I went to Cardio Funk class at Bally Total Fitness last night...somebody kill me please.
The instructor's name was Peter. He was pretty fucking hot ( he looked like an ex stripper) but by the end of the class, I wanted to follow him to his car and kick him in the nuts.
I walked in there all cocky and shit, saying to myself: "Oh yeah, I got this...I am a Dance, Dance, Dance, Dance, Dancin Machine (Watch me get down)...look at all these slugs in here...what is she? Mexican or something? I have wayyyy more rhythm than that heffa...Omigod!! Is that Richard Simmons ???"
Yes people, there was a very pasty, very gay-like man in there with a striped HEADBAND and DOLPHIN SHORTS...what in the fucking hell??
Anyway, I digress...
So Mr. Sexy Stripper Man starts the music - Kirk Franklin's Looking For You - A nice slow to mid tempo song about Jesus...(something I definitely need). And here I go again with the cockiness: "Oh yeah, I am sooo the shi..oops this is a church song...THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!..Mr. Sexy Stripper Man turns the BPM's up to about 600 and starts flailing around all crazy...but here's the fuckin' kicker: THE WHOLE CLASS KNEW THE "ROUTINE"!!!
I looked like a complete asshole.....
Shamed as all hell, I tried to stay near the back of the class - in the "scrub section" - but Peter kept making us do twirls and shit so I would end up in the "front" of the class - with all the advanced people gawking at my awkward ass..so sad
And then if all that wasn't bad enough...IT WAS HOT IN THERE!! There was one of those damn "hot" yoga classes right before ours..damn yoga people.
So anyway, 10 seconds into the workout, I was sweating like Belly at a Doughnut Convention.
Sweaty is not cute..yeckkkk