How does one person know SOMETHING about EVERYTHING???
Belly cannot shut up. My other podmates and me could be talking about say..shit chips, well Belly will go on for about 20 minutes on the origin of shit chips.Blah Blah fuckin' Blah.
I'm going to slap him today and just act like it didn't happen.
Maybe I can convince him that I have a form of Tourette's that makes you slap people out of the blue.
Dream Dialogue of the Day:
Me: Hey other podmates, I watching a show about Discombobulators on the Discovery Ch....
Belly: (butting in as usual) Did you know that the first Discombobulator was invented by Harvey Fishgrease of Paducka Illinois, He was a great guy that owned.....
Me: (thinking) SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
This is the part where I stand up as my podmates cheer me on,(linka linka, linka!!)I turn the corner of his cube and slap his fat face SQUARE in the mouth. Now picture me walking away spouting expletives and twitching.
Wouldn't that be nice???
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The Corporate Machine
I came in to work today to find that my cube had been "tampered with". I had 3 pretty damn funny Dilbert cartoons on the "front porch wall" of my cube that basically said the company chose cheap software over effective software and one that alluded to stupid end-users rebooting themselves.
I noticed that someone had taken them down and like a yella-bellied coward, just layed them on my desk.
They had also rifled through some magazines that I had NEATLY stacked on my desk.
Do these bastards think I'm stupid?? Like I wouldn't notice????
They'll probably have something to say about the craft-keeper bag and tool kit I have under my desk.
Oh wait!! I have some tampons in the bottom drawer..are THOSE "appropriate"???!!???
There's a guy here however, that has about 6000 American Flags around his desk and they think he's just wonderful. "oh how quirky" they say..fuckers
This place blows sometimes. Don't get me wrong, it's a good, stable job but it still blows.
I'm suprised they haven't blocked this site yet (god forbid, but since thet have access to view my screen at anytime, it'll be next), they block they most innocent sites:
Wedding Sites
Golfing sites (who care)
MySpace (of course)
Sorority/Fraternity sites (But only the Afican American ones..huh?)
and a host of other bullshit sites..BUT EBAY STILL REMAINS!! Someone up high must love that site.
I noticed that someone had taken them down and like a yella-bellied coward, just layed them on my desk.
They had also rifled through some magazines that I had NEATLY stacked on my desk.
Do these bastards think I'm stupid?? Like I wouldn't notice????
They'll probably have something to say about the craft-keeper bag and tool kit I have under my desk.
Oh wait!! I have some tampons in the bottom drawer..are THOSE "appropriate"???!!???
There's a guy here however, that has about 6000 American Flags around his desk and they think he's just wonderful. "oh how quirky" they say..fuckers
This place blows sometimes. Don't get me wrong, it's a good, stable job but it still blows.
I'm suprised they haven't blocked this site yet (god forbid, but since thet have access to view my screen at anytime, it'll be next), they block they most innocent sites:
Wedding Sites
Golfing sites (who care)
MySpace (of course)
Sorority/Fraternity sites (But only the Afican American ones..huh?)
and a host of other bullshit sites..BUT EBAY STILL REMAINS!! Someone up high must love that site.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Reality TV is GRRRREAT!!
I watched Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance this weekend, good show. The other half thinks I should try out next year and I'm seriously considering it. Hell, I'm big AND I'm cute..what's the harm?? Of course some of those broads were REALLY big, I was a little intimidated. The girl that won had a real big butt. Of course, If I could have a flat stomach and no back fat, I'd GLADLY take a big ole ass!
Treasure Hunters is my show. Go Brown Family!! Too bad ya lost..again, dammit
I swear, if I see a certain girl in a dark alley, me and her are going to go: NINE FUCKING ROUNDS!!!
They had to dig up a clue at night so of course, her poor dad had to do it. He asked her to hold the flashlight steady and she breaks into another tirade...." I HATE THIS JOB, I DON'T WANNA HOLD A FLASHLIGHT!!!" [Insert whining and stomping like a 2 year old here]
She is sooo juvenile. Has anyone seen an ACTUAL TEAR on her silly face???
I guessed the clue via text message for the last two weeks, got it right last week but wasn't picked, got it wrong this week..dammit!! Spent $3 flippin dollars for nothing. Well, I've spent more on less.
