Belly informed us that over the weekend, he installed motion-sensored surveillance cameras INSIDE his house.
I know..WTF?
I asked him if it was because his kids were sneaking out at night and he said "No"..he didn't really offer much more than "after-school, latch-key issues".
My co-worker joked that it was because his Wife was sneaking out at night...Belly got really pissed off but of course WE laughed our asses off..must've hit a nerve!!
He's probably got some sort of weird shit going on in his house..He's already made it apparent that he likes to video us so...Me and the cube mates just made a pact to NEVER use the bathroom at his house..(as if we would EVER go over there).
My co-worker just reminded me of a time she and another co-worker met Belly's wife...fucking hilarious:
She said they were standing there chit-chatting and Belly's wife started talking about something and she started to trail..off..like..she..was..in..a..daze. The broad was actually staring into the ceiling like she was fascinated by something then ALL OF A SUDDEN!!, she literally "snapped" out of it, like God slapped her or something, then went back into lucid conversation.
My co-worker said it was all she could not to laugh OUT LOUD in her face.
They said it was the strangest thing they had ever witnessed...
I make her tell the story at least once a week, she acts it out and everything, just so I can come close to pissing myself..oh. the. comedy!!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
I Am Such A Rockstar
Friday I worked at the club again. This time it was for a Rockstar Energy Drink function. They showcased some "local" type bands. I was able to see only one of them, EchoValve. Here's their site.
They were pretty good. (and shut up!! - I DO know a little something about rock music)
The lead singer was cute...in an iron deficient, guyliner wearing kind of way, and he sang well.
I wanted to get some free samples..(cuz that's what I do). When I got to the booth, the guy tried to make me a Jager Bomb..uh, no ..I'm on the clock..he didn't seem to care so I had to INSIST on him not making me that damn drink..jees
I worked MY OTHER job the next day..pretty boring..no celebrities came through but I did get a bastard credit card thrower..as usual. I openly sarcastically laughed in his face..he had no clue what the problem was....asshole
Took my weave out on Saturday night at my friend's house. The Other Half said that was ghetto..whatever, stupid
Got the weave REdone on Sunday..ouch, my hair hurts, again.
They were pretty good. (and shut up!! - I DO know a little something about rock music)
The lead singer was cute...in an iron deficient, guyliner wearing kind of way, and he sang well.
I wanted to get some free samples..(cuz that's what I do). When I got to the booth, the guy tried to make me a Jager Bomb..uh, no ..I'm on the clock..he didn't seem to care so I had to INSIST on him not making me that damn drink..jees
I worked MY OTHER job the next day..pretty boring..no celebrities came through but I did get a bastard credit card thrower..as usual. I openly sarcastically laughed in his face..he had no clue what the problem was....asshole
Took my weave out on Saturday night at my friend's house. The Other Half said that was ghetto..whatever, stupid
Got the weave REdone on Sunday..ouch, my hair hurts, again.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The Last Straw..I Mean Fry
Ok people, I finally cussed him out......
Here I am, minding my OWN FUCKING BUSINESS when Belly decides to stand up and stare at me some more.
I wasn't feeling so hot so I got some fries from the cafeteria. I was just about to dig in when I heard the snot whistle. Great.
Then if that wasn't bad enough, he says (in the nastiest, porn tone) " God...those fries look goooood...really goooood"
I turned around and said:
"Will you PLEASE STOP staring at my damn food???!!!???"
He looked shocked, then embarassed. He tried to laugh it off (because everybody was looking at him) and say "Dang, I'm sorry..excuuuuuse me"
Fuck you Belly.
Later on, he tried to make small talk by reading us stupid online news stories.
Belly: WOW!! Look at this, they're making deep fried Pizza now
Everyone Else: *silence*
Belly: Eww, deep fried pizza, who would eat something like that?
Everyone Else: (Thinking) Your fat ass would...
Belly: I mean that just sounds gross, batter fried..blah blah blah fucking blah...
Everyone Else: (Thinking) Shut the hell up..now
He went on for about 10 minutes on how weird/gross deep fried pizza would be and how he "just couldn't imagine eating something like that"
I'm going to punch him in his throat tomorrow..I really am.
Here I am, minding my OWN FUCKING BUSINESS when Belly decides to stand up and stare at me some more.
I wasn't feeling so hot so I got some fries from the cafeteria. I was just about to dig in when I heard the snot whistle. Great.
Then if that wasn't bad enough, he says (in the nastiest, porn tone) " God...those fries look goooood...really goooood"
I turned around and said:
"Will you PLEASE STOP staring at my damn food???!!!???"
