Traffic Court can suck it....
A couple of months ago, I got a ticket for Improper Lane Change..WTF is that?? I STILL don't know because the cop never explained it..I was trying to get to a really inconvenient meeting for my part-time job...on a Sunday..at 6:30pm...bastards...when the next thing I know, I see the "blue lights".
Great, now what? The cop walked up to the car and says: Where ya tryin' to get to?
I told her about the meeting and she just nods and takes my license back to her car..after checking me out for warrants and such she comes back with that damned metal box ticketety thing...shit...she said some shit about me changing lanes a lot (not that I didn't signal, or that I was being reckless, just that I was changing a lot) and that since she couldn't get me for speeding, that she would get me for Improper Lane Change....huh?
I asked her if this was going to be expensive and she claimed to "not know" but that she was sure that it was one of the "lesser ones"..whatever, broad.
If you know the part of town she caught me in, you know that it is filled to the fucking brim with bad drivers, mostly people who haven't driven in this country before, if ya know what I mean. It's ABSOLUTELY NECCESARY to change lanes going through there to avoid "bullshit and foolishness" unless you like having a wrecked car!!!!
So anyway, after checking on the ticket via the automated system for 2 FUCKING MONTHS, it finally registered (3 days before my court date) and the computer voice kindly informed me that the fine would be $136.00...uh, what? I nearly shit myself.
For some reason, I decided that going to Traffic Court (Otherwise known as Recorders Court)would be some sort of good idea..I was wrong thankyouverymuch.
I, of course could not find a parking space, 'cuz that would be great, so I "made" a parking space in this weird half mud/half gravel lot. Then when I walked up to the place it looked light a nightclub..there was actually a line to get in..almost wrapping around the buliding..what kind of fresh bullshit is this??
Oh great, metal detectors..the poor guy in front of me got screamed at for holding up the line and had his little bowl snatched up..the deputies here are fucking miserable..after sitting in a room full of stink for 10 minutes, I realized that I was in the wrong damn room..fucking great...as I skulked into the right room and sat there for an hour, I then began to worry about not being able to pay my fine that day. It seems that every "deal" the judge was offering the crowd, didn't quite fit my situation..towards the end I just plead Not Guilty to buy more time. When I walked up to the solicitor/clerk/bitch and asked her if I could possibly speak to the judge, she SCREAMED at me: "NO!!".....uh, what bitch?
I was so surprised by this that I just stuttered "excuse me?"
solicitor/clerk/bitch: I said you can talk to the judge when it's your court date
me: uh..ok
I was so fucking embarassed..I should have slapped her...but then the bailiff would have had to shoot me..more problems.
So really long story short, I have to wait for a mailing to tell me when my next court date is..that's when the cop gets to show up and make me look stupid..yay me.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
Life Is....
I thought since I was at work, exploiting company resources (i.e. the really fast laser printer and copy machine), I should post something.
Overheard:
Life is a shit sandwich, eat it or starve!!!
True, so very true....
Overheard:
Life is a shit sandwich, eat it or starve!!!
True, so very true....
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy New Year????
Back to work..yay..whatever.
I had my family over for New Year's Eve, New Year's Day..and the next day...needless to say, I'm one tired bitch.
It was mostly a blur but I do remember being pissed at TOH for most of it...not exactly sure why..maybe it was the fact that he went out on New fuckin' Year's Eve with one of his buddies while we had a house full of people..huh?
He claimed that he'd informed of this little tidbit DAYS ago and that somehow, I had agreed to it..bullshit
I freaked out and told him as such and he just stood there and looked at me like I was crazy..as usual.
He went out anyway and I drank a lot of frozen margaritas with my mom. I'm not sure when he got home (didn't care at that point) but I had a hangover the next morning so that definitely did not help my attitude.
Before I could make breakfast for the horde, I had to keep myself from choking TOH because before he went to bed, he decided to put about 5000 pounds of pork on "foil lined" cookie sheets to cook overnight..
pork + really shallow cookie sheets = greasy fucking mess all over the oven
He thought that wiping down the oven DOOR would make it all better...he neglected to notice the 4 inches of pork grease on the oven floor....note to self: smoke alarms are noisy and my husband seems to be on crack.
mmm..pork smoked biscuits..how tasty
Why is it that when you provide your family members with perfectly good, sturdy, clear plastic-ware and nice paper Chinet plates, you STILL end up running three full dishwasher loads of silverware and stoneware plates???
