You RUDE Son of A...

I facilitated a meeting at work yesterday.

Belly decided that this would be a good time to catch up on his "beauty" sleep. That jackass actually started snoring at one point!!! My co-workers kept having to nudge him to keep his fat ass awake the whole time. He is such an embarassment, sitting there with his hands neatly folded across his buddah gut like nothing was wrong, head just a noddin'. He looked like a bobblehead
He did pipe up towards the end with some obscure, bullshit point he was trying to make and everybody just stared at him.

Today one of our call center computer tools was down. You would have thought that somebody shot him in his kneecap by the way he was over there cryin' "I can't do my job" and "This is really messing me up" and 'What are we gonna do??" blah fuckin' blah
I felt like I was talking someone off of a damn ledge!! I eventually "manned" up and told him that he didn't have to be the office martyr and that no one in management was going to blame him because the tool went down..fucking common sense to me, but to him???.... jeesuuusss

Go Grease(ed?) Lightning Go

At around 3am, we were awakened with such a fright - isn't that from Scrooge or something?

Anywhoo, we were woken up by something that I liken to a god damn BOMB!! I swear it was so loud, I peed a little (god I always say "too much" on this thing)

The other half jumped up and looked out the window but the rapid succession of lightning and loud thunder told his brave ass to get back from the window. As if loud bomb noises weren't enough, all the car alarms on the street were going off..especially that hateful, cheap ass, aftermarket alarm that my neighbor has set on "feather" or "slight breeze". One night I'm going to disassemble that piece of shit .

Because we're smart and have about 6 months of college between us, we figured out that lightning must have hit a transformer acroos the road..(power only blinked off for a second)
Well, just like a man, the other half fell right back to sleep. Of course I'm wide damn awake after making that much needed run to the potty.

I wanted to turn the TV on to see if, god forbid, a tornado was coming but the stupid thing wouldn't turn on. A few years back, my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to but the "floor model" TV in Circuit City 'cuz it was such a good price...now everytime the power goes out, you have to unplug the TV for 5 minutes, plug it back in and then you can watch it..stupid huh?

Anyway, I got the "evil mumble" from the other half for making noise and after about an hour, I was able to go back to sleep. Now I'm all sleepy and hateful..

What else is new??

I am such a CHICKENSH*T!!!

I watched Belly eat an ENTIRE rotisserie chicken for lunch today..jees He claims he's on the low-carb diet..yeah sure.

While he was smacking away in his cube, I was standing up in my cube and looking at a web site WITH MY BACK TO HIM as usual. I was minding my own fucking business and I hear:

Hey..
Hey you..
Hey..

I knew he was talking to me but I refused to be addressed as "Hey" or "Hey You" for that matter.
He finally said my name - well sort of - you know he likes to shorten my name which really pisses me off, but I digress...
After waving me over all fast like a fucking 6 year old...
He says to me: "Did I do or say something to get "us" off kilter?
I thought to myself: "yes, you fat, greasy-faced, whole chicken eating, weird ass, bad joke tellin',Polo shirt stretchin' NERD!!!, Check my last 7000 posts on Blogger.com, dumb ass!!"

But like a chicken shit, I just said that I hadn't had anything to say lately (yeah, cuz I've been blogging it all) THANK JEHOVA, my phone rang - I was literally saved by the bell.

My stomach is churning at the thought of him re-visiting the conversation. He acts like we were best buddies before or something..whateva

My mean bitch part of me is so glad that he noticed that I've been snubbing him. [Insert EVIL laugh/snicker here]
Then that stupid sap-ass part of me feels bad for his low self esteem, starved for attention ass.

But as always I got over the sappy-assness and went back to despising him..Woo Hoo..Good Times

Boys and Earrings

So I was watching a Katrina recap last night on NBC and they did a follow-up with a lady who last year was pleading with the camera for help for her baby. Such a cute baby, it broke my heart.
They reported that she was doing "okay" ( she hasn't been able to find work) and they showed her baby - OH MY GOD THAT CHILD WAS GORGEOUS!!! But see, I thought it was a little girl..well it had earrings in both ears and had long, curly blonde hair dammit!!

I wondered what she was thinking when she decided to pierce a boy infant's ears? Shouldn't she have waited, at least until he was a teenager, so that he could make the decision on his own? The Other Half got his EAR pierced when he was 13..still too young if ya ask me..but ya didn't did ya?

It got me thinking about a post by Amanda where people were harassing her about a decision she made for her son.
Somehow, to me at least, gymnastics is just a little different than baby sized bling bling.

Then I thought about all the cute little girl-babies I've seen with earrings..Double standard much Linka72??

More Belly

Ok, he's in "Full Jackass Mode" today. Thank god the phone's have been pretty busy today and thank god again that Belly is REALLY competitive. He's always trying to answer the most calls in the group..whateva asshole

Anyway, he said the phrase "Oh Snap" today...WTFFFFF???? Who even says that anymore?? That's like calling a group of friends your "posse" or saying a girl is "Fly"..sheesh, with your stuck in the 80's ass.

There's also another word that he says that absolutely grates my ass. Whenever he is trying to explain something (at length) that is really expensive, he says in a high pitched squeal:
It cost a Greeep!! (Imagine his dumb ass rolling the r)

what else..what else..OH!! Today Belly man giggled and it actually STOPPED a guy walking by IN HIS TRACKS, I was walking down the aisle and the guy looked at me as if I could explain what the fuck that was!! I just dipped my head and scrambled to the ladies room.

