I'm delirious..I, like an ass woke up at 3:30am with my pregnant friend and hit the stores..Best Buy was a joke..we were so far back in line, it was discouraging and sad..but we kept saying our motto of the day:
WE'RE SOLDIERS DAMMMMMIT!!
Ok, I have to go now..There is a "Belly" that is about 5 years old lurking over my shoulder. He has just annouced to the entire house that I typed a "Bad Word"....sit down ya little bastard..who's kid are you anyways ?....
I'll be back later
Friday, November 24, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
More Man Candyx2
God Damn It..Wentworth Miller is one hot son of a bitch.
He's kind of on the "pretty side" but he could get "it" if he asked nicely.
According to the net he's:
London born-Brooklyn raised Miller is part African-American, Jamaican, English, German, French, Dutch, Syrian, and Lebanese. Damn, that's a lot.
On a side note, Dominic Purcell could get "it
He's kind of on the "pretty side" but he could get "it" if he asked nicely.
According to the net he's:
London born-Brooklyn raised Miller is part African-American, Jamaican, English, German, French, Dutch, Syrian, and Lebanese. Damn, that's a lot.
On a side note, Dominic Purcell could get "it
You Still STANK
This morning I was reading my email when I noticed a "noise" coming from above me. Yes, it was Belly, leaning over the cube wall..lips smacking...eating his yougurt/shit chip concoction..slurping...more nasty smacking..it was the nastiest noise I've heard in at least 2 weeks...(Shut Up Orhan)
I shot a shitty look out of the corner of my eye and he sat his fat ass down...my stomach is still churning from the noise.
Me and my co-worker witnessed a good 3 minutes of ass scratching from him today...he doesn't even really have an ass funny enough....my co-worker made me vomit a little by imagining how hairy and stinky he must be under the "fold" of his gut. She said it probably smells like potted meat...EWWWW
If he even attempts to touch anything I own, I'll stomp a mud hole in his ass.
Ten bucks says Belly cheats on his "diet" and ends up eating an ENTIRE turkey..bones and all. I wonder if 3 whole pies and 4 pans of dressing are permitted on the Fatkins Diet?
I just saw him in the break room...eating a BIG ASS bag of battered fries...now's he's gotten into the cookies...nice diet..I think I'll get on it too!!
We're trying to figure out how to tell him his breath smell like hot, raw sewage. One of my cube mates offered him a mint the other day and he refused, the co-worker insisted but Belly refused AGAIN..dumb ass can't take a hint.
So since I love a challenge, I offered him one just now..he refused it. He said: "Naw, I'm cool"...uh NO YOU'RE NOT!! I'm going to leave some mints in his drawer to see if he notices.
Me and The Other Half will be on vacation starting tomorrow and we'll be back on Monday..almost a week without Belly's irritating ass..I'm so damn happy, I might actually sing a song.
Hopefully there will be a computer around so that I can blog about my dysfunctional in-laws to be ..oh.what.fun.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody..Don't kill anyone while I'm gone!!!
I shot a shitty look out of the corner of my eye and he sat his fat ass down...my stomach is still churning from the noise.
Me and my co-worker witnessed a good 3 minutes of ass scratching from him today...he doesn't even really have an ass funny enough....my co-worker made me vomit a little by imagining how hairy and stinky he must be under the "fold" of his gut. She said it probably smells like potted meat...EWWWW
If he even attempts to touch anything I own, I'll stomp a mud hole in his ass.
Ten bucks says Belly cheats on his "diet" and ends up eating an ENTIRE turkey..bones and all. I wonder if 3 whole pies and 4 pans of dressing are permitted on the Fatkins Diet?
I just saw him in the break room...eating a BIG ASS bag of battered fries...now's he's gotten into the cookies...nice diet..I think I'll get on it too!!
We're trying to figure out how to tell him his breath smell like hot, raw sewage. One of my cube mates offered him a mint the other day and he refused, the co-worker insisted but Belly refused AGAIN..dumb ass can't take a hint.
So since I love a challenge, I offered him one just now..he refused it. He said: "Naw, I'm cool"...uh NO YOU'RE NOT!! I'm going to leave some mints in his drawer to see if he notices.
Me and The Other Half will be on vacation starting tomorrow and we'll be back on Monday..almost a week without Belly's irritating ass..I'm so damn happy, I might actually sing a song.
Hopefully there will be a computer around so that I can blog about my dysfunctional in-laws to be ..oh.what.fun.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody..Don't kill anyone while I'm gone!!!
