Yeah..Not Really In The Mood For Bullshit This Year

Life Update:

It still sucks ass

Yay for updates!!

I have mind alteringly painful cramps today so I'm just a ball of fucking sunshine.

There's an ice storm going on right now..and my employers fully expect US to show up..but they can "work from home"..fuckers

What else...hmm..lemme see

Belly's sister wore a celadon green sweat suit to work Friday..she looks like a 400 pound lima bean..or better yet..Roz fom Mon.sters Inc:




Woo..I slay me

Oh, and my parents are STILL in my guest room...sigh
I promise, if it was just my Mom staying there it would be cool because she's very quiet and unobtrusive...but my damn Step Dad is - in a word - GROSS.
It took everything in me not to vomit all over the keyboard thinking of how he just sits on my guest bed belching, breathing heavy, moaning from "so called" body aches, grunting and blowing his nose..

All. Fuckin'. Day.

Small things get to me..I guess it's an OCD thing.
Every time I go in there to use the computer..he's in there..just festering
So I try to ignore him, I even turn my headphones up to "level 11"..AND I CAN STILL HEAR HIM!!

edited to add: For fuck's sake..he's taken to eating ALL of his meals in my guest room now..he rarely leaves said room..great, I guess I can look forward to squatters AND roaches.

Oh and this: He hums when he eats.. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??

I just want some time to my damn self to play IMVU, goof off on Facebook and hell, even look at some funny porn movie outtakes!!

umm..huh?...just act like you didn't see that last part

Anyway...

I really want to lose weight this year...yeah, I say that EVERY year but this time I mean it...shut up..I'm serious...ok if you're gonna laugh that loud, at least take it outside.

I've decided to call this little initiative:
"One Piece (with a sarong) Fine" By Summer Time
(because "Bikini Fine" is just asking for too much right now.)

I went to the gym today and walked a mile on the treadmill. Both, for the first time in months..sigh..my ass felt like it was on fire for the first few minutes but somehow I survived. Plus, it gave me a place to go that ISN'T the cluster-fuck of my house or work.

Hmm..maybe having squatters will be a great way to lose weight..MAYBE

Christmas Kicked My Ass..

but unlike Thanksgiving - It also spit in my face and called my Mother a whore.

The End

More Talk Of Bellies And Such

Wikipedia calls it a Panniculus...I call it....FRIEND

Remember my post about Belly's Sister's Belly?...well I'm still afraid of that big ole thang...and it still talks to me...but now it speaks in a French accent...Sacrebleu!!

I was walking back to my desk the other day and she was in a back hallway on her cell phone. She was leaning back against the window sill and I (unfortunately) happened to notice that her stomach had a CAMEL TOE!!!! ( I would link a heeelarious reference to that word but every thing related to it has been blocked where I work..fuckin party poopers).

*fainted, then died*

I find myself wondering if she wears her panties OVER it or UNDER it....I mean, I have a lil gut and I wear my panties over it..people tell me that I tend to over share...they're crazy.

Ok..I'm so damn mean...but sometimes I just can't help it.

Oh Stop Ya Blood-Clot Cryin Already....

*sigh*

Now that my ass is a little less sore from Thanksgiving...ok, that sounded weird...I am now takin the time to have a little pity party.

I hate everybody and everything.

It seems that my parents and lil sister have moved into my guest room. They have been here since Thanksgiving...it just "sorta happened".

Long story short - They have a house about 30 miles from mine - 2.5 years ago they saw a rodent of some sort in there - they RAN from said house to Grandma's house - they visited their own house occasionaly while they "sorta" moved in with GMa - the roof sprung a leak - no one noticed for a while - mildew is half way up the wall in my lil sis's room..and spreading - her ceiling also fell in - GMa finally got sick of having house guests - Oh, and my parents don't have a lot of money AND they have a procrastination problem.

I offered to help them fix the situation but I can't get them to commit to anything.

Try to talk to my step dad the other night just about made me slit my throat. You see, he's a Narcoleptic that also has Sleep Apnea..yeah, good times.

I mean, shit, we could pull a truck up to the nearest gas station and pick up a few day laborers, some masks, a couple of crowbars, shovels and have the room gutted in like an hour!!

Drywall costs what? $12 a sheet? a roll of insulation? $20...tarp? $30???

