Whole Foods..It's The New Crack

So me and The Other Half just can't stay out of Whole Foods.....He took me out to dinner there last night..yeah, you can actually have dinner there.

We ate at the "seafood bar" and TOH got his shrimp for his Po Boy from THE SEAFOOD COUNTER..yeah, they let ya do that!!!..damn I love this place
I had the Fish and Chips..not exactly like "the real thing" in England but it was pretty damn good. It came with fresh fries and coleslaw, now if you know me, you know I HATE coleslaw, but that crap was wonderful..just cuz it was from Whole Foods.

My Valentine's Evening - Shut Up, I KNOW It's Late

On Wednesday TOH brought home some lovely ribeyes..from Publix.... NOT Whole Foods like we had last week when we somehow thought we were ballin' completely out of control.
Are you aware that EVERYTHING in that store costs $732?? Except the Blue Corn Chips that I love so much, they are a very paltry $1.50 and I can eat the whole bag if need be.

Anyway, on V-Day, TOH "The Steak Master", gets the cast iron skillet out..yeah, oh shit...and heats it up. I'm not sure if you're aware but black cast iron gets really fucking hot, really fucking quick. While he was marinating the steaks, I quietly opened every window in site and turned on fans across the land......
Next thing I knew, there was smoke BILLOWING from underneath the kitchen door and I heard coughing. I cracked the door to check on him and he yells out: Everything's under control!!

uh, OK

A few minutes and lots more smoke later, dinner was ready. Ribeye steaks and shrimp with just a little "Cajun" char but it was all quite yummy. I put some baked potatoes on earlier and when I went into the kitchen to get them, the floor was slicker than duck shit from all the grease he was spewing but I pretended not to notice..cuz I love him..and he's a great guy..most of the time.

We drank some sort of cheap wine that I found at the grocery store called Little Penguin White Shiraz.
1 glass in and I was drunk as shit..nope, TOH did NOT find this to be the right time to take advantage of me..dang it!!

We both fell asleep watching Law and Order because apparently, we're both 87 years old.

Are we NOT the hippest, sexiest people on the earth????? You are SO jealous!!!

What The...??

The Other Half chastised me last night for "hating on" Belly for getting a sportbike....whateva asshat.

It was just two minutes ago that you basically (thank god) banned him from calling the house..now you're homies????

TOH also THINKS he's getting a motorcycle sometime soon..I think not...Unless, of course, I can have one too.

Today my cube mate was attempting to be "politically correct" by stating that Belly didn't have the "proper anatomic proportions" to ride a motorcycle. I helped him out by saying: He's just too fucking fat and WAYYY too short to ride a sportbike....

He seemed relieved that I said it.

On another note, a stupid ass, I mean co-worker of mine, absolutely REFUSES to eat Blue Corn chips..country ass.
Here he is, always trying to make the rest of us look stupid on a daily basis and this jackass is deathly afraid of a chip!!
We tried to tell him that they taste pretty much like yellow corn chips but he won't believe us..a grown ass man??!!!??

You're Gonna Fall On Your Fat....

On Monday, Belly informed us that he was looking for a motorcycle...a sportbike type.....

I'll let that one marinate for a minute...

Can you imagine all that ass on a Kawasaki????

IT'S A GIRL!!!!

No, I didn't give birth to anyone but it sure feels like I did.

My pregnant friend with the hollow leg who could be a championship eater FINALLY gave birth this weekend.

Friday afternoon her husband called and told me that they were leaving to go to the hospital..woo hoo, I thought, the baby should be here any time now. I made plans to go to the hospital IMMEDIATELY after work to see the birth of my "niece".
My co-worker who was in labor for 36 FUCKING HOURS told me to, in so many words, pump my brakes because it would be hours yet...whatever lady.

I went home and promptly fell asleep..'cause I'm a horrible auntie. I woke up around 10 pm and went to the hospital.... NO BABY YET.

I stayed until 2 am...NO BABY YET.

I went home, slept till 9 am, missed my water aerobics class 'cause I'm stupid (thought it started at 10), went to Joann's, came home, called the hospital and her husband told me that they had just broken her water and given her an epidural...I'm thinking: WOO HOO, BABY IN A MINUTE!!
I went to my part time job at around 2:30, called the hospital...NO BABY YET.
I goofed off , I mean worked hard for the next 4 hours.
I called the hospital AGAIN and her mother picks up the phone and screams: CAN'T TALK!! SHE'S TRYIN' TO PUSH!!!...*click*

Jees..finally!!! By the time I got there, miss thang had JUST popped out..The Other Half was already there..looking all scared and shit as if he'd been in the delivery room or something.
We tried to get him to hold the baby but he wouldn't..he said she was "too fragile"..sissy..hahaha

Anywhooo..Her name is Jillian and she's fabulous..in an alien, old man kinda way.

