Saturday, August 11, 2007

Rude Shit

Because I'm a mean cow, I'd like to rattle off a list of things I think are rude.

1. Speakerphone
This speakerphone is fucking rude - period. I get calls from end users all the time on that stupid thing..trying to "look" important. To be hateful, I usually talk really low and quiet..almost a whisper until they are forced to pick up the phone....then I talk in a normal voice....hahahaha being mean is fun.
Also, speakerphone is 15 times as rude on your stupid little Razr/I Phone/Crackberry phone..nobody wants to know what club you and your methed out friends are going to tonight..believe me, you do NOT look cool.

2. Sucking Your Teeth and Being A Pushy Dyke
Don't get me wrong, I love the gays....
I was at the gym the other day..minding my own fucking business...the tallest, burliest, biggest,butchest broad in the gym decides that instead of using one of the other 10,000 machines, she would like to jump on the one RIGHT next to me and start her "workout". I could tell that she was looking at me, so I refused to look over at her. She smelled weird too...I know we're in a gym and all but yeck!!! Why do I always attract "this type"..poor me.
Anywayyyyy, after about 5 minutes, she starts sucking her teeth. At first I thought she was making kissing noises and I almost gagged but then I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw her lip all jacked up in the air and her nasty tongue licking her teeth...must have been that fried Wildebeest she had for lunch. Needless to say, my workout was over.
At this very same gym, I had a dyke trying to get at me over the stall wall..I could hear her at the bathroom entrance, she kept saying: "Hey, Hey...Hey" (much like Belly does and you know how I hate that shit). I waited her ass out though..trapped in a nasty Bally Total Fitness toilet....please help me

3. Bathroom Stall Closeness
Ok, maybe it's just me but I like a little "buffer" between me and you in the ladies room. Why is it that every time I go in the bathroom at work, I'm made uncomfortable by some broad who sits RIGHT next to me..her foot practically touching mine...look lady, there are 42 other stalls in here..are ya lonely???

4. The Left Turn Signal
Ok this doesn't really fall under the "rude" category, but it's something that I think is just plain fucking stupid. Why are people so damn nervous about turning left...it's your light jackass GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I always get stuck behind Nervous Nelly who finds it necessary to brake when turning left...are you afraid you might flip it over at 2 mph??

alright..I'm tired of bitching..we now return you to your regularly scheduled life.

Go away..

Kick Rocks!!!..

Ok at least clean up my room if you're going to stand there like that...

And bring me a sandwich....

2 comments:

Jessie said...

Nice.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I can't stand the speakerphone either. I do the same thing as you, talk softly until they pick up. Bastardos!