Monday, November 20, 2006
You Stank
Notice I didn't say "stink"..this is way past "stink", it has now become STANK
Something in Belly's "area" smells like cigarettes, ass and Spam.
I let it slide for about an hour but after that, I just HAD to say something. He claimed it was an open meat container in his trash can and that he had closed it so he "can't understand why you smell anything"..shut up Stank Ass Belly.
I kept bothering him about the smell by complaining loudly and recruiting others who smelled it. ha hahahaha..he got all pissed and claimed to tie the trash liner in a knot...didn't help...when he went to inhale his lunch in the break room, I held my breath and switched his trash can with one in a vacant cube..yeckkkkk!! Sadly, we then noticed that a stench was ALSO coming from his jacket..shower much lard face???
I immediately fogged my entire area with fake CK1 body spray....what? It was better than "Belly Stank"!
Something in Belly's "area" smells like cigarettes, ass and Spam.
I let it slide for about an hour but after that, I just HAD to say something. He claimed it was an open meat container in his trash can and that he had closed it so he "can't understand why you smell anything"..shut up Stank Ass Belly.
I kept bothering him about the smell by complaining loudly and recruiting others who smelled it. ha hahahaha..he got all pissed and claimed to tie the trash liner in a knot...didn't help...when he went to inhale his lunch in the break room, I held my breath and switched his trash can with one in a vacant cube..yeckkkkk!! Sadly, we then noticed that a stench was ALSO coming from his jacket..shower much lard face???
I immediately fogged my entire area with fake CK1 body spray....what? It was better than "Belly Stank"!
Woo Hoo!! Fajita Night!!
I made fajitas last night..and of course you know, YOU MUST HAVE FRUITY, FROZEN DRINKS with fajitas..it's a law..somewhere....my head hurts this morning..wonder why?
Me and The Other Half hashed out the whole "He could have been killed" incident on Friday. He says he spoke witht he guy that accused him and they're friends again..whatever..don't ever let that bastard around me OR my house because I promise you..It will be a long day for his ass.
We mostly sat around and watched reality TV..The Girls Next Door is so damn funny...Hef is one old mothertrucker...imagine his wrinkly ass all up on you..yeck!
Me and The Other Half hashed out the whole "He could have been killed" incident on Friday. He says he spoke witht he guy that accused him and they're friends again..whatever..don't ever let that bastard around me OR my house because I promise you..It will be a long day for his ass.
We mostly sat around and watched reality TV..The Girls Next Door is so damn funny...Hef is one old mothertrucker...imagine his wrinkly ass all up on you..yeck!
Something's Fishy
Belly just informed us that the cameras he installed are HIDDEN CAMERAS!!! Silly me, I thought his kids knew about the cameras.
What kind of sick fuck secretly videotapes his family? And another thing...how do we know he hasn't installed them in their bedrooms??? He has a 17 year old Step-Daughter that I would be concerned about.
What a fucking weirdo....
What kind of sick fuck secretly videotapes his family? And another thing...how do we know he hasn't installed them in their bedrooms??? He has a 17 year old Step-Daughter that I would be concerned about.
What a fucking weirdo....
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I'd Do Him - Man Candy Of The Day
Common (that's his rap name) is SO damn fine..In a granola, vegetarian "we don't wear leather" kind of way. Still, he could "get it".
You Need A Listerine Suppository..
We had a staff meeting today..Belly INSISTED on asking 73,000 irrelevant questions..by the end of it, I'm sure my face was purple from his shit breath "fogger bomb" .
My co-worker nearly made me do a spit gag with my coffee with her comments about Belly's..well.. belly. It's SO big that he almost can't help but to cross his hands across it..It's like a handy tray table..
She proceeded to make a drawing that I just HAVE to post in my cubicle.
We also cackled on the way back about him having to lift that son of a bitch up just to piss..Just imagine the pestilence and death that's trapped under there on a hot day....oh.the.comedy.
QUESTION:
Are Krispy Kreme Glazed Mini Crullers on the Atkins Diet?
Oooh Look!!
Didn't think so..Belly just pounded down an entire bag in one sitting. At one point he tried to offer me one but I said no.
I told him that I liked "real" crullers from Dunkin' Donuts (see pic below)
..he got all pissed and said the store he got his from was way easier to get to in the morning (so fucking what..sit down, boy??!!) It makes me laugh to know that he thinks I'm an ungrateful bitch.
He then felt the need to try to make us all feel sorry for him cheating on his diet during the above-mentioned staff meeting..like it was our fault or something. He was eating some sort of concoction made of yogurt and shit chips during the meeting..nasty smacking noises for at leat 20 minutes..ewww, people kept looking at him but he didn't care.