He looked shocked, then embarassed. He tried to laugh it off (because everybody was looking at him) and say "Dang, I'm sorry..excuuuuuse me"
Fuck you Belly.
Later on, he tried to make small talk by reading us stupid online news stories.
Belly: WOW!! Look at this, they're making deep fried Pizza now
Everyone Else: *silence*
Belly: Eww, deep fried pizza, who would eat something like that?
Everyone Else: (Thinking) Your fat ass would...
Belly: I mean that just sounds gross, batter fried..blah blah blah fucking blah...
Everyone Else: (Thinking) Shut the hell up..now
He went on for about 10 minutes on how weird/gross deep fried pizza would be and how he "just couldn't imagine eating something like that"
I'm going to punch him in his throat tomorrow..I really am.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Such A Nerd....
It's amazing how Belly lies.
Me and Sweetie were having a discussion about a caller who admitted that his child broke his PDA. We started talking about things that we broke as children WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, Belly butts in and says: "When I was little I took a train transformer THEN I put in in a metal bowl,THEN I put a live cricket in the bowl so I could test the polarity of blah blah fuckin' blah....."
What in the fuck is he talking about?
I can just imagine his little fat, nerdy, coke bottle glasses wearing ass reading Popular Science and picking his nose.
I'm going to maim him soon...really I am.
A Whole New World
We recently had some cubicle changes and now we have a couple of new cube mates. Unfortunately, I was not set to move and neither was Belly, why does the universe curse me in this way?
Anywhoo... For the past week, each morning when I come in, I notice that our new cube mate - We'll call her Sweetie - has "a look" on her face.
A look that I can only describe as "strained" and somewhat angry. I asked her what was wrong and she said:
THAT FUCKER IS GETTING ON MY NERVES!!!
I'm sure you can imagine what fucker she is referring to.
It seems that Sweetie made the mistake of saying "Hello" and "How's your day" a couple of times and now Belly thinks he has a new friend. I did my best not to laugh at her..poor thing, I wonder how long it will be before SHE starts a "Belly Blog".
Anywhoo... For the past week, each morning when I come in, I notice that our new cube mate - We'll call her Sweetie - has "a look" on her face.
A look that I can only describe as "strained" and somewhat angry. I asked her what was wrong and she said:
THAT FUCKER IS GETTING ON MY NERVES!!!
I'm sure you can imagine what fucker she is referring to.
It seems that Sweetie made the mistake of saying "Hello" and "How's your day" a couple of times and now Belly thinks he has a new friend. I did my best not to laugh at her..poor thing, I wonder how long it will be before SHE starts a "Belly Blog".
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Damn You Sesame Street!!
Belly has taken to saying everything in The Count from Sesame Street's accent. He even counted to 4 earlier just like The Count.
I know.....WTF??
I'm going to search his cubicle for a crack pipe this afternoon.
Here I was thinking that those white crumbs on his desk were from muffins, they were obviously crack rocks.
I know.....WTF??
I'm going to search his cubicle for a crack pipe this afternoon.
Here I was thinking that those white crumbs on his desk were from muffins, they were obviously crack rocks.
My Brown Bretheren
On Friday I worked at the club again. This time the show was for Hombres G.
I have 8 words for you:
I should have taken Spanish in High School
Everybody that came up to the window asked me something in spanish. Thank god the promoter had an employee in the booth with me. One guy, after paying for his ticket, looked at me and said something that, from the look on his face, sounded dirty. I immediately launched into telling him to "fuck off" when the poor girl sitting next to me quietly explained that he was "just asking where the line started".
Ooops, My Bad
Here I am about to start an International Incident.
Speaking of incidents:
This weekend, with the help of FreeTranslation.com I left the following note on my neigbor's truck:
No estacione aqui. Estacione delante de su propio hogar. Llamare la oficina a tener su camion remolcado.
Loosely translated this means: Stop parking in my fucking parking space, asshole.
I watched the parking lot ALL DAY to see if he got the note..he did..he balled up the first one and threw it in the bushes.
But wait!! He didn't see the one on his windshield! (insert evil laught here)
He jumped out of his truck, snatched it off the windshield then got back in his truck and wrote the following note:
El pazqueo no es privado, es libre.
Yo me estaciono donde yo quiero. No me deses notas. Dimelo de trente (sp?) si me conoces.
Loosely translated this means: Bitch, are you nuts? I'll park wherever the hell I want to and if you don't like it, step to me.
Well I'll be damned...I IMMEDIATELY called the office and told him that he threatened me, yes a lie in so many words, but he's an asshole.
