I went back to traffic court last night..who has traffic court at 5:00 pm??...the dummies in my state do.
This would be my second time going to court since I decided to plead Not Guilty to that stupid Improper Lane Change ticket. I mostly did that because 1. I thought the charge was bullshit and 2. I didn't have the money to pay the ticket.
I left my house at 3:00 pm even though it is only a 25 minute drive, highway traffic sucks here and the parking situation at the courthouse is a cluster fuck.
But of course, just my luck, traffic was fabulous and I found a parking space right away..great, now I'm early for court..stink ass central.
It must be a prerequisite that you have to smell like fresh manure and cigarette smoke before coming to court because every time I come here, that's what my nostrils are assaulted by....anyway, 2:00 court was still in session at 5:15 pm and I'm pissed. I asked the clerk broad when 5:00 court would be starting and she gave me the stank attitude answer of "5:00..like it says"....bitch, I should have knocked her papers on the floor.
Finally they just told us to go in and sit down to wait for the next judge. A man was already at the podium arguing his case..he must have been a lawyer or something because he was going for broke..it all ended with the judge saying: "Sir, that's all well and good but you were speeding in a school zone for christ's sake!!!"..he skulked off to pay his fine..the next few people plead guilty like dummies and had to pay their fines. The judge was an older white guy with salt and pepper hair. He looked like he made good hot chocolate...I'm not quite sure what that means but it felt right when I thought it.
After what seemed like two weeks, the 5:00 judge showed up, a younger black guy..seemed bothered to be there though..shit, I hope he's lenient...
He called all the 21 yrs and younger people up and made them take a mandatory class that cost $90..ouch!! But I guess it's better than paying a $300 fine for being young and stupid (ie. Hanging waist deep out of a car window to retrieve keys from another car's roof..at 30 miles an hour..)
It was apparent that the judge was trying to stall until the officers from all the cases got there. I overheard him bullshitting about the Super Bowl with the bailiff and I'm damn sure I saw him playing Solitaire on his computer between cases...WTF??
When it was clear that none of them were going to show up, he started dismissing cases (woo hoo!!). I thought I saw the cop in my case but turns out, that was a man..oops.
One lady got a $280 ticket for driving without her headlights...damn..she told me in the hallway that she would fight it "to the death"...he dismissed hers and reminded her to, next time, turn her lights on..I guess that was his attempt at brevity.
The clerk called my name..or at least it was a form of my name..with an R in it...my name does not contain an R...and asked if I was pleading guilty, not guilty or no lo contendre...NOT GUILTY SIR!!! and by the way..are you saying *blank*?? (I really wish I was using my real name in this blog so you could see just how bad he was fucking my name up). Clerk dude claimed that he indeed was calling me and told me to wait..some more.
Finally the judge called another jacked up form of my name..this time with an O and a U..and an I (??) and I went to the podium...'bout time ass nose..I was the second to the last person left in the courtroom!!!
Judge: Miss blankety blank...how do you plead to the charge of Improper Lane Change?
Me: Not Guilty, your Honor
Judge: Have a nice day
Me: ummm..er..ok, thank you!!!
Talk about *whew*, that saved me $130..that I still didn't have. I guess that sometimes it pays to stall....