I can't wait to ask him tomorrow what he witnessed on his surveillance camera..what a damn weirdo.
My co-worker nearly made me do a spit gag with my coffee with her comments about Belly's..well.. belly. It's SO big that he almost can't help but to cross his hands across it..It's like a handy tray table..
She proceeded to make a drawing that I just HAVE to post in my cubicle.
We also cackled on the way back about him having to lift that son of a bitch up just to piss..Just imagine the pestilence and death that's trapped under there on a hot day....oh.the.comedy.
QUESTION:
Are Krispy Kreme Glazed Mini Crullers on the Atkins Diet?
Oooh Look!!
Didn't think so..Belly just pounded down an entire bag in one sitting. At one point he tried to offer me one but I said no.
I told him that I liked "real" crullers from Dunkin' Donuts (see pic below)
..he got all pissed and said the store he got his from was way easier to get to in the morning (so fucking what..sit down, boy??!!) It makes me laugh to know that he thinks I'm an ungrateful bitch.
He then felt the need to try to make us all feel sorry for him cheating on his diet during the above-mentioned staff meeting..like it was our fault or something. He was eating some sort of concoction made of yogurt and shit chips during the meeting..nasty smacking noises for at leat 20 minutes..ewww, people kept looking at him but he didn't care.
I can't wait to ask him tomorrow what he witnessed on his surveillance camera..what a damn weirdo.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Men Are Stupid
The Other Half (TOH) could earn a degree in Silent Treatment with a double minor in Witholding Affection and Avoidance
Actually he could both teach the class AND write the textbook.
He's been pissed off at me since I pulled a "Crazy Bitch" (according to him) move this weekend.
Here's what happened:
Saturday night he told me the story of how one of his friends had been robbed the previous day. The robber roughed up the guy's kids including a baby. This guy says that he saw OUR car driving away from the scene as if to say The Other Half robbed him...I know, WTF???
Even though he is a "former thug", The Other Half is SOOO not "that guy".
A mutual friend of theirs then calls TOH at home on Saturday and says that there is a bounty on his head so to speak and that they're going to "get his ass"...again, WTF???
Long story short, they finally find out that the robber was a close friend of the victim's from NewYork and now everything is squashed and TOH is off the hook.....uh..Thanks?
So TOH let's the day progress, we go to our friend's house in separate cars, have some drinks and pizza, she took my weave out, we watched TV..blah blah blah.
I decided to go home and he said he wanted to stay a while longer. He called home at around 1:30 am saying he was going to play pool with (we'll call him) Bubba, Bubba just happens to be one of the assholes that accused TOH of being a home invader just a few hours ago....yeah, stupid huh?
I asked if he thought that was a good idea and he dismissed me as if to say "run along silly girl, shoo".
I somehow dozed off and woke up in a damn panic around 3:30am - of course his ass wasn't home yet..I called his cell phone at leat 10 times..no answer...Now I've got all kinds of horrible scenarios floating around in my head like they lured him out there to set him up and now he's dead in a ditch.
After a couple of minutes (it doesn't take me long to panic) He calls back all calm and cool:
TOH: What's up?
Me: What the fuck do you mean "what's up?"
TOH: Why are you trippin' ?
Me: WHERE ARE YOU?? You said you'd be home in 30 minutes..that was like 2 hours ago
TOH: (Sighing..like I'm just so tedious) I told you who I was out with, What's the problem?
Me: THAT"S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM!! How the hell are you going to be "hanging out" with the guys that just accused you of robbing them?? I'm scared asshole, you JUST told me a story of how you were nearly killed and I'm supposed to be OK with that {Insert screaming and crying here}
TOH: Whatever..you are completely over-reacting and I'm hanging up..CLICK..
Gasp..clutch the pearls..that asshole hung up on me...somebody will die before sun up.
He gets home a while later..I can feel him staring at the back of my head..I gave him the evil eye and turned back over.
He slept on the couch and probably hasn't said 15 words to me since them..so what.
Ok, I say "so what" but what I really mean is: PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!, DON'T BE MAD!! I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT YOUR DUMB ASS
But I'd never admit it to HIM..whaddya crazy?
UPDATE:
We're speaking again..He's got a bad cold and probably just wants sympathy..that was a mean thought..but I'm mean, remember?
Actually he could both teach the class AND write the textbook.
He's been pissed off at me since I pulled a "Crazy Bitch" (according to him) move this weekend.
Here's what happened:
Saturday night he told me the story of how one of his friends had been robbed the previous day. The robber roughed up the guy's kids including a baby. This guy says that he saw OUR car driving away from the scene as if to say The Other Half robbed him...I know, WTF???