The manager claimed taht she would speak to him about it...later in the afternoon the fucker parked IN THE SAME EXACT space...ok, I see how it is.
Well Karma Is A Bitch - Some kids were playing in the parking lot (This is the semi ghetto ya know) and they started fighting, all of a sudden...THUD!!! Right into the fender of his truck...His alarm went of for five minutes and I laughed for at least four of them.
hahahahahahahahaha......ahhhhhahahahahahahaha!!!
Needless to say, later that night, that fucker's truck was moved into a different space..far away from mine.
I still half expect him to slash my tires..who knows.
I have 8 words for you:
I should have taken Spanish in High School
Everybody that came up to the window asked me something in spanish. Thank god the promoter had an employee in the booth with me. One guy, after paying for his ticket, looked at me and said something that, from the look on his face, sounded dirty. I immediately launched into telling him to "fuck off" when the poor girl sitting next to me quietly explained that he was "just asking where the line started".
Ooops, My Bad
Here I am about to start an International Incident.
Speaking of incidents:
This weekend, with the help of FreeTranslation.com I left the following note on my neigbor's truck:
No estacione aqui. Estacione delante de su propio hogar. Llamare la oficina a tener su camion remolcado.
Loosely translated this means: Stop parking in my fucking parking space, asshole.
I watched the parking lot ALL DAY to see if he got the note..he did..he balled up the first one and threw it in the bushes.
But wait!! He didn't see the one on his windshield! (insert evil laught here)
He jumped out of his truck, snatched it off the windshield then got back in his truck and wrote the following note:
El pazqueo no es privado, es libre.
Yo me estaciono donde yo quiero. No me deses notas. Dimelo de trente (sp?) si me conoces.
Loosely translated this means: Bitch, are you nuts? I'll park wherever the hell I want to and if you don't like it, step to me.
Well I'll be damned...I IMMEDIATELY called the office and told him that he threatened me, yes a lie in so many words, but he's an asshole.
The manager claimed taht she would speak to him about it...later in the afternoon the fucker parked IN THE SAME EXACT space...ok, I see how it is.
Well Karma Is A Bitch - Some kids were playing in the parking lot (This is the semi ghetto ya know) and they started fighting, all of a sudden...THUD!!! Right into the fender of his truck...His alarm went of for five minutes and I laughed for at least four of them.
hahahahahahahahaha......ahhhhhahahahahahahaha!!!
Needless to say, later that night, that fucker's truck was moved into a different space..far away from mine.
I still half expect him to slash my tires..who knows.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Really, Sit Your Ass Down
In yet ANOTHER attempt to get me to look at him:
I was sitting there minding my own business when Belly stands up and says (to no one in particular) "My arms hurt"..I ignored him as usual but he started to grunt and moan from his so-called pain.
I finally was forced to ask him why his arms hurt even though I suspected it was from jacking off excessively (eww, I betcha he can't even reach it).
He claimed it was from lifting monitors all day (some jackass put him in charge of workstation relocations) and then he launched into some sort of instructional presentation of how monitors are lifted. He kept saying:
Look Look Look Look..finally I looked at him and he was doing some stupid "double arm curl", trying to show me his fat-ceps. I barely looked at him but he still continued. I was half waiting for him to kiss each fat-cep..but I'm sure his chunky neck would not allow for that to happen.
If ya wanna hear Belly's laugh, YOU JUST GOTTA watch this video of the Big Lots SpokesElf contest, click on the first elf's video and you will hear the hell I have to put up with ALL DAY.
I was sitting there minding my own business when Belly stands up and says (to no one in particular) "My arms hurt"..I ignored him as usual but he started to grunt and moan from his so-called pain.
I finally was forced to ask him why his arms hurt even though I suspected it was from jacking off excessively (eww, I betcha he can't even reach it).
He claimed it was from lifting monitors all day (some jackass put him in charge of workstation relocations) and then he launched into some sort of instructional presentation of how monitors are lifted. He kept saying:
Look Look Look Look..finally I looked at him and he was doing some stupid "double arm curl", trying to show me his fat-ceps. I barely looked at him but he still continued. I was half waiting for him to kiss each fat-cep..but I'm sure his chunky neck would not allow for that to happen.
If ya wanna hear Belly's laugh, YOU JUST GOTTA watch this video of the Big Lots SpokesElf contest, click on the first elf's video and you will hear the hell I have to put up with ALL DAY.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Damn Halloween, Damn Kids, DAMN CAR!!
[There were supposed to be some pics here but as usual, Blogger is trippin']
I 'm sitting here attempting to Relax, Relate and Release as Whitley would say.