*sigh*
anywhoooo..somehow, last night I pulled a groin muscle while sleeping..maybe TOH was trying to "get some" overnight and I locked my crotch area down subconsciously..I'm finding it hard to walk...people are making jokes about how I " must have had a GREAT weekend"....let's kill them.
I had my family over for New Year's Eve, New Year's Day..and the next day...needless to say, I'm one tired bitch.
It was mostly a blur but I do remember being pissed at TOH for most of it...not exactly sure why..maybe it was the fact that he went out on New fuckin' Year's Eve with one of his buddies while we had a house full of people..huh?
He claimed that he'd informed of this little tidbit DAYS ago and that somehow, I had agreed to it..bullshit
I freaked out and told him as such and he just stood there and looked at me like I was crazy..as usual.
He went out anyway and I drank a lot of frozen margaritas with my mom. I'm not sure when he got home (didn't care at that point) but I had a hangover the next morning so that definitely did not help my attitude.
Before I could make breakfast for the horde, I had to keep myself from choking TOH because before he went to bed, he decided to put about 5000 pounds of pork on "foil lined" cookie sheets to cook overnight..
pork + really shallow cookie sheets = greasy fucking mess all over the oven
He thought that wiping down the oven DOOR would make it all better...he neglected to notice the 4 inches of pork grease on the oven floor....note to self: smoke alarms are noisy and my husband seems to be on crack.
mmm..pork smoked biscuits..how tasty
Why is it that when you provide your family members with perfectly good, sturdy, clear plastic-ware and nice paper Chinet plates, you STILL end up running three full dishwasher loads of silverware and stoneware plates???
*sigh*
anywhoooo..somehow, last night I pulled a groin muscle while sleeping..maybe TOH was trying to "get some" overnight and I locked my crotch area down subconsciously..I'm finding it hard to walk...people are making jokes about how I " must have had a GREAT weekend"....let's kill them.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Damn You Santa
Guess what I got for Christmas.....
Yep, food poisoning. And it seems like I was the only one who got it..TOH is probably trying to kill me for the insurance money.
Yesterday, since I had the day off, I laid around and ate leftover food from Christmas day..big mistake.
I think it was the cornbread dressing..it seemed a little moist for my taste (probably bacteria masking itself as chicken stock) but my fat ass ate it anyway.
That was at around 12:30 pm...by 3:30 pm, I woke up and was a little delirious but just shook it off and blamed it on hunger.
So then I ate a fajita with fixings from Christmas Eve..with sour cream AND cheese...more mistakes for me, thanks.
It seems that I fell back into another daze of some sort and when TOH came home at 5:00 pm, he said I looked weird and tired.."oh bollocks", I said and claimed that I was just a little confused from sleeping all day. He was hungry so we went to the sports bar down the street and I ate a loaded, greasy baked potato and picked at a cheeseburger..do you see a pattern developing???
I went to bed around 10:00 pm after eating 3 little vanilla sandwich cookies and my stomach hurt a little..I shrugged it off until:
1:30 am: It felt like somebody had kicked me in the ribs..not cute
2:00 am: In tears, begging TOH to wake up and rub my stomach..*insert half ass rubbing here* he's a massage therapist for shit's sake and this is all I get!! I tried to drink some soda and chew a Pepcid..not a good idea..
2:10 am thru 6:30 am: Gas pain, bloating and projectile vomiting (oh, good times) TOH, poor thing, tried to help me but I think I screamed at him to "stop touching me"..."and turn off that DAMN light"..must remember to apologize to him today.
I do my best to avoid vomiting at all costs..hell, I can't even watch it on TV..how am I going to have kids???
So you can imagine my apprehension to even move in the slightest way because that would bring on the sweats and the watery mouth..yeck.
On top of all that, I had to work today..and people will NOT leave me alone..I should have called out sick...maybe tomorrow.
Oh..and I saw Belly in the parking lot today with a fat ass bag of greasiness when I was walking in..I can taste the bile as I type..*passing out*
Yep, food poisoning. And it seems like I was the only one who got it..TOH is probably trying to kill me for the insurance money.
Yesterday, since I had the day off, I laid around and ate leftover food from Christmas day..big mistake.
