Friday, March 27, 2009
Dhani has a new show on the Travel Channel called Dhani Tackles The Globe.
Me and The Husband watched it the other night and on the ouside, I feigned like he was no big deal but on the INSIDE...I was screaming his name from the hilltops while he made sweet, sweet love to me...is that considered "cheating on your husband"?.....probably.....anywhooo
Now, Dhani could use a good haircut but I can get over that...I guess
Picture: Erik Hartman, Courtesy of Red Line Films
I blocked out the other guys' faces because honestly, they don't matter.....
Oh laaaawd.. I think that's a Speedo!!!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Seems she ran into a little trouble..got caught up with the wrong crowd and whatnot...
It all finally caught up with her......
Might as well "make a lil change up in huuur"
So after my online virtual boyfriend posted bail, I decided that maybe it was a good idea to take a little time off…yes, Cookie is a Jet Setter, baby.
And since I have virtual homes in Sydney and Venice…PRIVATE JETS AND CHAMPAGNE ALL THE WAY!!!
And of course I, I mean Cookie had to go on a cruise or two
But never to far away from the internet....
Men..always tryin to holla…tsk tsk
This is what happens when you drink brown liqour...this won't end well.
Somehow, I landed in a bucket of shit..or is this supposed to be a mud bath??
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Friday night, The Deep South had itself an ole fashioned rain/sleet/snow storm..YAY!! I was watching TV and kept hearing this damn noise..wtf is that??
My husband, of course said I was a loon because he didn't "hear no damn noise"...*sigh*, men.
So I investigated..cuz that's what I do...and I noticed this:
Yep, not good...
I figured (for some stupid reason) that the rain/sleet/snow storm couldn't possibly last that long..and as usual, I was wrong:
(I'm just sitting here thinking about all the people that really believe that I use words like worserer and worsteded in "real" life...HA!)
The first night, I called my landlady (who lives in Florida) and she proceeded to freak out and I promise you, she called at least 12 more times over the next two days..bless her heart..She's been on the phone with the condo association all weekend and I've been forced to send digital pictures of everbody and everything.
After 3 millions phone calls between me and the landlady, I found a repairman.
Let yourself imagine for a moment - The dirtiest, smelliest man you have even seen, then add a 4 pack a day smoking habit, a case of beer and a wet lung cough..then let him into your house... and let him touch things.
He opened the freezer door and in 2 seconds, determined that the "defrost system was broken"..um, OK..then he had the nerve to say: "hack, hack, spittle, hack..$250 is the cost"....whoa!! WTF??
When I let him know that my landlady would be paying him over the phone with her credit card, he flipped out and started yelling into his radio in some strange language that sounded like Ukrainian and Spanish. Then the lady on the other end yelled back in the same language and he told me that he needed his money up front, right now..he must have been out of cigarettes and was starting to get the shakes.
I had been sick all weekend with some weird combination of Acid Reflux and the Flu and was just way too nauseous to put up with his shit so I tried to pay him his $8 service call fee with a $20 bill...he was mad some more when he had to find change....then he tried to give me $16 back for my $20..and if I wasn't such a sweet angel, I would have let it slide but I felt bad for his coughing ass so I showed him what the correct change looked like...I then sanitized the entire house and burned off all my skin with acid.
I spent all day today doing my best to defrost the freezer and throw away shit that I'm sure we haven't seen in over 6 months...you know how I feel about mold..but maybe you don't know how my husband likes to use this against me and refuses to throw gross things out for me...not even if I beg and especially not if I cry.
I literally almost died from holding my breath AND screaming my face off while scraping what seemed to be refried beans with blue hair into the trash..oh, good times.
Even though my husband directed me to throw "every damn thing" away, I kept some frozen stuff in a cooler that I found on the sun porch that had a strange,dead bug in it..instead of actually cleaning it, I covered the bottom in 400 trash bags because GAHHH it was looking at me and stuff...and Publix Sherbet is the best thing since sliced sex.
I guess what I did worked because it's cool in there again..not chilly like I like it but it will do for now.
Aint I a Handy Bitch??