Today Belly brought in an Arby's Cherry Turnover...I USED to like those things...until today.
Our neighboring cube mates were sitting around shootin' the shit and Belly bounds down the row breathing heavy from the entrance stairway (as usual). It's amazing he hasn't had a heart attack.
He plops down in his chair all hard and shit..that poor chair...and inserts himself into the conversation (again, as usual). Instead of turning his fat ass towards his desk to eat, he turns towards the crowd, puts a trash can between his legs and commences to eat said turnover..yeck..I guess the trash can was supposed to catch the "flaky pastry crumbs" (his words) but as you know, his FAT FUCKING GUT served as the crumb tray....so sad..I promise, his stomach was 2 inches from the top of the can..It was all I could do to not piss myself....then one of our co-workers (who for some reason, takes diet advice from Belly) made the mistake of saying: "A turnover?? What's up with that?? Is that on your diet??"
Belly then answered: " Aw man, I'm stress eating right now, but I'm gonna stop sometime around next week" then he gave his usual sap-ass, sheepish shrug.
I had to actually leave the area, go into the ladies room and laugh for 10 minutes.
As it turns out, Belly really is getting a divorce..his wife is trying to "sabotage it" by having a nervous breakdown. He says she's been on medication for quite some time...interesting.
I'd break down and be on medication if I was married to him too.
He said while he was cleaning out her shit, he found a journal that read:
"I want to kill [Belly], he tries to tell me how to spend my money. The pink elephants came and talked to me again and now I don't want to kill him anymore"
That bitch is nuts
I asked him what he thought the "pink elephants" were but he said he didn't know....I had to take another trip to the ladies room....