Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Traumatized - Auntie Daycare Part 2

Sunday night, Inappropriate Tool Guy calls to tell me that their babysitter's sister died last week and that she's still not over it..poor thing.

This means that 1yr old Lil' Bit needs a babysitter on Monday..which means I'm their "Only Hope".
I figured that since she was returned in one piece last time, this should be a breeze...famous last words...

Since my car broke down..again..we're down to one car. I usually take TOH to work on Mondays and Tuesdays so I can have transportation to important places such as Joann's Fabrics and the grocery store..and Border's so I can read books for free all day on my days off...because I'm just SO busy like that..

Anyway, Tool Guy offers me two choices:

A: Spend the night at their house like I'm an Au Pair
B: He'll drop his car off at our house that night so I can drive it back to their house in the morning..and be the Au Pair

on a lazy Sunday afternoon, none of these sounded like a good idea but I chose option B.
He didn't seem very comfortable with her spending the night at our house again, I guess.

When I got there Monday morning, on the way out the door, Lil Bit's mom mentioned that the neighbor, (who also goes to the same babysitter) MAY need to drop her baby off for a couple of hours too..uh, ok.

Me and Lil' Bit were doing ok, she kept bullying my food from me though. I usually have no problem elbowing little kids in the neck but she was giving me the cute puppy-dog face.
Then doorbell rang and it was the neighbor and her baby..she was soooo cute and chunky..and really heavy for an 8 month old. I think I'll call her SuperChunks.

SuperChunks and Lil'Bit seemed to get along well..except for the eye gouging and hair pulling I guess. SuperChunks can't walk but she swings like she's in a girl gang.

SuperChunks is gangsta.

It's amazing the "hold" Barney and his weird little friends have on children. When Baby Bop lost her blanket..and sang a damn song about it...those babies were absolutely MESMERIZED!!
I think there's some sort of subliminal mind control going on because at one point, I started to sing along too.."Oh where, oh were could my blankie be?? Oh where oh where could it beeeeeee?? Damn you Barney!!

Lunch time was interesting. SuperChunks' mom left a container of what looked ot be peas mixed with shit and some apricots..mixed with shit.
Lil' Bit was supposed to eat parts of a grilled ham and cheese sandwich from the morning but she kept spitting out the meat..go carbs!! She was also supposed to eat some yogurt.
When I opened the peas "medley", I did SuperChunks but she ate it any way.

Being the Super Nanny that I am, I thought I could feed both of them at the same time, using two different spoons..the babies had other plans though. SuperChunks kept reaching for the container as if to knock it out of my hand and Lil' Bit was trying to find other things to poke my eyes out with big, pointy, wood blocks.

When all was said and done, all three of us ended up eating the yogurt.

Lil' Bit a man. At first it was funny but when a green cloud of gas appeared, I figured it must be time for a diaper change.

Ok, we were all downstairs...the changing table is upstairs...hmm,

Should I be an irresponsible "nanny" and leave one of the children alone while I change the other??
Should I forgo the whole "warm and toasty wet wipe experience" and just use a wet paper towel from the kitchen?

I know!! I'll attempt to carry my fat ass and TWO babies up a very steep flight of 15 stairs!! Yeah, that was a WONDERFUL idea. My back hurts...

Oh and another thing: Baby shit is NASTY

Lil' Bit presented me with a cute but stanky little snowball but SuperChunks....that little girl should be ashamed of herself...her diaper was actually bulging..yeck...once I opened it, I went into full gag mode..

Why is it halfway up her back???
Why does she feel the need to start kicking and laughing..thus kicking the diaper..when I went to move it out of the way, shit literally went flying..and it hit the

After every little girl ass and purple painted wall was clean, I got everybody back downstairs..I had to hurry since The Young and The Restless is on damn it!!
I duped both of them into going to sleep while I watched my stories..quiet..finally.

My mom and sister came by later in the afternoon and I was able to leave and get some lunch. I think the novelty of them had worn off by the time I got back because my mom looked like she was ready to run out to the car cute.

I got them back to sleep again..did I care that they may be up all night after I left?? NOPE.

Inappropriate Tool Guy got home around 3pm and messed everything up by taking Lil'Bit from her very comfortable place.. my shoulder..jostling SuperChunks..waking her up...daaaaaaamn it!!!!

SuperChunks' mom didn't come back until 6pm..*sigh*, I'm tired, hungry and ready to go at this point but Tool Guy insisted that they take me to dinner for my trouble..umm, ok, I guess.
Somehow we got everybody together:
Lil' Bit, her parents, SuperChunks, her 10 yr old sister, her mom..and me to the 3 different cars (??)

Long story short..O'Charley's can go straight to hell..

An hour and a half to get our food??? Ridiculous. Luckily, I had ordered a very big Mojito as soon as we sat down.
The manager reduced the bill by about 80% and we got all our food "to go"....

by the time I got home, all I could do was say a slurred hello to TOH and fell directly on my bed..clothes and all..I gave TOH my dinner and I don't remember much after that.

And the moral of the story is:

Be like a hooker and.....Demand cash..up front!!!



Oh, you poor thing...I am so sorry to laugh at your expense...but that was some funny shit., next time they need a sitter, or you going to hang up on them?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

This story is too funny!!

I guess Super Chunks has got two reasons for her name.