Friday, August 22, 2008

Blocked By A Jackass


Sometimes I really hate working here....

I've been hesitant to blog this week because it seems that I've become a threat to the success of my company BECAUSE I USE THE INTERNET...urrgh...

I work for a really stuffy, uptight company that would rather die than let their employees who work TEN hours a day or more, blow off a little steam by looking at the Internet which may, god forbid, show certain aspects of the outside fat women in bathing suits or used cars.

Last month, my supervisor called me into the conference room to discuss the number of "blocked" websites that I have attempted to access over the past month. From this point on, this person will be called Jackass - to protect the Jackasses involved.

Actually what Jackass did was embarrass the fuck out of me by first calling me on my desk phone saying some shit about "hey, can I come by and talk to you for a sec?" it was gonna be all casual or like the time Jackass bought some cards from me..then Jackass comes over to my desk and stands there..with these papers in their hand and says "can we talk in the conference room? ALL LOUD AND SHIT SO EVERYBODY HEARD HIM.. and I'm all "uh, OK" and then Jackass waited there while I had to log out of my phone and try to pull my shit together while EVERYBODY unprofessional. (now everybody teases me about that shit)

So once we get in there, he pulls out this little report that shows all the web sites that I went to lately that just happened to be blocked.
Once you hit a "certain number" of these, you get an ugly little email from Corporate that says in so many words, "bitch, we see you..pump your brakes".
Then, if you hit a few more, you get another email THEN they contact your supervisor..uh oh.

We discussed the report and even he admitted that the sites looked harmless but that he had to document that he actually talked to me blah blah...sign here...blah blah...we'll talk again next month..blah blah.

*Cut to the "next month":

Jackass pulls the call me, come to my desk, ask me into a conference room and embarrass me routine AGAIN but this time Jackass says that Jackass spoke to "someone" and they felt that this was a really serious situation that warranted documentation be put into my permanent file...Then Jackass shows me this piece of shit letter that stated in part that my actions caused my fellow co-workers to have to work harder due the shift in workload....


Let me get this straight Mr. Supervisor...

1. I never actually got to the sites
2. The sites weren't porn, most were music related and one of them was a GOSPEL music site
3. EVERY MONTH you blow smoke up my ass telling me how proud you are of me because out of over 100 people in the dept, I answer and resolve the most calls which is so special given the fact that I work a 4 day work week that includes a fucking Saturday..blah fuckin' blah.
4. Strangely, EBAY and aren't blocked though.
5. You are part of a group of assholes that is worse than a bunch of high school girls - Management Team, my ass.

This shit will stay in my file for the next three years...which will possibly fuck up any chance for a promotion and my yearly raise won't buy a loaf of bread.
I brought up those concerns and Jackass basically "poo pooed" me and told me that it "shouldn't matter because lots of people have things in their file that don't hinder them"..yeah right.

I swear...

Now I'm forced to send my supervisor an email every time I get one of those "blocked site" screens I suspect so the Jackass team can have a paper trail to fuck me with later.

The shit part is that they block new sites every day, so a site that you've been going to forever could fuck you with no warning.

My next two stops:

Human Resources and the Iphone Store.


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I've worked in both types of places - the kind that block and the kind that let you surf wherever you want and you know what?

People find ways to piddle fart around and waste gallons of time NO MATTER WHAT.

Why wouldn't a company rather that people screw around while seated at their desks?

Riotgrrl said...

What bullshit! Your productivity should be judged by your call stats and not by your down time. What a nightmare!

I get blocked from everything under the sun, but it doesn't generate any reports. If it did I'd be fired in a nanosecond. Unless I'm on google or CNN, if I visit any site more than 4 times it gets blocked, even shit like Best Buy! Cripes!

Corporate life sucks salty balls and when I think about it I gag on my own urp. WHat they continually lose sight of is that it's MORALE that drives productivity, not restricting diversions. Just know, you are not alone for I am with you in spirit!!