He kills me how he just blurts out statements or questions and expects you to know what the hell he's talking about. For Instance:

Cut to a small group of co-workers standing near my cube talking about a mall, basically shooting the shit and all of a sudden..
Belly: You know his DNA didn't match right??
Group: What??
Belly: The pervert
Group: Huh??
Belly: The JonBenet case..blah blah blah
The Group just stared at him with the WTF-Whateva look. I can't help to think that he gets that look a lot.

Reality TV is really getting out of hand

I made the mistake of watching Flavor of Love again this weekend - I just can't stay away, it's probably something subliminal they flash across the screen to make you watch it...Ok now I sound REALLY crazy.

Later on in the evening after we made paninis (why can't I just say we had grilled cheese sandwiches??? We watch wayyyy to much Food Network) , we watched Celebrity Fit Club. You know how you think that a person seems really nice, just like their character on a particular show?? Well Issac from the LOVE BOAT has completely shattered me!! During one of the challenges he said of co-star Angie Stone, "That Bitch ain't gon' do SHIT!!" ...eeeek!! *Gasp* [clutching the pearls]
I simply refused to believe that he said that - but it sure was funny as hell, and because we're that kind of stupid, me and the other half said it to each other all night -
Iron Chef: The chairman?? He ain't gon' do shit
Infomercial: The AbLounger?? It ain't gon' do shit
The Gospel Channel: They ain't gon' do....okay maybe that one went a little far..but our heathen asses laughed anyway
...oh the laughter

Being Mean Feels Good Sometimes

I had a little guilt wash over me today.

Belly loomed over my cube wall and asked to borrow my scissors to cut some crap. I call it crap since I'm sure it was something he used to be more of a nerd.
Anywhooo, I'm REALLY weird about people using my craft supplies to create stupid shit. For instance, cutting wire or thick plastic with my REALLY expensive scissors..WTF??? And they act all offended when I say no.

After giving his cutting subject the once over (and the fact that he wouldn't sit the fuck down) I gave him my scissors. He still wouldn't sit down and continued to make stupid little jokes like "unlike you, I can't cut a straight line" and [Insert stupid man-giggle here] " I think I failed crafts class".

I'm sure he expected me to laugh maniacally like he does at every damn thing but I just sat there WITH MY BACK TO HIM and continued to read blogs. I wanted to blog about his ass right away but HE WOULDN'T SIT DOWN!! He cut his little project out while looming over my trash can, mostly missing it and dropping shit on the floor.
I literally had to take a deep breath to keep from slapping the shit out of him and calling him names. It's like he stands there until I:
1. Look at him and acknowledge his foolish self OR
2. (fake)Laugh at his stupid jokes

As if using my good scissors wasn't enough, a few minutes later he asks for my damn Xacto knife...what???? Go away!!
After he asks he says "I'll stop bothering you now". Yeah right I'm thinking.
In the tradition of bothering me, he then offers me a damn rice krispy treat!!
He claims it was in return for "services rendered" but I really think he wanted me to eat it in front of him so he could get his rocks off - more food porn.
I mumbled "thanks" and threw it in my drawer.

He continued to stand there for a few more moments and then sat his ass down, I wish I had one of those bus mirrors that stick on your monitor, just so I could see what the hell he's doing back there.
I turned around yesterday and noticed that he stared right at my tits for a couple of seconds..ewwwwww, I should have slapped his nasty face.

A little later, I started to feel bad for being mean after I saw him skulk off to lunch. He usually eats his ass/onion/sewer smelling lunch in his cube, subjecting us to the stankness of it all, but today I saw him all lonely looking in the break-room.

I soon got over all this sappy-assness when he got back to his desk and the usual high pitched snot whistling commenced all in my damn ear....Shit, I need a vacation

One Day, I'll Be Cool..TODAY'S the day..

Woo Hoo!! My home computer is working again...look at the cool links I can do that refer to other posts..

Jees, my life really is boring huh?

WHEN THE LEVEES BROKE: A REQUIEM IN FOUR ACTS

I watched the Spike Lee documentary - WHEN THE LEVEES BROKE: A REQUIEM IN FOUR ACTS.

I was awake all night over seeing the dead bodies in the water. Can you imagine having to wade through that just to get to higher ground?

What really broke my heart was the scene where 5 children had to be rescued by an British news crew. They had been in the house with their dead mother for 2 days in the heat. They looked like they were in shock. I couldn't handle it.

It brings to mind an argument our whole group had against my annoying co-worker, Shorty.
He claims that he didn't feel sorry for any of them since they could have "gotten out"..really asshole??
Let's see, imagine that YOU don't have shit, YOUR FAMILY doesn't have shit and YOUR NEIGHBORS don't have shit...evacuate the city..right now..chop chop

Yeah right. Seems feasible. NOT!!

I'm going to watch the 2nd two parts tonight, I know it will be as good as the first 2 parts.

Boobie Fest

OK, You know I absolutely adore all mommyblog fellow bloggers like Amanda but dammit, I was a little freaked out this weekend.

I was walking through Sears..minding my own damn business when I turned a corner by the shoe department and saw:

An ENTIRE breast..in the wide open of a dept store

Maybe I should explain. She was breastfeeding, which would usually make me sigh and say "Oh how sweet" but this lady had a TUBE TOP on, and she didn't have a towel over her tit.
It caught me SO off guard that I think I stared for a second, in shock, because I was pretty sure I was looking at a breast but needed to adjust my eyes to make sure she wasn't just flashing me (It happened to me once..true story).

Now I know what you're saying.."we've all got em" but mine wasn't all out..in an ill-fitting tube top..in a store.
I felt a little bad about being startled by her..and her tit, so I looked around on the internet. Found this about Breastfeeding Confrontation

Anywhoo..she gave me a dirty look, so I gave her one back..that probably wasn't appropriate.