I think it was the cornbread dressing..it seemed a little moist for my taste (probably bacteria masking itself as chicken stock) but my fat ass ate it anyway.
That was at around 12:30 pm...by 3:30 pm, I woke up and was a little delirious but just shook it off and blamed it on hunger.
So then I ate a fajita with fixings from Christmas Eve..with sour cream AND cheese...more mistakes for me, thanks.
It seems that I fell back into another daze of some sort and when TOH came home at 5:00 pm, he said I looked weird and tired.."oh bollocks", I said and claimed that I was just a little confused from sleeping all day. He was hungry so we went to the sports bar down the street and I ate a loaded, greasy baked potato and picked at a cheeseburger..do you see a pattern developing???
I went to bed around 10:00 pm after eating 3 little vanilla sandwich cookies and my stomach hurt a little..I shrugged it off until:
1:30 am: It felt like somebody had kicked me in the ribs..not cute
2:00 am: In tears, begging TOH to wake up and rub my stomach..*insert half ass rubbing here* he's a massage therapist for shit's sake and this is all I get!! I tried to drink some soda and chew a Pepcid..not a good idea..
2:10 am thru 6:30 am: Gas pain, bloating and projectile vomiting (oh, good times) TOH, poor thing, tried to help me but I think I screamed at him to "stop touching me"..."and turn off that DAMN light"..must remember to apologize to him today.
I do my best to avoid vomiting at all costs..hell, I can't even watch it on TV..how am I going to have kids???
So you can imagine my apprehension to even move in the slightest way because that would bring on the sweats and the watery mouth..yeck.
On top of all that, I had to work today..and people will NOT leave me alone..I should have called out sick...maybe tomorrow.
Oh..and I saw Belly in the parking lot today with a fat ass bag of greasiness when I was walking in..I can taste the bile as I type..*passing out*
Friday, December 21, 2007
WTF???? It's Nearly 2008 For God'sSake
I just spoke to a caller that had no idea what the hell was going on...I wonder how she keeps a job.
She had to actually LOOK UP her social security number!!
I asked her to press the ENTER key on the far right hand side of the keyboard (on the keypad). I'm connected to her computer so I can see her screen and I see her mouse moving around near the clock. so I say:
Me: Ma'am, could you please press the right enter key?
Her: I don't see an enter key on the screen
Me: (thinking) WTF???
Me: Ma'am, it's on your keyboard..on the right..it says ENTER
Her: Oh, that thing
Me: Could you please enter the last 5 of your social?
Her: Huh?..wait, I have to look it up
Me: (thinking)..really..WTF??
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe she was new to this country, but she didn't have an accent....huh?
I once had to explain what the SPACEBAR was to a caller..my hand to God
She had to actually LOOK UP her social security number!!
I asked her to press the ENTER key on the far right hand side of the keyboard (on the keypad). I'm connected to her computer so I can see her screen and I see her mouse moving around near the clock. so I say:
Me: Ma'am, could you please press the right enter key?
Her: I don't see an enter key on the screen
Me: (thinking) WTF???
Me: Ma'am, it's on your keyboard..on the right..it says ENTER
Her: Oh, that thing
Me: Could you please enter the last 5 of your social?
Her: Huh?..wait, I have to look it up
Me: (thinking)..really..WTF??
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe she was new to this country, but she didn't have an accent....huh?
I once had to explain what the SPACEBAR was to a caller..my hand to God
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I Swear...An UPDATE
I am such a fucking shadetree mechanic *wiping sweat from her brow with a greasy rag*
So after three tries with the jumper cables, some really helpful (who knew?) advice and assistance from Meat Hooks and two requests to "please help me push into into/out of the parking space", I FINALLY GOT THE CAR STARTED!!!
I took a look at the manual, figured out the relay fuse box, switched out the fuel pump fuse with a spare and damn if that bitch didn't start purring like a kitten..ok, maybe a kitten with whooping cough, Bronchiectasis and tar covered lungs but a kitten nonetheless.
Maybe I should get a show on DIY or HGTV. I could cover topics such as:
How to start a piece of shit..with no money
What to do if you see smoke billowing from the a/c vents (Hint: roll down windows)
How to change a faulty power window relay (see above..it was a long day)
How to neglect your paint job until the spoiler starts to look like a dried out glazed donut
Let's play the "How did that hole get there?" game
Drag racing to the grocery store..for dummies
My Nielsen ratings will be through the roof I tell ya!!!
