Gone In 60 Seconds..Or Less

*sigh*..where do I fucking begin???

TOH called me last night from the gas station to calmly report that "somebody just stole the car"
como se whatthefuck??

I went immediately into full freak-out mode, because after all, it's what I do best.

He then went on to tell me that he was talking to the cops right then and Oh yeah, that he left the keys in it while he went into the store "real quick, like 30 seconds"....

I'll wait here quietly while you curse him and call him names (like I did)....

Did I also mention that the car was running?? He should have put a sign on it that said: "Hey criminal guy, come here and steal me..oh, and I've included a pretty leather wallet with lots of identity theft-worthy items too!!"

In the itty bitty town where TOH is from, you could literally leave your car door open and no one would steal it...even if they did, you probably know EVERYbody in their family so recovering it would be a breeze.

But now, we live in a really big city with really bad crime and you just can't do shit like that around here.

I sort of feel bad for him though..a little. He looked so dejected when I went to pick him up..I REALLY wanted to kick his ass but most of me just wanted to hug him....then there was that other "mean bitch" part that wanted to make him walk home after I chastised him for always hanging with his damn friends all over east Egypt...but he's just so cute...and so naive sometimes...ultimately I'm glad he's ok and that no one cracked him over the head to get the car from him...Talk about mixed feelings...

On the way there, I was on the phone with the insurance company lady who insisted that I give her the address of the Quiktrip where it was stolen...how the fuck would I know that??? Jees..she would NOT leave it alone. I was driving like a damn maniac tryin' to get to ma baaaby and this cow is looking for maps and phone books!!

The police officer that made the report was SO stereotypical and cocky, I almost laughed out loud at him. If his shirt would have been any tighter, I promise his nipples would have ripped right through the fabric...yeck.

He told us that he would enter it into the system but that we should be aware that our state has 8 investigators monitoring 4000 stolen vehicles at this time...yayy, great.

I got a call from an adjuster who asked a whole bunch of questions that basically accused us of stealing our own car such as:

Were you late on your car payment?

How much do you owe on it?

Had you just had any repairs done?

Have you ever put it up for sale?

uh, no, nunya, no and....NO. She seemed nice enough though and said that it could take up to a month to finish the process out (oh happiness??). I suppose they hope that they can recover the vehicle and not have to pay out as much.

We could get a rental direct billed after we return their paperwork (NOTARIZED) next week but we would need to shell out the $250 deposit if we want one today..more happiness.

Since they have his wallet with our new address and all our house keys, I'm changing the locks today..(yay tool time!). You should seen how cute he was last night checking out the house holding my hunting knife from my car's center console when we got home....what? So I'm the only one with a deer gutter/skinner in my car?? Oh. My Bad.

Just when I thought I was a little less mad today than yesterday, I remembered the rare, $110 sneakers I bought him which were in the trunk for some strange "man reason"...daaamn it!!

Those are definitely not replaceable...not in his size at least, I checked.


Wanna know what's funny?


His "no matter what", favorite movie of all time is....


Gone In 60 Seconds...irony buuurns doesn't it?