Thursday, January 25, 2007

If I Was An American Idol Judge....

I FINALLY got The Other Half to watch American Idol with me last night. For years he has downright REFUSED to watch "that stupid shit" with me but last night..I guess it was all the crack he smoked..he watched it. The jackass had the nerve to enjoy it, whaddya gonna do?

Anyway, we came up with a few "If We Were Judges And The Audition Was Bad" rules:

1. IMMEDIATE gut-busting laughter - too bad if your feelings get hurt

2. EXTREMELY harsh criticism - again, screw you and your feelings, I might even talk about yo momma

3. Batteries, D size - heading for your temple as soon as you hit "your Mariah Carey-like high note". Oh the mental picture of people getting pelted with batteries..har har har (when did I morph into a pirate??)

4. Pimp Slaps - Swift and of course, hard.

I can already hear the cries of "Oh, you're too mean".."You shouldn't make fun of people"...

blah fuckin' blah..stop being babies


Orhan Kahn said...

I hate the show so much that I accidently started the sentence with the word 'shit'. Seriously though, the American version is the only tolerable disasterous synergy of reality and game shows.

You can't manufacture a miracle ;)

The Freelance Cynic said...

Don't forget whacking them several times with Simon Cowell.

Damn that would be good