Thursday, June 05, 2008

And Then I Ran Down The Hall Screaming...

I was talking to my freakin' hilarious co-worker - Let's call him Hee Haw Woo Hoo - when who bounds around the corner???...yes, it was fat ass Belly!!!..carrying a vegetable plate from the cafeteria..[insert giggles here]

I was trying to tell a story of how one of the temps we call "Connie" (because she cons everybody out of money) that I barely even know, molestered me the other day (yes, I said molestered like Cartman on South Park)..mmm hmm, I was chillin',with my feet propped up under my desk..mindin' my own fuckin' business.. when all of the sudden, I feel a hand massaging my shoulder..reeeally slooowly.
So I turn to look and it's Connie's weird ass, asking me if I had eaten too much at the potluck earlier.


I let her know that I was just relaxing and she goes " seemed a little quiet so I thought I'd come see about you". Then she stood there some more..thank god my phone rang and she kinda just floated away...yeckkk.

I should have punched that bitch in the stomach..but I'm lazy.

So anyway, I'm trying to explain this scene to Hee Haw Woo Hoo when Belly interrupts and says: "Was it like this..?" then HE RUBBED MY ARM, all slow and shit...on my exposed, chocolaty caramel flesh....fucking christ jesus lord, I nearly shit my pants with disgust.

In an awkward moment while Hee Haw Woo Hoo was staring at me in disbelief, I just said "no..ummm, it was a little more inappropriate like kinda up by my shoulder...and stuff..umm, err."
Then I tried to laugh it off and continue the story..he finally went away and Hee Haw Woo Hoo just laughed and laughed (remind me to kill Hee Haw Woo Hoo later).

I guess I also should have punched Belly in the stomach..but we all know that I can't walk around here with a broken arm...casts are soooo 2002.


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

EW!! I don't like to be touched by people I don't know or like. 'Specially not on my bare skin.

So anyway, you got two awkward and uncomfortable moments for the price of one.

Riotgrrl said...

Ugh! That makes me want to wear sticky bug repellant to work to prevent it from happening to me! Blech! Ptooey! Gag!

There's this odd-looking lesbian who rides my bus everyday and she keeps trying to get my attention. Normally I think lesbians are pretty damn cool, but this lady is so awkward it makes me cringe. She's got these highlights in her hair, but her hair is real short so the effect is more like a brindle pit bull. And she's got this creepy little Michael Jackson nose, but she was born with it: just these two cavernous nostrils with a little pointy cartilage poking out from between them.

The other day I got off the bus listening to my ear phones and I didn't notice my card failed so she tore after me pell mell and stuck both her hands in my face to get my attention to tell me about it (ever hear of a polite tap, butchy?), but by that time the bus had already pulled away from the stop and I was wondering what point she was trying to make.

Then the next day she wanted to know all about my earphones that magically shielded me from the noise of the fare card beeper. Today I wasn't in the mood for any variety of bullshit and had on my most fearsome bus stop face, and she kept trying to hover near me and place herself directly in my line of sight. I swear if she touches me I'm going to break her glasses.