WEIRDNESS UPDATE 2012..one of the people on this show emailed me and asked that I remove what I said about her here..hmmm..THIS MANY YEARS later!!! I removed her actual name but I stand by what I said.
Treasure Hunters is my show. Go Brown Family!! Too bad ya lost..again, dammit
I swear, if I see a certain girl in a dark alley, me and her are going to go: NINE FUCKING ROUNDS!!!
They had to dig up a clue at night so of course, her poor dad had to do it. He asked her to hold the flashlight steady and she breaks into another tirade...." I HATE THIS JOB, I DON'T WANNA HOLD A FLASHLIGHT!!!" [Insert whining and stomping like a 2 year old here]
She is sooo juvenile. Has anyone seen an ACTUAL TEAR on her silly face???
I guessed the clue via text message for the last two weeks, got it right last week but wasn't picked, got it wrong this week..dammit!! Spent $3 flippin dollars for nothing. Well, I've spent more on less.
WEIRDNESS UPDATE 2012..one of the people on this show emailed me and asked that I remove what I said about her here..hmmm..THIS MANY YEARS later!!! I removed her actual name but I stand by what I said.
I'm Not the Drunkard I once was
No Sleep Till...
Me and the other half went to a rehearsal dinner after party at his friend's house on Friday. Lots of liquor and some pretty good food. Stayed there until 2am went home and ate Waffle House take-out and fell into comas.
We attempted to be productive citizens on Saturday but it didn't quite work out..Sleeping is fun.
On Saturday, we went to another party (because we think we're teenagers). More liquor and MORE good food. Another 2am arrival. Good thing it was in our neighborhood.
All Sunday..didn't do a damn thing
We're lazy and old
Me and the other half went to a rehearsal dinner after party at his friend's house on Friday. Lots of liquor and some pretty good food. Stayed there until 2am went home and ate Waffle House take-out and fell into comas.
We attempted to be productive citizens on Saturday but it didn't quite work out..Sleeping is fun.
On Saturday, we went to another party (because we think we're teenagers). More liquor and MORE good food. Another 2am arrival. Good thing it was in our neighborhood.
All Sunday..didn't do a damn thing
We're lazy and old
Thursday, July 13, 2006
You're Fat, Face it
Why do people REFUSE to believe that they have gotten fat. I have a co-worker who is still rockin' outfits from the 80's and early 90's and no, it does not look cool. She looks like an overstuffed kielbasa in those "slacks" which is code for: Ugly ass, outdated, fabric so thin it looks like cheesecloth - pants. And if that's not enough, she tucks her shirts in!!! **Gasp!!** She looks like a muffin top or better yet, a busted can of biscuits.
I guess they think that if they don't have to buy new clothes, everthing must be OK.
Come on pregnant ladies, you can get some of my wrath too.
I once worked with a dizzy broad that REFUSED to buy maternity clothes, she waddled her big butt around in this denim dress AT LEAST 3 times a week. I looked at her one day and the buttons were actually POPPING OFF the front!! Seriously, how much could a decent Wal-Mart dress cost??
I, as a fattish person have realized that back-fat is not cute. I have promised not to wear:
1.Halter Tops
2.Spaghetti Straps with big thick ass big-girl bra straps
3.T-Shirts or tops from the Misses Section ( I know it says XXL but it really doesn't mean 2X Plus)
4.Strapless dresses without a sweater or jacket
5.Anything that SHOWCASES a belly-bulge. (Do you really think people don't notice those lumps??)
6.The new-style Short/Cap sleeve tops that strangle my fat and SHOWCASE the stretch marks.
7.Those strappy sandals that wrap around the leg..those are not for people with "meat" on their calves.
8.Shorts...Of ANY KIND. Have ya seen that "V" that gets started up the ass and crotch trail when ya walk..not cute
If you can't afford Lane Bryant or The Avenue, There's a place called DOTS that has real cheap, really stylish trendy clothes for Big Girls..check it out dammit.
Oh!! and Men, those khakis and golf shirts don't fit any more..believe me, fatty.
I guess they think that if they don't have to buy new clothes, everthing must be OK.