I can finally have a happy birthday..I think...oh my Jesus..somebody is walking over here with a balloon bouquet...must.hide.under.desk.....
So after three tries with the jumper cables, some really helpful (who knew?) advice and assistance from Meat Hooks and two requests to "please help me push into into/out of the parking space", I FINALLY GOT THE CAR STARTED!!!
I took a look at the manual, figured out the relay fuse box, switched out the fuel pump fuse with a spare and damn if that bitch didn't start purring like a kitten..ok, maybe a kitten with whooping cough, Bronchiectasis and tar covered lungs but a kitten nonetheless.
Maybe I should get a show on DIY or HGTV. I could cover topics such as:
How to start a piece of shit..with no money
What to do if you see smoke billowing from the a/c vents (Hint: roll down windows)
How to change a faulty power window relay (see above..it was a long day)
How to neglect your paint job until the spoiler starts to look like a dried out glazed donut
Let's play the "How did that hole get there?" game
Drag racing to the grocery store..for dummies
My Nielsen ratings will be through the roof I tell ya!!!
I can finally have a happy birthday..I think...oh my Jesus..somebody is walking over here with a balloon bouquet...must.hide.under.desk.....
I Swear....
If just ONE MORE bad thing happens....
Ok, maybe I shouldn't anger the gods by saying that....
Yesterday after I made an appointment for a free consultation with a bankruptcy lawyer, the thought of which is worse than fingernails across a chalkboard, my car decided that it did not want to start...because it is an asshole..and it hates me.
It's my birthday today..35 years old..I'll try to muster up some happiness since my co-workers are having a breakfast in my honor..I'm sure the Ghost Of Belly Past will smell his way over here and inhale all the donuts..since he got promoted he keeps hanging around..yeck..like I need that today.
Let me try to paint a picture of his antics lately:
Let's say Belly's new desk is in..Rhode Island.
The exit door closest to his car is in...New York.
Where we sit is in ...Texas.
Instead of taking the quickest, easiest route, this jackass decides that a daily trip through Texas for shits and giggles..then he makes it extra special by walking around with this sad ass look on his face, souting some shit about how he "misses being over here".....go away already!!
Anyway..I guess I'll try jumper cables today at lunch..fucking great.
Ok, maybe I shouldn't anger the gods by saying that....
Yesterday after I made an appointment for a free consultation with a bankruptcy lawyer, the thought of which is worse than fingernails across a chalkboard, my car decided that it did not want to start...because it is an asshole..and it hates me.
It's my birthday today..35 years old..I'll try to muster up some happiness since my co-workers are having a breakfast in my honor..I'm sure the Ghost Of Belly Past will smell his way over here and inhale all the donuts..since he got promoted he keeps hanging around..yeck..like I need that today.
Let me try to paint a picture of his antics lately:
Let's say Belly's new desk is in..Rhode Island.
The exit door closest to his car is in...New York.
Where we sit is in ...Texas.
Instead of taking the quickest, easiest route, this jackass decides that a daily trip through Texas for shits and giggles..then he makes it extra special by walking around with this sad ass look on his face, souting some shit about how he "misses being over here".....go away already!!
Anyway..I guess I'll try jumper cables today at lunch..fucking great.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Last Night A DJ Saved My Life
Well, not last night exactly....
Like Sofia said from The Color Purple: " I was feelin' mighty low Miss Celie"
Yesterday I was turned down for a debt consolidation loan (for the 3rd time in as many years) from my company's Credit Union...fuckers. It seems that the reason they turned me down was:
Excessive credit obligations in relation to income
Current/past delinquent credit history
Well duh, assholes, that's why I was asking for help!!!!
And to top things off, I received an email notice stating that my wages would be garnished for the next 6 months because of a REALLY old debt to Best Buy that was bought by a scavenger debt collector/"law office". $294 per paycheck.
Great, what next? I figure I'll be homeless by the New Year....ok, that may be a little dramatic, but still....
Well this morning after breaking down whilst brushing my teeth I got in the car to go to the job I'm starting to resent when what do I hear coming out of the speakers???
Proud Mary by Ike and Tina
Oh.My.God......I LOVE this song!!! I'm sure people at the stop light thought I was having a seizure..fuck 'em
Then he played Nutbush City Limits..oh.my.gravy...I love that one even more.