Even though he is a "former thug", The Other Half is SOOO not "that guy".
A mutual friend of theirs then calls TOH at home on Saturday and says that there is a bounty on his head so to speak and that they're going to "get his ass"...again, WTF???
Long story short, they finally find out that the robber was a close friend of the victim's from NewYork and now everything is squashed and TOH is off the hook.....uh..Thanks?
So TOH let's the day progress, we go to our friend's house in separate cars, have some drinks and pizza, she took my weave out, we watched TV..blah blah blah.
I decided to go home and he said he wanted to stay a while longer. He called home at around 1:30 am saying he was going to play pool with (we'll call him) Bubba, Bubba just happens to be one of the assholes that accused TOH of being a home invader just a few hours ago....yeah, stupid huh?
I asked if he thought that was a good idea and he dismissed me as if to say "run along silly girl, shoo".
I somehow dozed off and woke up in a damn panic around 3:30am - of course his ass wasn't home yet..I called his cell phone at leat 10 times..no answer...Now I've got all kinds of horrible scenarios floating around in my head like they lured him out there to set him up and now he's dead in a ditch.
After a couple of minutes (it doesn't take me long to panic) He calls back all calm and cool:
TOH: What's up?
Me: What the fuck do you mean "what's up?"
TOH: Why are you trippin' ?
Me: WHERE ARE YOU?? You said you'd be home in 30 minutes..that was like 2 hours ago
TOH: (Sighing..like I'm just so tedious) I told you who I was out with, What's the problem?
Me: THAT"S EXACTLY THE PROBLEM!! How the hell are you going to be "hanging out" with the guys that just accused you of robbing them?? I'm scared asshole, you JUST told me a story of how you were nearly killed and I'm supposed to be OK with that {Insert screaming and crying here}
TOH: Whatever..you are completely over-reacting and I'm hanging up..CLICK..
Gasp..clutch the pearls..that asshole hung up on me...somebody will die before sun up.
He gets home a while later..I can feel him staring at the back of my head..I gave him the evil eye and turned back over.
He slept on the couch and probably hasn't said 15 words to me since them..so what.
Ok, I say "so what" but what I really mean is: PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!, DON'T BE MAD!! I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT YOUR DUMB ASS
But I'd never admit it to HIM..whaddya crazy?
UPDATE:
We're speaking again..He's got a bad cold and probably just wants sympathy..that was a mean thought..but I'm mean, remember?
A Weekly Occurence
It seems that cussing that bastard out is going to be a weekly occurence.
They had Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes in the cafeteria today..mmmmhmm.
I made my way there and back all happy about my lunch when of course, Belly's "big girl with a snack" radar went off.
He tried to disguise his staring with some bullshit story about one of his old business partners...whatever asshole.
As he loomed over my desk blowing warm, shit breath all over my lunch, my stomach literally LURCHED..I tried to ignore it and wave the smell of my lunch under my nose, but his breath was winning the battle.
He started with:
Belly: That sure looks good Linka72
Me: (Thinking) fuck off fatty
Belly: That smells REAL GOOD, and it looks good too {insert heavy breathing here} Look at those potatoes.....
Me: I swear to God, if you don't stop staring at my fucking food, I promise you I'll..
Belly: Dang, I'm just sayin..the smell is what made me stand up and take a look.blah blah fucking blah {insert ridiculous man-giggle here}
So now, here I sit, feeling nauseous and with the smell of his shit breath clinging to me.
Belly - Thanks for ruining my damn lunch. "Preeeshate" it.
They had Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes in the cafeteria today..mmmmhmm.
I made my way there and back all happy about my lunch when of course, Belly's "big girl with a snack" radar went off.
He tried to disguise his staring with some bullshit story about one of his old business partners...whatever asshole.
As he loomed over my desk blowing warm, shit breath all over my lunch, my stomach literally LURCHED..I tried to ignore it and wave the smell of my lunch under my nose, but his breath was winning the battle.
He started with:
Belly: That sure looks good Linka72
Me: (Thinking) fuck off fatty
Belly: That smells REAL GOOD, and it looks good too {insert heavy breathing here} Look at those potatoes.....
Me: I swear to God, if you don't stop staring at my fucking food, I promise you I'll..
Belly: Dang, I'm just sayin..the smell is what made me stand up and take a look.blah blah fucking blah {insert ridiculous man-giggle here}
So now, here I sit, feeling nauseous and with the smell of his shit breath clinging to me.
Belly - Thanks for ruining my damn lunch. "Preeeshate" it.
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