Belly has gotten so incredibly fat that he was approved for an ergonomically "special" office chair.
Yes, a special, really expensive chair....for a fat ass...did you ever think it could be possible to have a 60 inch WAIST measurement with a 22 inch HIP measurement??..Well, meet Belly. You've got to look at him from the rear..it's fucking amazing.
Strangely, I'm jealous of his fabulous new chair..I'm going to request one too..just for shiggles..what?? I'm technically fat too...just not as fat as him... by any stretch.
So today while us Saturday workers were goofing off, I had the sudden urge to sit in the famous chair....as just as I was commenting on how comfy it was, my co-worker who'll we'll call Shut Your Damn Mouth, You Evil Bastard says: "You know... that's pretty much like you're sitting in his lap."
Then as I was lurching/falling forward he adds: "Oh well, now that's like he's hitting you from the back"
*slightly moist heave followed by small amount of vomit in back of throat*
Note to self:
1. Have really cute, cuffed denim capris burned in vat of acid
2. Splash aforementioned acid on back of thighs
3. Schedule skin transplant
Hey, maybe if my thighs are burned, I could get one of those cool cushy chairs like Belly's....hmmm
I bet he'll need one of these soon...look at all the legs...so spidery
Oohh, this one is pretty