Raindrops Keep Falling On My TV

Now that stupid song is in my head...

Friday night, The Deep South had itself an ole fashioned rain/sleet/snow storm..YAY!! I was watching TV and kept hearing this damn noise..wtf is that??
My husband, of course said I was a loon because he didn't "hear no damn noise"...*sigh*, men.
So I investigated..cuz that's what I do...and I noticed this:

Yep, not good...
I figured (for some stupid reason) that the rain/sleet/snow storm couldn't possibly last that long..and as usual, I was wrong:

Oooh, check out that "high end" stereo system..from Best Buy....clearance center. I was a little concerned that my equally "high end" particle board and veneer TV hutch would get all gross but the water mostly just dripped down the wall.Then, over the next 3 days it just got worse and worserer:

And this is about the worsteded it got:

(I'm just sitting here thinking about all the people that really believe that I use words like worserer and worsteded in "real" life...HA!)
The first night, I called my landlady (who lives in Florida) and she proceeded to freak out and I promise you, she called at least 12 more times over the next two days..bless her heart..She's been on the phone with the condo association all weekend and I've been forced to send digital pictures of everbody and everything.

I almost DIDN'T tell her that the refrigerator had also lost it's shit and stopped refrigerating things and that our milk was all chunky..eww

After 3 millions phone calls between me and the landlady, I found a repairman.

Let yourself imagine for a moment - The dirtiest, smelliest man you have even seen, then add a 4 pack a day smoking habit, a case of beer and a wet lung cough..then let him into your house... and let him touch things.

He opened the freezer door and in 2 seconds, determined that the "defrost system was broken"..um, OK..then he had the nerve to say: "hack, hack, spittle, hack..$250 is the cost"....whoa!! WTF??

When I let him know that my landlady would be paying him over the phone with her credit card, he flipped out and started yelling into his radio in some strange language that sounded like Ukrainian and Spanish. Then the lady on the other end yelled back in the same language and he told me that he needed his money up front, right now..he must have been out of cigarettes and was starting to get the shakes.

I had been sick all weekend with some weird combination of Acid Reflux and the Flu and was just way too nauseous to put up with his shit so I tried to pay him his $8 service call fee with a $20 bill...he was mad some more when he had to find change....then he tried to give me $16 back for my $20..and if I wasn't such a sweet angel, I would have let it slide but I felt bad for his coughing ass so I showed him what the correct change looked like...I then sanitized the entire house and burned off all my skin with acid.

I spent all day today doing my best to defrost the freezer and throw away shit that I'm sure we haven't seen in over 6 months...you know how I feel about mold..but maybe you don't know how my husband likes to use this against me and refuses to throw gross things out for me...not even if I beg and especially not if I cry.

I literally almost died from holding my breath AND screaming my face off while scraping what seemed to be refried beans with blue hair into the trash..oh, good times.

Even though my husband directed me to throw "every damn thing" away, I kept some frozen stuff in a cooler that I found on the sun porch that had a strange,dead bug in it..instead of actually cleaning it, I covered the bottom in 400 trash bags because GAHHH it was looking at me and stuff...and Publix Sherbet is the best thing since sliced sex.

I guess what I did worked because it's cool in there again..not chilly like I like it but it will do for now.

Aint I a Handy Bitch??

IMVU - Now I'm COMPLETELY Out Of Control

Ok, so now I've figured out how to make an avatar that looks a little more like the "real" me...oh lawd...The base avatar is called "Curvy Lolita"..well excuuuse me..



Yes I've made her pretty slutty too but fishnets are fun.

My avatar has had a really busy week so far, and since momma needs some new shoes, I got a job at the local fine dance academy:

Welcome to the main stage..Sista Big Bone!!!


Then I found a nice kitty to ride at the zoo:



But unfortunately, fell in with the wrong crowd







Yep, the devil made me do it...

Then I found Nemo:



Got my Jennifer Hudson on:



Found a nice Country bar..that had rides:




And had to spend the rest of the night dancing like this:



The next day I became a patron of the arts







And since I'm soooo popular, I was invited to a beach barbecue:










Where I proceeded to get so drunk that I did some really dumb shit:







And almost drowned..to death:



But then I was resuscitated..and was well enough to go to the club and flirt with boys..of course:



This poor child was 19..and he followed me around for an hour...bless his little heart.

IMVU - My Personal Private Shame

Last week I stumbled upon this little website called IMVU.com.
It's what the kids these days called Second Life, a virtual world.
..and I'm fucking hooked..I am such a nerd.

Damn you, young people.

I set up my avatar one night at around 9:00 pm and before I knew it, it was 3:00 am..oops..I got caught up "buying" shoes, clothes and hair for her with my credits...It's like shopping with somebody else's money....which is ALWAYS great.

Here's my avatar:



Yes,I've become an absolute whore on the internet...and I obviously love the hot tub.

So the second night, in the Public 3D rooms, I found the "night clubs"...and then I lost complete control of myself..





But I found a way to earn my keep:




I'm sure can imagine just how tough it was to tend bar in a bathing suit and stiletto boots...I'm sure.