Come on pregnant ladies, you can get some of my wrath too.
I once worked with a dizzy broad that REFUSED to buy maternity clothes, she waddled her big butt around in this denim dress AT LEAST 3 times a week. I looked at her one day and the buttons were actually POPPING OFF the front!! Seriously, how much could a decent Wal-Mart dress cost??
I, as a fattish person have realized that back-fat is not cute. I have promised not to wear:
1.Halter Tops
2.Spaghetti Straps with big thick ass big-girl bra straps
3.T-Shirts or tops from the Misses Section ( I know it says XXL but it really doesn't mean 2X Plus)
4.Strapless dresses without a sweater or jacket
5.Anything that SHOWCASES a belly-bulge. (Do you really think people don't notice those lumps??)
6.The new-style Short/Cap sleeve tops that strangle my fat and SHOWCASE the stretch marks.
7.Those strappy sandals that wrap around the leg..those are not for people with "meat" on their calves.
8.Shorts...Of ANY KIND. Have ya seen that "V" that gets started up the ass and crotch trail when ya walk..not cute
If you can't afford Lane Bryant or The Avenue, There's a place called DOTS that has real cheap, really stylish trendy clothes for Big Girls..check it out dammit.
Oh!! and Men, those khakis and golf shirts don't fit any more..believe me, fatty.
Insomnia is NOT your friend, neither is dairy..as usual
Stayed up until 2am again...for some reason I felt the need to watch "Project Runway" and "Plastic Surgery: Before and After" all night.
Played the designated secretary for the other half. He directed me (notice I didn't say asked) to type up his business plan for school. Had to work from his chicken scratch notes and had to keep asking him "WHAT THE HELL is this" all night.
He watched TV and read magazines the whole damn time!! He better be glad I love him.
I attempted to enjoy a piece of leftover cheesecake from work but he kept asking me for a bite..back off dude!!
Later, my stomach did not enjoy all that richness..I have Lactaid but I guess I'm just to lazy to take it.
Played the designated secretary for the other half. He directed me (notice I didn't say asked) to type up his business plan for school. Had to work from his chicken scratch notes and had to keep asking him "WHAT THE HELL is this" all night.
He watched TV and read magazines the whole damn time!! He better be glad I love him.
I attempted to enjoy a piece of leftover cheesecake from work but he kept asking me for a bite..back off dude!!
Later, my stomach did not enjoy all that richness..I have Lactaid but I guess I'm just to lazy to take it.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Rude Noises...We're made for each other
Me and the other half have been together for about 7 years. He knows the exact amount of time, but I can't be bothered with those types of details..it seems like 20 years if ya ask me..but you didn't
Anyway, in our house we're pretty open about bodily functions and it's pretty funny to us. We sometimes have competitions..hahahaha
Well, the other day me and my pod mates were discussing this and that and somehow the subject of farting came up. I shared a funny story and basically heard crickets afterwards..."what??" I said. My co-worker says "Farting is NOT funny" and then another co-worker said basically in all 15 years of her marriage, she has NEVER farted/belched etc in front of her husband.. another person I talked to said she's pretty sure that her husband has never witnessed her in/on or around the toilet.
WTF???
In my opinion that's not being "real" with each other.
In the LINKA72/OTHER HALF Household, FARTING IS FUNNY
Anyway, in our house we're pretty open about bodily functions and it's pretty funny to us. We sometimes have competitions..hahahaha
Well, the other day me and my pod mates were discussing this and that and somehow the subject of farting came up. I shared a funny story and basically heard crickets afterwards..."what??" I said. My co-worker says "Farting is NOT funny" and then another co-worker said basically in all 15 years of her marriage, she has NEVER farted/belched etc in front of her husband.. another person I talked to said she's pretty sure that her husband has never witnessed her in/on or around the toilet.
WTF???
In my opinion that's not being "real" with each other.
In the LINKA72/OTHER HALF Household, FARTING IS FUNNY
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Sugar Fest, How to maim and/or kill your boyfriend for the insurance money
Ok so I'm still awake..The other half just got back from school and claims that I'm trying to kill him for the insurance money.
He opened an upper cabinet to get the peanut butter and a can or corn fell out "nearly killing him" as he described. I'm sure it was nowhere near that perilous.
