I am such a fucking shadetree mechanic *wiping sweat from her brow with a greasy rag*
So after three tries with the jumper cables, some really helpful (who knew?) advice and assistance from Meat Hooks and two requests to "please help me push into into/out of the parking space", I FINALLY GOT THE CAR STARTED!!!
I took a look at the manual, figured out the relay fuse box, switched out the fuel pump fuse with a spare and damn if that bitch didn't start purring like a kitten..ok, maybe a kitten with whooping cough, Bronchiectasis and tar covered lungs but a kitten nonetheless.
Maybe I should get a show on DIY or HGTV. I could cover topics such as:
How to start a piece of shit..with no money
What to do if you see smoke billowing from the a/c vents (Hint: roll down windows)
How to change a faulty power window relay (see above..it was a long day)
How to neglect your paint job until the spoiler starts to look like a dried out glazed donut
Let's play the "How did that hole get there?" game
Drag racing to the grocery store..for dummies
My Nielsen ratings will be through the roof I tell ya!!!
I can finally have a happy birthday..I think...oh my Jesus..somebody is walking over here with a balloon bouquet...must.hide.under.desk.....