I'm sure all that'll pass in a week or two...won't it?

Woo Hoo OOO OOO

Ok, PRINCE is THE SHIT...

I had forgotten that he was..really I did. Until last night, that is.

I promise you, I want to be reincarnated as one of his backup dancers..dancing in the rain?? Wearing HIGH HEELED BOOTS??? That takes talent lemme tell ya.

So the song list went: (as I remembered it)

Let's Go Crazy
Proud Mary (My FAVORITE song in this whole world)
Baby I'm A Star (My second favorite song in this whole world)
The Best of You
PURPLE FREAKIN' RAIN - I swear, I alsmost pissed myself

I was thinking before the show started "There's NO WAY Prince is gonna get his weave wet in all that rain"...But he surpised me by taking his scarf off during Purple Rain..I was screaming and singing along like I was actually in the stadium...The Other Half fell asleep before halftime, (cuz he's an ass) and woke up giving me the "Are You COMPLETELY crazy?" look..

whateva, I had a good time...in my OWN damn living room.

Black Ice

There was a threat of an ice storm around here today. Since Belly lives out in the middle of fucking nowhere, he decided to stay home.

He was probably scared that his fat ass would slip on the ice and make a crater in his driveway..now THAT would be funny.

Remember I told you he has like 4000 kids? Well he tried to sound all big and bad on the phone yesterday by threatening his son. I guess his kid was fucking up at school and the teacher called Belly. Belly then called his house and his daughter "The Informer" picked up and wheezed and babbled on and on like she does..he, as usual, had to tell her to calm down and put her brother on the phone.

Belly: Have you bumped your head?
Boy: (I'm guessing) Huh?
Belly: Do you want ME to?
Boy: Fuck you, Fat Boy (OK, I'm using "artistic license" now)
So I guess the boy then dropped the phone on the floor and "The Informer" picks and starts to babble as usual..
Belly: Wait, what happened to your brother?? Our conversation was NOT over...you tell him to get back on the phone!!!! Huh?? You tell him: Wait till I get home!!!! (insert more babbling and wheezing here)
Belly: Uhhh, umm, OK..well, uh, I'll deal with him later...

He was extra pissed..it was SO funny..I just snickered quietly in my cube.
He tries to make us believe that he's "in charge" in his house, but we know the truth.
Back when I allowed him to call my house (long story), he was in the process of moving and he was trying to "direct" the children to help him..it was obvious that they couldn't have cared less..they were screaming and falling down the stairs and shit..no once listening to A THING he said...that included his wife, she seems to hate him(She had an Internet affair). I bet he moved that whole house by himself..pitiful

Isn't it sad when a man isn't even respected in his own house???

Admitting It Is Half The Battle...

We were talking about pants height in our daily bullshit session.
A couple of my co-workers tend to wear their pants right up around the chin area...oh the comedy.

Belly found it necessary to butt in and add that "he's the opposite because of his stomach". It was all I could do to not laugh in his ridiculous face.

TV Is Funny

Well Mr Honda got lucky today. I left the house late and missed him...good thing, I guess.

TV had me laughing last night.

American Idol had it's usual foolishness. Who let that broad in the pink fishnet top and the one in the Big Bird suit out of the house??? Some people just don't have that "fashion filter" in their brains....

The Knights Of Prosperity has got to be the funniest shit on TV..when they started singing Tom Sawyer by Rush, I thought I was going to piss myself!! That is such a "mullet wearer" song.

Dirt on FX is surprisingly good. I always thought Courtney Cox was kinda strange..I dunno, just a feeling but she's a good actress on that show.

Road Rage

To the ASSHAT FUCKHEAD driving the silver Honda Civic (what? Couldn't afford an Accord??) down Medlock Bridge Rd this morning, license AHU 7... who found it neccesary to repeatedly slam on brakes in front of me and then not let me pass in the other lane, swerved and nearly hit me AND the car in front of me, then when I got beside you, wouldn't look over as if you were all of a sudden a scared little chickenshit......

WAIT TILL TOMORROW MORNING ASSWIPE...I'LL HAVE "Something" FOR YOUR ASS!!

Yeah, I let you slide this morning because "I'm working on my anger issues" but tomorrow is another day.....