Last night after blazing home at 200 miles an hour, flinging fabulous decorations across my shitty doorway and making sure my costume was STILL looking good:
10 fucking kids came to the door...
yes, in 4 hours we only had 10 damn kids...and some of them were rude.
One child just stood there looking at me, looking at her. She finally said "trick or treat" and I reluctantly gave her candy..little heffa
After giving a different little girl THREE pieces of really good candy, she stood there looking at me, looking at the bowl, back to me, as if to say: "look bitch, you've got a HUGE fucking bowl of candy and we both know no one else is coming..gimme more candy ho!!"
I gave her the "head jerk" that said "move along little devil spawn" and I swear I heard her snap her teeth. I should have pushed her down the stairs..but that would have been wrong huh?
Some teenagers came by around 8:45. The "young man" with them had a beard thicker than Belly's!! I gave him candy anyway....what?? he had a bag and everything!
Most of the kids were very nice though. They complimented my decorations AND my faboo costume. Of course some of looked at me as if they were wondering: "What in the hell is she wearing?" but I still love the kids.
Cut to this morning:
Remember my fabulous car? Well it showed me JUST how fabulous it was today by letting one of it's brake calipers FALL OFF.
Yes I said it fell off, thus causing a $600 rim to grind to a halt in front of McDonald's this morning.
I got on the phone immediately and called The Other Half and Emergency Roadside.
So I'm just sitting there ..waiting...when and all of a sudden here comes the Sherriff...what the hell could she want???
I explained that the car would not move forward..she asked me if I could move it..I EXPLAINED AGAIN that the car would not move forward no matter how hard I gunned the engine in Drive...She told me that she HAD to call a tow truck and that I HAD to move my vehicle from the road-way...I EXPLAINED AGAIN that I already had a tow truck on the way..she just looked at me and then got on her cell phone..whoever it was on the phone told her to PUSH my car out of the way with her car..WTF??...She then proceeded to do as such...Oh.My.God.
As the big dyke cop lady pushed my car with her big as batter-ram bumper, the grinding of my $600 rim continued..after she was able to push my poor car out of the way, SHE SPED OFF with lights and sirens blaring!!....I basically just stood there in shock.
Again, WTF??
The Other Half then showed up and removed the tire (not before grilling me on "what it was that I did")
He did the customary male "stand back and look at it" move and just looked at me. I left the ratchet set in my bedroom (don't ask) so I had NO TOOLS.
The Other Half decided to go to the tire shop and ask for a wrench or something. He was met by a bunch of Good Ole Boys who wouldn't give him shit.
Meanwhile back at McDonald's...
The tow truck driver came..he smelled like weed
He took me to the brake place up the road...the mechanic looked like he was:
A. High
B. Just woke up
C. Not at all interested in what the hell I was saying
I had to leave it there since they were "busy". When I pulled up one of the guys was welding something onto one of the cars..WTF??
Anyway, before I left my baby, I threw the name of my company around a WHOLE lot..I guess it was an attempt to scare them into NOT screwing me over..didn't work, they charged me 45 damn dollars to tighten a bolt that they then charged me $2.50 for..jeesssuuuussss!!!
There goes my crack money..oh well
The Other Half got me to work only about an hour late..poor thing has a bad cold so he went home to sleep..I should have went with him, stupid me.
Did I tell you that Belly insisted on taking me to pick my car up later in the afternoon??? Yeck...I tried to get out of it but he wouldn't leave it alone add to it the fact that my cube mates kept "co-signing" ( I'll kill THOSE bitches later). Resistance was futile.
If I could have taken a picture of what he looked like in the car...oh.my.god.
God forbid he ever gets in an accident, nothing but guts all over the place..although his stomach would make a wonderful airbag of sorts. He was basically in a horizontal position. I'm not sure how we got there in one piece.
Don't even get me started on him putting his seatbelt on..it was all I could do to not fall into a heap, laughing.
I was trying to wait to put mine on 'cuz lord knows I didn't want another touching incident, but he was struggling for so long, I finally put mine on..no touching happened... thank ya jesus.
When we got there, he was trying to be all gentlemanly by saying "You sure you don't need me to go in there and crack some heads?"...uh, no..now go away..quickly.
I forgot to mention that when my car first broke down this morning, he somehow got my cell phone number (those damn co-workers) and called saying:
Belly: You need me to come down there?
Me: No, I'll be fine, The Other Half is on his way..in like five minutes and I already called a tow
Belly: You sure?
Me: Absolutely sure
Belly: You sure? 'cuz I could be there in like 5 seconds blah blah blah fucking blah
Me: NO REALLY, I'M OK!!
