Monday, January 29, 2007

Water Aerobics Kicks Ass..Mine

My motto up until now has been: (Thanks J Timberlake)

I'm Bringing Chunky Back...Those Skinny Bitches Don't Know How To Act

But, I finally decided to get off my ass and go to the gym on Saturday.

I woke up all early and excited like a dork...the water aerobics class started at 9:00 am and I wanted to be "ready"...I guess.

When I got there the locker smelled of fresh butt crack and mildew..how exciting.
I really didn't want to touch anything but I HAD to in order to change into my skirtini..eww. EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING was rusty and/or decaying/crumbling..I think I need a tetanus shot.

There was a broad staring at me while I was contemplating changing in front of the lockers so I took all my stuff into a bathroom stall and changed - I heard her outside the bathroom area and she was saying: "Hey, Hey you" (reminds me of Belly). I was thinking to myself: "I KNOW this bitch is NOT talking to ME!!"
...now don't get me wrong, I love gay people but she was just a little too aggressive for my tastes..

Anywhoo, after I escaped the bathroom stall, I got in the pool...mmm warm...There were a few elderly ladies swimming around then some big girls got in. I was sitting there all cocky and shit thinking: "I can't outdo ALL these broads..yeah..uh huh..look at me..I'm The Shit"

Yes, you guessed it...THEY KICKED MY ASS!!!

There was a lady that had to be at least 117 years old...she was "doin' tha damn thang" (I would link to a definition of this phrase but my fuck-ass workplace blocked The Urban Dictionary..bastards)

Everything was all cool and leisurely until the instructor told us to RUN LAPS down the length of the pool...huh??..wha??? Now that shit was surprisingly difficult..I tried to stop at 2 laps and blend into the crowd but the instructor looked DIRECTLY at me and said (all nice and shit with a smile) TWO MORE LAPS!!
I grumbled and thought: "Damn it!!!"

The class went on for an hour..that's a long damn time to be in the pool but I had a good time and I plan on going again this week. When we had to do some exercises near the pool deck, I noticed that the pool could use a little cleaning but I was praying that all that chlorine was helping....somehow.

When I got back to the dressing room, "oggling dyke lady" was there..I ignored her and ran to the shelter of the bathroom stall..Have you ever tried to change out of a tight,wet bathing suit in a cramped stall, all the while trying not to touch a damn thing INCLUDING the nasty floor?? Believe me, It's not cute.

I guess it was "strange people in the locker room day" because I noticed a lady standing near the steam room, staring at the floor..she was like that for quite a while. I noticed her earlier, staring at a different spot on the floor..weirdo..Then she was out by the pool, staring at some more floor. Then she was staring at her weirdo boyfriend who was in the pool for some reason and TALKING REAL DAMN LOUD during our class. It seemed like she only went to the gym with him to humor him..WTF??

In my pursuit of healthyness, I ate something that morning that had my stomach bubblin' so I wasn't able to get on the treadmill afterwards..great excuse huh?

Maybe I'll try a different branch of Bally's..hopefully they're not ALL as nasty as the one I went to...hopefully.

1 comment:

Orhan Kahn said...

What an odd site for your workplace to block. Good to hear you're going to the gym, ashame its a rusted, half broken one.