him out there to set him up and now he's dead in a ditch.
After a couple of minutes (it doesn't take me long to panic) He calls back all calm and cool:
TOH: What's up?
Me: What the fuck do you mean "what's up?"
TOH: Why are you trippin' ?
Me: WHERE ARE YOU?? You said you'd be home in 30 minutes..that was like 2 hours ago
TOH: (Sighing..like I'm just so tedious) I told you who I was out with, What's the problem?
Me: THAT"S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM!! How the hell are you going to be "hanging out" with the guys that just accused you of robbing them?? I'm scared asshole, you JUST told me a story of how you were nearly killed and I'm supposed to be OK with that {Insert screaming and crying here}
TOH: Whatever..you are completely over-reacting and I'm hanging up..CLICK..

Gasp..clutch the pearls..that asshole hung up on me...somebody will die before sun up.

He gets home a while later..I can feel him staring at the back of my head..I gave him the evil eye and turned back over.
He slept on the couch and probably hasn't said 15 words to me since them..so what.

Ok, I say "so what" but what I really mean is: PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!, DON'T BE MAD!! I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT YOUR DUMB ASS
But I'd never admit it to HIM..whaddya crazy?


We're speaking again..He's got a bad cold and probably just wants sympathy..that was a mean thought..but I'm mean, remember?


Kate said...

Testosterone is just stupid.

I have a long story about being 5 months pregnant at home while my mother-in-law was visiting, and my husband went to a concert, then decided to stay out until 4:00 in the morning. And left the cell phone in the car. Jackass.

Someday I might forgive him for the year that scraped off my life.

Riotgrrlwargasm said...

Whenever Hubby pulls that shit, I shame him by asking him if he thinks he's still 15. I remind him that he's a Big Boy now and if he wants to stay married he better start acting like it. It usually pisses him off at first, but by the next day he's sober and apologizes for being an A-hole.

Once in a while I go MIA with a friend or my cousin and it drives him UP A WALL. See, if he's out of the house, he thinks he shouldn't have to be reachable, but when I go out? The idiot calls me every 15 minutes! "Honey, where's the [frozen burrito/remote control/toilet paper/fire alarm battery/house key]?" "Honey, when are you coming home?" "Honey, will you order me some food and bring it home?"

Aaaarrrrgghhhh! Leave me alone! So, as you can imagine, sometimes I ignore him and he just goes batshit. But he can't accuse me of being an overgrown teenager because I'm the one with their shit together on this team, so I just use it as more fuel to shame him, "Oh yeah, well how did you like it? Now you know how it feels for me every time YOU disappear!!" Apologies follow close behind. I got that system worked out!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but I think I'm gonna side with your hubby in this one.

Riotgrrlwargasm said...

Uh, Blaze: did you READ her entry? Why would you side with him? Do you go hang out with people that accuse you of robbery and assault on an infant? If you do, you're an IDIOT.

Who goes out to chill with people who HOURS BEFORE wanted to beat you to a bloody pulp and put out an All Points Bulletin on the thug network for your ass? There's really no way to recall that kind of APB: the guys who put the word out were like, "oh, my bad," but the methed-out hotheads at the corner bar don't know that the case of mistaked identity was cleared up.

STUPID. Men are morons. The only way they learn is to land in the damn hospital! "I can bike without a helmet, leave me alone--" BLAM/lights and sirens... "These guys are cool, don't worry about me--" BLAM/lights out, wake up in intensive care... "I can drive, I only had 4 drinks--" BLAM/felony manslaughter, meet your new boyfriend Walter.

Linka72 said...

Riotgrrlwargasm said.."I can bike without a helmet, leave me alone--" BLAM/lights and sirens... "These guys are cool, don't worry about me--" BLAM/lights out, wake up in intensive care... "I can drive, I only had 4 drinks--" BLAM/felony manslaughter, meet your new boyfriend Walter.

I swear, I JUST laughed my very large ass off...I'm glad someone sees my point!!

Anonymous said...

Men are idiots most of the time and Riotgrrlwargasm, that was hilarious and dead on! I do my fair share of worrying, but most of the time, I try to let them hang themselves - seems to be the only way they learn.....

As for you, Linka, I agree with you 100%.

Orhan Kahn said...

Wait, what?

skinnylittleblonde said...

Girl...he's lucky to have you & hopefully he'll realize that before something more serious than a damn cold hits him.