Fuckin hell, it makes me angry that they let their house get to the state it's in.

I've decided to get an extremely small loan from the credit union to try and help out.

Shit sucks..we're poor and I'm tired....and I still have far too many people living in my condo that I am not married to.

Somebody pour me a drink....A BIG ONE

And get me a shotgun...cuz if I see ANYTHING remotely "rodent-ish" while I'm there??? That fucker will be dead as the day is long.

Thanksgiving Kicked My Ass

The End.

For The Thick Chicks...

Damn..I Need A Camera Phone

ok..this is now my FAVORITE DAMN WEBSITE!!!

peopleofwalmart.com

I live in the South..and believe me, people here make QUITE an impression...HA

I Always Feel Like Somebody Is Watchin' Meeeee

Good lord, when was my last post??

Shaddup, I've been busy fending off a Belly doppelganger.

Yes...there's a new guy...and strangely he looks like a caucasian version of Belly..and he stares at my juggs...and I hate him already.

He's only actually spoken to me once..and my skin crawled afterwards...His pod mate is my buddy who I call "Paul Wall" the most ghetto white boy I have ever met..and when I go over there to get my "hood fix", Ole Beady Eyes is always there..justa lookin.

and he's a Mouth-Breather..how sexy.
Even sexier, his stomach is so big he has to lean almost all the way back in his chair.

I seem to be fascinated with people's stomachs lately..I'm like a child that can't stop staring.
I know it's mean...but I just can't help it. Belly's sister's is one of my favorites to look at. It hangs all the way down by her knees and she sorta has to propel it forward when she walks.

It's almost like it speaks to me in a pre-historic nomadic language that the two of us can understand.

Stomach: Bleety Buu Hee Owww *tongue click* Mehee Calala
Me: Mmm Hmmm, every day and twice on Wednesdays

I think it's mostly skin from when she had an "alleged" gastric bypass some years ago...but a fellow hateful co-worker disagrees and says "aww hell naww, that's fat"...(this is the same person that said she needed a "do-over" on her gastric bypass...and I laughed for 2 hours after he said that - I felt bad - but I still laughed).

I sometimes wonder if she has to put baby powder under it like I have to do with my big ole Double D's in the summer time.....

This blog is a cry for help isn't it?

Yay Halloween??

*sigh*

Happy almost Halloween....

As usual, I am the only person dressed up...because "Halloween is the Devil" according to the "Amen Corner".

Whatever...

I'm Coffy/Foxy Brown today...but I've renamed myself Koffee Keylala Brown..cuz I'm bored.

If I weren't trying to keep my hateful ass anonymous, I'd show you some pictures...

Whatever... Eat some damn cupcakes.... gone horribly wrong

I Really Hate People Who Hate Other People..

*sigh*

My co-workers are RAGING homophobes and it makes me sad. I call them the Amen Corner and they tend to hide it under the guise of being religious and that "it just aint right"...but the bottom line is that they are mean as fuck.

Ok, I get the whole "freedom of speech" thing but gaaahh..the things they say are just..ughh, here are a few..because I just can't believe these broads sometimes:

"You know Queen Latifah has a girlfriend right?"
"Whaaaat??...Well I'll never buy another Cover Girl product again in my life"
"Mm Hmm girl, me neither"

"I can't believe those faggots are trying to compare their struggles to ours (Black People)..like they have any idea what's it's like to be discriminated against..{insert ME rattling off a list of parallels\similarities here} then..{insert a cubicle farm of blank stares and some crickets chirping here}

(On the subject of gays and adoption) "I just think that it's confusing for the children" umm really??..this comment came from an admitted home-wrecker with a million kids by 32,000 different baby-daddies. Confusing indeed.

Yesterday they were in a huddled whisper-fest about Obama saying (what they thought they heard him say) "was gonna overturn this whole gay marriage thing" and I heard one of them say: " OH HELL NAW BUDDY...we'll write a buncha damn letters!!"
It took everything in me not to tell them where to stuff their letters.

When me and my more tolerant co-workers talk about gay rights, there's this one lady who looks like she may actually vomit...sometimes I just wanna turn around and ask her: Is it really that fuckin bad????? I guess so, for her at least.

They have told me that I'm gay-friendly because of "That damn Internet"..um, ok

Oh, and they think that Flu Shots are the devil..wow, you just can't make this shit up...