Work Emergency...and Stupid Managers

I was walking in to work today..walking up the stairwell when I heard this really loud sobbing noise...WTF?? Me and my co-worker looked at each other and made our way around the corner to find one of the temps (Dufus who types laBtop) balled up in the corner clutching her chest...I don't do emergencies very well so all I could do was scream "are you alright?? what's wrong???!!!" at the poor girl.

She managed to tell us that she was in very bad pain and that she couldn't breathe..oh shit

I screamed that I was going to get somebody for her..imagine my co-worker's surprise at seeing me bust through the doors hollerin' about calling 911...somebody handed me a phone...one of those DAMN Iphones talking about "Push the blue button"..what fucking blue button?? Where are the framalamin' numbers?? Finally somebody handed me another phone..with numbers on it..what's the number to 911?? I seriously thought that..I am stupid.

The 911 lady picked up and because I was on a cell phone, she had to patch me through to the correct county..jeeeeesus!!
The next guy picked up and asked 1400 questions and then I had to feel her up to make sure she wasn't clammy..that was awkward...

One of the managers came flying in to "save the day"...in her annoying sing-songy type of voice "I can handle it from heeeeeere Linka"..like she was telling me to "shoo fly"..bitch. I ignored her and tried to calm the girl down. We have a medical dept. here so one of the nurses was there checking her vitals and such. Even the nurse had to give miss sing-song sunshine the eveil eye at one point.
Well after dealing with the cluster fuck of finding the right back door (Our company has a huge maze of a campus), the paramedics finally came (oooh, firemen).

Funny thing is: The paramedic could barely get his fat ass up the FIRST flight of stairs!! He was wheezing worse than Dufus was..the "ha ha" of it all was lost on her though.
All I could think was, what if I have to call a paramedic..FOR THE PARAMEDIC!!
Anywhoooo...
The stairway was blocked by:

A: Poor Dufus
B: Poor fat paramedic guy
C: Poor nurse from the medical dept.

thus making it impossible to "get back to work" but Sing-song sunshiney bitch was still standing there tapping her foot like she wanted all of us to get back on the damn phones..there's a broad on the floor, screaming in pain you stupid cow...she then asked Dufus' friend if she was going to the hospital with her.."yes, of course" she said..then Sing-song sunshiney had the nerve to say: "Well do you WANT to go??"...Dufus' friend just gave her the "are you serious, bitch" look and miss thing backed down.

Dufus decided to have her friend drive her to the hospital so the paramedics left and I unfortunately had to go back upstairs..BOOOOOO!!

UPDATE: Seems that Dufus coughed so hard this morning from having walking pneumonia, she pulled a muscle in her chest..ouch...get that girl some Hyrdocodone...