The Internet Is Bad For You..

Because I know that you were just MOIST with anticipation...Here's an IMVU update.

I recently attended a Trailer Trash Bash..because as a classy ass broad, I am invited to only the most exclusive events ya know?

Here's me and a friend, chillin' on the "veranda"



What?..My lil Trick Baybee's gotta eat!!



Ahh..the miracle of birth...this is Lerleane's 12th child..(this year)



Betty - quenchin her Meth-thirst



and as per usual..a fight broke out

Notice how lil Trick Baybee just hangs on me hands free..he's talented like dat.

And now for the talent portion of our program...

Some quiet time with lil Quantalavius O'Shaunessy... His daddy "might" have been an Irish truck driver..I think...and yes, those are PBR can curlers in my weave..recycling is important ya know.

mm hmm..we are the hottest bitches in the trailer court!! I'm sure you're wondering why Betty Rae is all bruised up..she , umm, fell in the tub..yeah, that.

I'm sure that I've offended anyone who has ever lived in a trailer..my work here is DONE!!!...*taking a bow*

Milko..What??

HAAAAA..talking babies are heeelarious..or really stupid..whatever



..and Lindsey??..THE BEST PART

Babies Are Yummy

So remember I said that I wanna steal an Asian baby?

This one would be my first acquisition:

eat @ Yahoo! Video

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/4546511/12175400

and my second: (His anger makes me giggle..cuz I'm mean and in need of therapy)

eat @ Yahoo! Video

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/5317430/14019354

Asian Dudes are HAWT!!

OK, so for the past couple of years I've had this inappropriate fascination with hot Asian guys.

Could it be that I've never actually dated one?

I mean, let's be honest - on a normal day, my cooch could be mistaken for the front lobby of United Nations Headquarters..I've had 'em all thankyouverymuch.

I'm sure that the informers who run and tell my husband every damn thing they see on here are just moist with anticipation right now.

I was goofing off (as usual) at work on the Internet and I came across a photographer named Norm Yip and he is my hero..he has a book called The Asian Male..*sigh*..so yummy.

But of course, me being stupid as all shit..I decided to go to icanhazcheezburger.com where you can BUILD YOUR OWN "LOLZ"...I promise you, it's the best thing since maxi pads for big girls (or at least ones with big ole asses).

Anywhooo, here's the product of my boredom and stupidity:








OK..I know..call somebody to come pick my crazy ass up..but you gotta admit that they ARE kinda fine....

Oh, did I mention that I also try to steal cute lil Asian babies at least once a week??

What?..they're just so damn cuuuuute!!

Keith Olbermann Is The MuthaFukkin' Man!!

Ok so..I try not to get into the whole "politics/religion" thing..because people are haters here in the Bible Belt South...but Keith always says what I'm thinking and am too afraid to say out loud:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-PEaWUduCM

and just in case that one has been removed...(sorry, I'm at work and YouTube is blocked here)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1HO1bdMnwQ

Yeah..Not Really In The Mood For Bullshit This Year

Life Update:

It still sucks ass

Yay for updates!!

I have mind alteringly painful cramps today so I'm just a ball of fucking sunshine.

There's an ice storm going on right now..and my employers fully expect US to show up..but they can "work from home"..fuckers

What else...hmm..lemme see

Belly's sister wore a celadon green sweat suit to work Friday..she looks like a 400 pound lima bean..or better yet..Roz fom Mon.sters Inc:




Woo..I slay me

Oh, and my parents are STILL in my guest room...sigh
I promise, if it was just my Mom staying there it would be cool because she's very quiet and unobtrusive...but my damn Step Dad is - in a word - GROSS.
It took everything in me not to vomit all over the keyboard thinking of how he just sits on my guest bed belching, breathing heavy, moaning from "so called" body aches, grunting and blowing his nose..

All. Fuckin'. Day.

Small things get to me..I guess it's an OCD thing.
Every time I go in there to use the computer..he's in there..just festering
So I try to ignore him, I even turn my headphones up to "level 11"..AND I CAN STILL HEAR HIM!!

edited to add: For fuck's sake..he's taken to eating ALL of his meals in my guest room now..he rarely leaves said room..great, I guess I can look forward to squatters AND roaches.

Oh and this: He hums when he eats.. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??

I just want some time to my damn self to play IMVU, goof off on Facebook and hell, even look at some funny porn movie outtakes!!

umm..huh?...just act like you didn't see that last part

Anyway...

I really want to lose weight this year...yeah, I say that EVERY year but this time I mean it...shut up..I'm serious...ok if you're gonna laugh that loud, at least take it outside.

I've decided to call this little initiative:
"One Piece (with a sarong) Fine" By Summer Time
(because "Bikini Fine" is just asking for too much right now.)

I went to the gym today and walked a mile on the treadmill. Both, for the first time in months..sigh..my ass felt like it was on fire for the first few minutes but somehow I survived. Plus, it gave me a place to go that ISN'T the cluster-fuck of my house or work.

Hmm..maybe having squatters will be a great way to lose weight..MAYBE

Christmas Kicked My Ass..

but unlike Thanksgiving - It also spit in my face and called my Mother a whore.

The End

More Talk Of Bellies And Such

Wikipedia calls it a Panniculus...I call it....FRIEND

Remember my post about Belly's Sister's Belly?...well I'm still afraid of that big ole thang...and it still talks to me...but now it speaks in a French accent...Sacrebleu!!

I was walking back to my desk the other day and she was in a back hallway on her cell phone. She was leaning back against the window sill and I (unfortunately) happened to notice that her stomach had a CAMEL TOE!!!! ( I would link a heeelarious reference to that word but every thing related to it has been blocked where I work..fuckin party poopers).

*fainted, then died*

I find myself wondering if she wears her panties OVER it or UNDER it....I mean, I have a lil gut and I wear my panties over it..people tell me that I tend to over share...they're crazy.

Ok..I'm so damn mean...but sometimes I just can't help it.

Oh Stop Ya Blood-Clot Cryin Already....

*sigh*

Now that my ass is a little less sore from Thanksgiving...ok, that sounded weird...I am now takin the time to have a little pity party.

I hate everybody and everything.

It seems that my parents and lil sister have moved into my guest room. They have been here since Thanksgiving...it just "sorta happened".

Long story short - They have a house about 30 miles from mine - 2.5 years ago they saw a rodent of some sort in there - they RAN from said house to Grandma's house - they visited their own house occasionaly while they "sorta" moved in with GMa - the roof sprung a leak - no one noticed for a while - mildew is half way up the wall in my lil sis's room..and spreading - her ceiling also fell in - GMa finally got sick of having house guests - Oh, and my parents don't have a lot of money AND they have a procrastination problem.

I offered to help them fix the situation but I can't get them to commit to anything.

Try to talk to my step dad the other night just about made me slit my throat. You see, he's a Narcoleptic that also has Sleep Apnea..yeah, good times.

I mean, shit, we could pull a truck up to the nearest gas station and pick up a few day laborers, some masks, a couple of crowbars, shovels and have the room gutted in like an hour!!

Drywall costs what? $12 a sheet? a roll of insulation? $20...tarp? $30???

Fuckin hell, it makes me angry that they let their house get to the state it's in.

I've decided to get an extremely small loan from the credit union to try and help out.

Shit sucks..we're poor and I'm tired....and I still have far too many people living in my condo that I am not married to.

Somebody pour me a drink....A BIG ONE

And get me a shotgun...cuz if I see ANYTHING remotely "rodent-ish" while I'm there??? That fucker will be dead as the day is long.

Thanksgiving Kicked My Ass

The End.