Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Black Thursday and Friday..All Late And Shit
And that was just my WalMart cart...
I promise, this was not all for MY baby..but I was tempted.
I have several excuses for why I am just getting around to posting this:
1. I'm lazy as shit
2. My husband's parents don't have internet (*gasp*, clutch the pearls)
3. The town they live in allows me about an 1/8th of a bar cell reception
4. Fuck AT&T and my slow ass iPhone
5. When you have kids, shit just slips your mind
6. I am still slightly traumatized by the whole weekend
There was one point, while I was laying across a pallet of pink baby laptops waiting for 10:00pm Thursday) to strike, that I thought to myself: "Bitch..you are pure fucking cray cray, go back to the house and get some sleep"..but then I imagined just how fucking cute my lil baybeeeeee would look using a pink baby laptop and I prepared for battle.
15 minutes earlier, some shit jumped off over some cheap ass, fake leather ottomans..seriously.
Luckily, I'd made a "friend" while laying across the pallet of cute V-tech baby shit and we devised a plan to use another "friend's" shopping cart to store all of our loot.
She was one buddy down because apparently, it is bad form to threaten a WalMart employee with the phrase "I hope somebody pushes your fat bitch ass down"...in that small town, it makes the police come to your pallet and escort you out of the store..in handcuffs.
Small town WalMart etiquette..so confusing.
Anywayzzz, 10pm came and people went crazy..but I got my pink baby laptop and I'm still alive. I left the pink baby rocking horse thingie in the men's underwear aisle because after standing in line with it for a while, it was giving me the hairy eyeball and was freaking me out..maybe next year.
Oh, and THIS..could ya just diiiiie??!!?? Maybe she will become Queen of Da Piano like Lady Gaga and take care of me in my old age..or she could just make a whole lot of noise and shame the family name..whatever, it's cute.
Edited to add: I ALSO got up on Friday at 3am like a dumb ass and went shopping in a different small town..but I'm too tired to write about it right now.
And the moral of this story is...
WE ATE A DAMN FINE FRIED TURKEY
(I was never good at that whole "moral of the story" shit..and I'm sleepy..and the baby making poop noises and it sounds like a blow-out.)