Oh, then I joined a one woman band:



Then on Sunday, I woke up, changed into a slightly less whorish outfit, cooked some grits and did a little housework in my virtual beach house condo:



And then, to repent for the night before, I went to virtual church:



But isn't amazing that even in church, a Pimp will try to holla?



After church, I went home to get some rest and what did I find?...a damn orgy:



Roommates...

*Sigh*..just like college all over again...

Man Candy - A Video

If sex sells, I'm buying...on credit, of course.

It was all "Chocolaty Goodness" until Lil Wayne showed up in the video..yeck.

I'm thinking about getting that weave for the summer..without that "stripper blonde" business in the front though...did I type that out loud?? Oops.


Keri Hilson Feat Lil Wayne - Turnin Me On official music video

African Braid Shops, Jerky and Mean Old Ladies

I went to the mall the other day to get my hair braided, because I enjoy the torture and because my hair looked like shit sprinkled with warm death..mmm sexy.

Discovery Channel should do a documentary on the African Braid Shop..complete foolishness.

You can rest assured that when you arrive for your appointment, one or all these things will be true:

1. If you are the first client in the morning, the shop will be fucking filthy..I swear, it never fails...so you will then be forced to wait another 30 minutes while they clean up.

2.When you ask one of the 3 million braiders in there where your braider is, an argument will break out among them..in a foreign language that sounds kinda like french...with lots of tooth sucking.

3. When your braider finally arrives, expect a 10 minute "discussion" about the price...you agreed to one price earlier but now it's something different..usually MORE money.

4. The braider will then try to tell you that "this style won't work for you with the hair you bought"..even though SHE just did the SAME style on you, using the SAME hair, last month.

5. Even though it is your "practice and tradition" to bring your own GOOD QUALITY hair, they will try to get you to buy the shitty, overpriced plastic doll hair that they have in their shop..and will go on and on about it..

6. Even though you came here to relax, read a book or watch tv while you get your hair done, your braider will make you hand her the hair, and as soon as you get the hang of the size she wants you to hand her, she will then change her mind, suck her teeth some more and make you hand her different sizes..damn damn damn! Why can't this heffa get an assistant or a stool or something??

7. They don't do ANY kind of haircuts or styling so if you want it to look like this:



YOU'LL HAVE TO STYLE IT YOUR DAMN SELF!! (No this is not me but we ALL pose in stripper dresses like this when we get our hair done)

And of course, by the end, your scalp will look and feel like it has stitches..ouch..




No, this is not my hair or forehead..but it's really close to what mine looks like..but mine looks better...ha.

So go ahead and pop a couple of 800 mg Motrin horse pills on the way home, otherwise there will be no sleep for you tonight.

And I continue to put up with this shit every couple of months because I am a slack ass that doesn't like to "do" hair...and it looks cute..and when it grows in a little, people think its your real hair...and that's all that counts.

Next Subject:

As I was leaving the mall parking lot, I noticed a store that had a big, pretty red sign that read:

BEEF JERKY

A whole store dedicated to dried meat...Belly would probably faint if he saw that.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during this guy's "pitch" to his wife...

Husband: Honey!! I quit my job!!
Wife: Um, huh?
Husband: I wanna open a Beef Jerky store!! Trust me, it'll be GREAT!!

Yeah, I'm sure that ended with him being beaten about the head and chest..and a divorce.

Oh, and one last thing....

An old lady sharked me for a parking space yesterday.. Shouldn't she have a handicapped placard or something?? Oh!! and this broad had the nerve to give me a dirty look when I drove by....wtf?

Is it bad that I wanted to run her ass over as she hobbled her old self into the store?

I know, I'm mean...but my hair is cute.

Oh Love...

I'm bored..I'm at work..It's Saturday...Oh, and it's Valentine's day..woo hoo?

I'm watching Open Season 2 on company equipment..I'm sooo bad...but this movie is fucking hilarious...Dumb Cat Roger almost made me pee myself - "Stanley!! It's Been AGESSSTHH...sad how children's movies are actually made for adults.

Belly's sister still works with us on Saturdays..yay? She mostly keeps to herself...we sit kinda far from her and I'm sure it's hard getting all that ass over here just to chat...thank god.
1 weird thing: this morning when I came in, she was already here and she was on her cell. As I walked by, I heard her saying what sounded to be "sweet nothings".."well, you know where I am..uh huh..*coy giggle*...well get some rest sweetie..*coy giggle*..mm hmm...yeah"...then once I got past her, she stopped me and said "Hi Linka, that was Belly, he says to tell you all what's up!!"..yay, great.

um..huh?

I have NEVER talked and giggled on the phone with MY brother like that...I guess some people just have a weird relationship traditions.

Anyway, I don't really want much for Valentine's day...well truthfully I want a whole lot of shit but it ain't gonna happen.
I asked TOH what he wanted and he said: "Some peace and quiet during the All Star Game and about 5 pounds of steamed crab legs"

I guess I could do that...for him...because I love him...I suppose.

Belly Makes A Video

I just laughed my ass ALL the way off.

If Belly was a white guy in a leotard.... the look on his face at the :27 mark made me piss myself.


Cubby dances to Beyonce Single Ladies