Drama attracts Drama..we're made for each other.
He's going to be sick...mark my words.
I watched him make a peanut butter AND syrup sandwich on white bread..ewww Then to top it off.. he decided to get the last Honey Bun (eww he can have it, see my earlier post titled: How Much??!!??)
I jokingly said: Why don't ya just put the Honey Bun IN your sandwich??
HE ACTUALLY DID IT!! He washed it all down with a glass of FULL FAT, VITAMIN D milk..
I'll place the customary bucket by the bed tonight.
He opened an upper cabinet to get the peanut butter and a can or corn fell out "nearly killing him" as he described. I'm sure it was nowhere near that perilous.
Drama attracts Drama..we're made for each other.
He's going to be sick...mark my words.
I watched him make a peanut butter AND syrup sandwich on white bread..ewww Then to top it off.. he decided to get the last Honey Bun (eww he can have it, see my earlier post titled: How Much??!!??)
I jokingly said: Why don't ya just put the Honey Bun IN your sandwich??
HE ACTUALLY DID IT!! He washed it all down with a glass of FULL FAT, VITAMIN D milk..
I'll place the customary bucket by the bed tonight.
Blogging Protocol, TV, other crap
So is it Ok to post more than one time a day?
I have a lot of worthless shit to say throughout the day and I can't remember to put it all in on one post.
Anywhoooo..
I've become addicted to this damn Blogger.com.
MySpace used to be my "Lova" but I left him last month, he was a whore.
I've added some new links ova dere ----> I've been blog surfing all day at work. Do you think I actually work at work?? I know some people who sit there between calls and actually study "work related" paperwork and resources...WTF??
The guy with cerebal palsy on Last Comic Standing is one of the funniest mf-ers I've seen lately.
Dilana is so damn cool..except for her Elvira/Johnny Cash impersonation tonight. The band liked it..I sure didn't. When she did Nirvana, I 'bout pissed myself..that was good.
Seems like she was "formerly a man"
How can I watch Rockstar Supernova AND Last Comic Standing AND $40 a Day all at the same time???!!??
So much TV, so little time
I have a lot of worthless shit to say throughout the day and I can't remember to put it all in on one post.
Anywhoooo..
I've become addicted to this damn Blogger.com.
MySpace used to be my "Lova" but I left him last month, he was a whore.
I've added some new links ova dere ----> I've been blog surfing all day at work. Do you think I actually work at work?? I know some people who sit there between calls and actually study "work related" paperwork and resources...WTF??
The guy with cerebal palsy on Last Comic Standing is one of the funniest mf-ers I've seen lately.
Dilana is so damn cool..except for her Elvira/Johnny Cash impersonation tonight. The band liked it..I sure didn't. When she did Nirvana, I 'bout pissed myself..that was good.
Seems like she was "formerly a man"
How can I watch Rockstar Supernova AND Last Comic Standing AND $40 a Day all at the same time???!!??
So much TV, so little time
How Much??!!??
$700 to fix the Air Compressor in my car...huh?
Car Guy: Well that's how much it'll be if we supply the part. If we use the compressor you brought in, we'll only charge $396
Me: ONLY??
So that was in April, I have since spent that money on other pressing crap like the light bill and such..Next time I'm going to marry for money I tell ya.
Something really bad happened in Belly's family last week so I feel bad talking about him right now.
On to other things...
I just ate one of those Little Debbie Honey Buns..eww What is that mineral/dirt aftertaste?? And it seemed a little slimy if ya ask me..but you didn't
Nausea besets me like a pack of Wild Hounds...(got that from an old Goodie Mob CD)
Car Guy: Well that's how much it'll be if we supply the part. If we use the compressor you brought in, we'll only charge $396
Me: ONLY??
So that was in April, I have since spent that money on other pressing crap like the light bill and such..Next time I'm going to marry for money I tell ya.
Something really bad happened in Belly's family last week so I feel bad talking about him right now.
On to other things...
I just ate one of those Little Debbie Honey Buns..eww What is that mineral/dirt aftertaste?? And it seemed a little slimy if ya ask me..but you didn't
Nausea besets me like a pack of Wild Hounds...(got that from an old Goodie Mob CD)
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