Friday, August 03, 2007

It's Gettin Hot In Herrrrrre

Okay, that was a lame ass title..but I couldn't think of anything else but:

Hot time, summer in the city, back of my neck gettin dirty and gritty

And that was even MORE lame ass.

Anyway, for the past forever and two weeks, the air conditioner in my apartment hasn't been working properly. I'm not shitting you, It is 90 FUCKING DEGREES in my apartment.

My slum lord - I mean property manager - promised on TUESDAY that she would personally "go down there with the maintenance guy" and fix the damn thing..yeah, right. Every night, I had been calling the so-called "On call maintenance" but they never called me back..fuckers.

You know it's bad when TOH gets mad at someting...he NEVER gets mad at anything...It reallllly pisses me off.
Anywhoo, he called me at work on Tuesday evening and here's how THAT loving conversation went:

Me: Hello, this in Linka
TOH: Why is it so FUCKING HOT IN HERE!!!!!???!!!
Me: Hello?
TOH: You gotta call those fucking people, right now!!
Me: It's nice to hear your voice too, sugar cakes
TOH: Oh, uh..hi..It's really hot..didn't she say it would be fixed today???

I know what you're thinking.."Why doesn't HE just 'call the fucking people'"?

Well, they don't know he lives there....they want to run a credit check and demand an additional deposit for any additional tenats..fuck that.

We tried to wait them out but later that night, TOH was bored and decided to try to "see if he could fix it himself"...bad idea, especially for someone who doesn't even know where we keep the toolbox.
He was standing there in the hallway turning the switch off and I told him NOT to..when all of a sudden..THE MOTOR EXPLODED!!! I screamed at him..WHAT DID YOU DO???? answer....more of me yelling from the living answer...finally after I screamed it one more time, he actually screamed back at me: "I didn't do ANYTHING!!"..ok dude, sure you didn't...the explosion was immediately followed by smoke and then some nasty fumes..great, not only is it 6 thousand degrees in it stinks too, how sexy and romantic.

So after spending yet another night in "The Sweatbox", I took two hours off of work, walked into the leasing office and...completely embarassed myself.

I believe I managed to get out two words before bursting into a crying fit of the highest order..."Air conditioner" was all that came out...The manager and her assistant were kind of staring at me like I was a crackhead but they managed to console me.
I can't believe I was actually crying like that..I guess it was the pressure of living in a glorified slum for the past few years that finally got to me...and on top of all was nice and frosty cold in the leasing office..mother.fucker.

The manager gave me her personal cell phone number and promised that it would be fixed before I got home from work....uh, ok

TOH called me at work (again) later that evening and declared that he was "fucking leaving" and that even though they replaced the motor, they had not refilled the freon (which has been leaking for months according to maintenance) and it was STILL hot. He went to play pool and after work, I hung out in Kohl's for an hour and a half..mmm, really cold air conditioning and overpriced bras..yaaayy.

I, again, called the on call maintenance assholes call back...I then used my "call a friend-lifeline" to call the property manager...had to leave a fucking voicemail...I'm pissed.

She finally calls back at around 10:00 pm and says that in order to get the maintenance guy to come out, she had to tell him that I was asthmatic...uh, I'm not though...I'm diabetic instead...I guess my real medical condition wasn't good enough for them.

He got there around 10:30 pm with his little flashlight...I gave him the full rundown and he just kind of nodded but said nothing...He went outside to the ground unit and did something for about 15 minutes then came back upstairs, said something about fixing the pressure and that it should be cool soon.

Woo damn Hoo!!

I closed all the windows, turned off all the fans and promptly fell into a deep exhausted coma.

TOH comes in sometime later and declares: "It's HOT in here!!" blah, blah, blahdy, blah..He talked me almost to death.
I told him to shut up and go to sleep..because it wasn't hot..really.
Then, the next morning he has the NERVE to say: "Damn, it's cold in here, turn the thermostat up!!"

I swear, I love him, but I could kill his ass sometimes.


Jessie said...

The EXACT thing happened to me a few weeks ago. What you need to do is refuse to pay rent for the days that your AC was broken because it is the duty of the landlord to provide a safe environment for the tenant. What you actually need to do is look up your state laws, because it will tell you exactly what to do.

In our situation, we called on a Friday and they ignored us until Monday. We ended up getting 2 days knocked off of our rent, which is almost 50 bucks. You need to make sure to take pictures of that thermostat. 100 is considered an emergency, but try with the 90's.

And most importantly, drink your water. I know its hot, and if there is anywhere else you can go, then go there. Good luck.

AtYourCervix said...

My other half keeps the AC running - with a fan in front of it - to keep our house feeling like we're living at the arctic circle.

I've got frostbite on my extremities, yet he says he's still too hot.

hmph! men!

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Riotgrrlwargasm said...

Wanna know something funny? I have never had AC. I have lived my whole life taking cold showers and sleeping in front of the fan. Sometimes waking up to spray myself with water. I've mostly had apartments with good air circulation, but this last place was a fucking Dutch oven! NO breeze. I twould get down to 65 at night, and none of it would get inside, even with fans in the windows. SO glad I moved. Still, AC would be nice. Maybe next year...

Riotgrrlwargasm said...

I just saw the comment you left me on my Notorious entry. Thanks! You are THE coolest!

And I have to say, ever since last summer I've been waiting to use your line on someone, "Ain't I fine?" Of course I'm doomed then to suffer some clumsy humiliation!