So by now I'm pulling in to the parking lot feeling a whole lot better so when that song ends, I change the station only to hear my NEW favorite song:
Hate On Me by Jill Scott..I actually started to cry..I know, I am such a sap
I love how music can change your whole outlook on things. I'm still between a rock and a sharp, jagged hard place but at least I'm feeling like I can make things better..hopefully without filing for bankruptcy.....
Like Sofia said from The Color Purple: " I was feelin' mighty low Miss Celie"
Yesterday I was turned down for a debt consolidation loan (for the 3rd time in as many years) from my company's Credit Union...fuckers. It seems that the reason they turned me down was:
Excessive credit obligations in relation to income
Current/past delinquent credit history
Well duh, assholes, that's why I was asking for help!!!!
And to top things off, I received an email notice stating that my wages would be garnished for the next 6 months because of a REALLY old debt to Best Buy that was bought by a scavenger debt collector/"law office". $294 per paycheck.
Great, what next? I figure I'll be homeless by the New Year....ok, that may be a little dramatic, but still....
Well this morning after breaking down whilst brushing my teeth I got in the car to go to the job I'm starting to resent when what do I hear coming out of the speakers???
Proud Mary by Ike and Tina
Oh.My.God......I LOVE this song!!! I'm sure people at the stop light thought I was having a seizure..fuck 'em
Then he played Nutbush City Limits..oh.my.gravy...I love that one even more.
So by now I'm pulling in to the parking lot feeling a whole lot better so when that song ends, I change the station only to hear my NEW favorite song:
Hate On Me by Jill Scott..I actually started to cry..I know, I am such a sap
I love how music can change your whole outlook on things. I'm still between a rock and a sharp, jagged hard place but at least I'm feeling like I can make things better..hopefully without filing for bankruptcy.....
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Type 2 Diabetes Can Suck It
I cried in the doctor's office on Monday.....
Why? Because my diabetic condition is getting worse...and because it's my fault....and because it just has this way of being great and on the upswing one year, then totally fucked the next year...and because I'm fucking tired of it...and it didn't help that the doctor was chastising me...I do enough of that to myself.
I ate a tortilla with melted cheese from the microwave at 11:45 am...My doctor's appointment was at 3:45 pm, they tested my blood sugar at a little after 4:00 pm..and my test showed 226!!!! what the fuck???
I know what you're saying, "Well maybe if you would just stop eating carb filled tortillas and shit..blah blah blah
I've been beaten over the head repeatedly with the whole carb thing..I'll admit it, I'm a rebel and I think that eating all that weird Fatkins food is ridiculous....
The doctor upped my dose of glyburide to 20mg a day instead of 10 mg..We'll see if that helps, if it doesn't she said that I would have to be put on insulin..yay..great.
Funny enough, if I want to get pregnant, I'll need to be put on insulin anyway...and I can look forward to a really big baby..woo hoo for me and my vagina.
And another thing..stress can make your blood sugar high..I'm nothing if not stressed..wonderful.
Why? Because my diabetic condition is getting worse...and because it's my fault....and because it just has this way of being great and on the upswing one year, then totally fucked the next year...and because I'm fucking tired of it...and it didn't help that the doctor was chastising me...I do enough of that to myself.
I ate a tortilla with melted cheese from the microwave at 11:45 am...My doctor's appointment was at 3:45 pm, they tested my blood sugar at a little after 4:00 pm..and my test showed 226!!!! what the fuck???
I know what you're saying, "Well maybe if you would just stop eating carb filled tortillas and shit..blah blah blah
I've been beaten over the head repeatedly with the whole carb thing..I'll admit it, I'm a rebel and I think that eating all that weird Fatkins food is ridiculous....
The doctor upped my dose of glyburide to 20mg a day instead of 10 mg..We'll see if that helps, if it doesn't she said that I would have to be put on insulin..yay..great.
Funny enough, if I want to get pregnant, I'll need to be put on insulin anyway...and I can look forward to a really big baby..woo hoo for me and my vagina.
And another thing..stress can make your blood sugar high..I'm nothing if not stressed..wonderful.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
More Cards..sheesh
I begrudgingly made some more...do you ever get to where you actually HATE doing your "craft" ?? I feel like it's a burden sometimes..can ya tell I'm on my period?
I swear, there's some glitter....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)