Saturday, January 12, 2008

Things To Watch At 6:30 am...On A Saturday

So I woke up from having a nightmare about someone stealing my beloved (albeit currently broken down in the parking lot) car....

I tried to go back to sleep but being the insomniac that I am, decided to watch TV. I found an HBO Documentary called Shelter Dogs.

Ok, I've never thought of myself as one of "those dog people" that would rather feed their dog than feed their kids but OH. MY. GOD. I found myself openly sobbing over this black cocker spaniel named Beau. Poor Beau had been passed from home to home because he attacked another dog. The old guy that left him there seemed to be sick of his ass but said that he was "good with kids"..yeah right..So the shelter's director Sue Sternberg knew right away that he was not placeable but did a temperament test on him anyway by trying to look at his teeth..Beau was not havin' it and gave her the stare down/growl thing.
The other shelter employees thought that he should at least have a chance to redeem himself so they kept for a couple of weeks. The next time they showed him, he was all cute and groomed..too bad he was still vicious though.
Sue videotaped herself using the fake hand thing around his food bowl and Beau completely lost his shit and took chunks out of the "hand"..*Insert more crying from me here*. The next scene showed him in the back of the SUV heading to McDonald's with Sue. Sue believes that if dogs could talk, they'd say that they wanted something meaty and greasy to eat before they died so that's what she does for them.
After eating his mcnuggets, poor Beau was put to sleep by the vet. I swear, I felt like he was mine.

And if that story wasn't horrible enough, there was this dog named Agnes. Agnes was old and her old owner died so she ended up in the shelter..all old and sweet and cute, Agnes held on as long as she could but she had heart disease and they had to put her down, I'll spare you the details but they buried her on the premises and I was a fucking mess.

Oh, but wait!! It just gets sadder....There was a doberman named Fred..Fred is my new boyfriend but he was diagnosed with a spinal disease that would eventually make him paralyzed..go ahead, rip your own heart out over THAT one. The shelter owner debated whether or not she should put him down but the other workers felt he deserved a chance too. 3 months in a neck brace and Fred seems fine..clumsy as all hell but still fine. He was even placed with a family after all that..I'm going to steal Fred...

After all that crying, I switched to Taxicab about hilarious..Between the Transsexual hooker who since removing his testicles has the worst PMS and crying jags and the "newly" gay guy who only screws guys now because he feels that "Women should be placed on a pedestal"..(huh?), I wasn't sure what was funnier. But my favorite statement was from a woman who after finding out that she was on the show, tried to give the female driver some money. The driver tried to refuse it and the passenger said: No, take this for WOMEN!! And don't let anybody fuck with you..Just hit 'em with your heel..

That's going to be my motto for the rest of the year.

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