Saturday, November 03, 2007

Ewww..May I Vomit?

Belly has gotten so incredibly fat that he was approved for an ergonomically "special" office chair.

Yes, a special, really expensive chair....for a fat ass...did you ever think it could be possible to have a 60 inch WAIST measurement with a 22 inch HIP measurement??..Well, meet Belly. You've got to look at him from the rear..it's fucking amazing.

Strangely, I'm jealous of his fabulous new chair..I'm going to request one too..just for shiggles..what?? I'm technically fat too...just not as fat as him... by any stretch.

So today while us Saturday workers were goofing off, I had the sudden urge to sit in the famous chair....as just as I was commenting on how comfy it was, my co-worker who'll we'll call Shut Your Damn Mouth, You Evil Bastard says: "You know... that's pretty much like you're sitting in his lap."

*dry heave*

Then as I was lurching/falling forward he adds: "Oh well, now that's like he's hitting you from the back"

*slightly moist heave followed by small amount of vomit in back of throat*

Note to self:
1. Have really cute, cuffed denim capris burned in vat of acid
2. Splash aforementioned acid on back of thighs
3. Schedule skin transplant

Hey, maybe if my thighs are burned, I could get one of those cool cushy chairs like Belly's....hmmm

I bet he'll need one of these soon...look at all the legs...so spidery
Oohh, this one is pretty

3 comments:

RehabNurse said...

Linka:

If Belly comes to the hospital, like mine, he'd get a bariatric bed if he's over 300 lbs. (our regular beds top out at 300.)

We like to call it the "big boy" (or girl) bed. Some patients actually don't like it because they feel discriminated against in it. It is more comfortable for them (and us) with the bigger bed.

It's really scary to think you need an office chair with a 600 to 700 pound capacity. Poor people! (and poor floor!)

DeeJay said...

Geeze louise! That is a spidery looking thing.

Great entry...again.

DIXIECHICK said...

LOL..YOUR BELLY STORIES ARE HILARIOUS...I HAVE A CO-WORKER SIMILAR IN MY OFFICE...THANKS FOR SHARING.
DIXIE