Thursday, June 28, 2007

Damn Stinkin' Ikea

Ok so for about 2 weeks, I have been eagerly awaiting my maiden voyage to the new Ikea..well maybe not my maiden voyage...We tried to go there on opening day a few months ago but after:

1 hour in traffic - 2 feet from the store

30 minutes finding a parking a parking deck...2 miles from the store

45 minutes of waiting for a shuttle

A long drawn out explanation by shuttle bus driver that the wait once we got to the store WOULD BE ANOTHER FUCKING HOUR!!!
We decided to go back to the car..pissed and without any cheap Ikea crap...damn it

So Tuesday, I tried a parking space RIGHT UP FRONT (good sign)!!!

I was all organized and shit with my little print outs. All I wanted for my reception was:
(I'm not sure why the pictures are all spaced wierd..damn blogger)

2 of these for $1.49:

4 of these for .99 cents..(I know they look the same but this is smaller):

2 packs of these for $1.29:

3 sets of these (without the candle part) for $1.29:

And 1 damn package of these for $2.99:

Not much to want huh?..well that's what I thought too....I soon realized that NOBODY works there..I had simple questions like: "Where can I find this really small item in this really big store?" and "Does this come in any other size?"

I saw about 4 employees running around the top floor but they were like retail ninjas or something because every time I went to talk to one, they would disappear in a wisp of smoke...shit!!!

So I wandered around the 4 million square foot palace of cheap for 2 hours..finally found everything and stumbled upon the checkout line.....

oh my Jesus...

On a TUESDAY afternoon, there were about a thousand people in 4 open lines!! I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as I imagined another two hours of standing. Then like a ray of sunshine a line to my left starting moving fast AND NOBODY BUT ME NOTICED!!
It's the small things isn't it?
So I get to the checkout and the surly broad checkout girl kind of yelled at me when I asked for a box for my glassware (there were fucking signs EVERYWHERE stating that they had them at the checkout) she looked over at me while I was scrambling to seperate my shit from the next person's shit and said: "Boxes?? We don't have no stinkin' boxes, there's paper RIGHT THERE!!" then she did that "For shit's sake" type exhale...I should have punched her ass but I was too busy wrapping my own vases...Oh and did I tell you that they charge you .05 cents for those grocery type bags????
What kind of hippie "green earth" shit is that?? I ended up paying the mean broad .59 cents for one of those huge, obnoxious blue-tarp-tote-bag things...
I passed one of the 57 cafe areas on the way out but I was too pissed to think about a .50 cent hot dog...(that is a pretty good deal now that I think about it)
But I won't let it beat me...I VOW TO VISIT IKEA AGAIN!!! (I am such a cheese-ass)


Not So Anonymous Michelle said...

At least you're a cheese-ass that rocks, I had to nominate you for a bloggin' award because you crack me up! Today's post was hilarious! I hate surly cashiers, traffic and busy stores where the clerks seem nonexistent!

Riotgrrlwargasm said...

I luuuuuuuuvvvv Ikea. I like to go there when I'm broke and buy a bunch of little garbage like spatulas and measuring cups and potholders and cork pot pads and plastic colanders and I NEVER REMEMBER TO GO THERE WHEN I CAN AFFORD STUFF I REALLY WANT like wall decor and shelving and bedding and whicker do-dads and lamps and rugs and shower curtaind and CLOSET ORGANIZERS AAAAGGGHHHHRRRRGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IKEA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mauigirl said...

Hi, just started exploring this blogroll and really like your blog! I totally know what you mean about Ikea. We have one about a half hour from us but even though they have stuff we really want, the idea of actually going there is too daunting. We only go there when we want something Really Big like leather couches (great buys there). But of course we end up buying all the little crap too. They don't have service people because their whole schtick is to lead you endlessly around their entire store so you are tempted by every single thing and somewhere in the process you eventually come across the thing you're looking for - or not - and in the meantime pile up your cart with various strange things with odd-sounding Swedish names. (Is it really Swedish or just made-up? I always wonder...)

Jimmy said...

I used to run a business where I shopped at IKEA for other people's stuff twice a week. I would go and spend up to $10,000 a time, piling up stuff on a dozen or more trollies. I would end up helping other customers out with lifting heavy stuff or telling them how to find stuff in the warehouse.

It was actually pretty good fun and I got really fit too.