Belly: Okay..I was just checking 'cuz blah blah blah
I'm standing there wondering what on earth I did to deserve this fresh hell and was "saved" by the crazy sherriff lady with the big hat. I said a quick "cops are here, b...." (yeah I didn't even give him a full "bye" before jamming the END button).
I guess I should be thankful that I had a ride to pick up the car but believe me when I say: I WOULD RATHER HAVE WALKED 30 MILES in the snow..
uphill..
both ways..
with a hole in my sock
AND a rock in my shoe.
I 'm sitting here attempting to Relax, Relate and Release as Whitley would say.
Last night after blazing home at 200 miles an hour, flinging fabulous decorations across my shitty doorway and making sure my costume was STILL looking good:
10 fucking kids came to the door...
yes, in 4 hours we only had 10 damn kids...and some of them were rude.
One child just stood there looking at me, looking at her. She finally said "trick or treat" and I reluctantly gave her candy..little heffa
After giving a different little girl THREE pieces of really good candy, she stood there looking at me, looking at the bowl, back to me, as if to say: "look bitch, you've got a HUGE fucking bowl of candy and we both know no one else is coming..gimme more candy ho!!"
I gave her the "head jerk" that said "move along little devil spawn" and I swear I heard her snap her teeth. I should have pushed her down the stairs..but that would have been wrong huh?
Some teenagers came by around 8:45. The "young man" with them had a beard thicker than Belly's!! I gave him candy anyway....what?? he had a bag and everything!
Most of the kids were very nice though. They complimented my decorations AND my faboo costume. Of course some of looked at me as if they were wondering: "What in the hell is she wearing?" but I still love the kids.
Cut to this morning:
Remember my fabulous car? Well it showed me JUST how fabulous it was today by letting one of it's brake calipers FALL OFF.
Yes I said it fell off, thus causing a $600 rim to grind to a halt in front of McDonald's this morning.
I got on the phone immediately and called The Other Half and Emergency Roadside.
So I'm just sitting there ..waiting...when and all of a sudden here comes the Sherriff...what the hell could she want???
I explained that the car would not move forward..she asked me if I could move it..I EXPLAINED AGAIN that the car would not move forward no matter how hard I gunned the engine in Drive...She told me that she HAD to call a tow truck and that I HAD to move my vehicle from the road-way...I EXPLAINED AGAIN that I already had a tow truck on the way..she just looked at me and then got on her cell phone..whoever it was on the phone told her to PUSH my car out of the way with her car..WTF??...She then proceeded to do as such...Oh.My.God.
As the big dyke cop lady pushed my car with her big as batter-ram bumper, the grinding of my $600 rim continued..after she was able to push my poor car out of the way, SHE SPED OFF with lights and sirens blaring!!....I basically just stood there in shock.
Again, WTF??
The Other Half then showed up and removed the tire (not before grilling me on "what it was that I did")
He did the customary male "stand back and look at it" move and just looked at me. I left the ratchet set in my bedroom (don't ask) so I had NO TOOLS.
The Other Half decided to go to the tire shop and ask for a wrench or something. He was met by a bunch of Good Ole Boys who wouldn't give him shit.
Meanwhile back at McDonald's...
The tow truck driver came..he smelled like weed
He took me to the brake place up the road...the mechanic looked like he was:
A. High
B. Just woke up
C. Not at all interested in what the hell I was saying
I had to leave it there since they were "busy". When I pulled up one of the guys was welding something onto one of the cars..WTF??
Anyway, before I left my baby, I threw the name of my company around a WHOLE lot..I guess it was an attempt to scare them into NOT screwing me over..didn't work, they charged me 45 damn dollars to tighten a bolt that they then charged me $2.50 for..jeesssuuuussss!!!
There goes my crack money..oh well
The Other Half got me to work only about an hour late..poor thing has a bad cold so he went home to sleep..I should have went with him, stupid me.
Did I tell you that Belly insisted on taking me to pick my car up later in the afternoon??? Yeck...I tried to get out of it but he wouldn't leave it alone add to it the fact that my cube mates kept "co-signing" ( I'll kill THOSE bitches later). Resistance was futile.
If I could have taken a picture of what he looked like in the car...oh.my.god.
God forbid he ever gets in an accident, nothing but guts all over the place..although his stomach would make a wonderful airbag of sorts. He was basically in a horizontal position. I'm not sure how we got there in one piece.
Don't even get me started on him putting his seatbelt on..it was all I could do to not fall into a heap, laughing.
I was trying to wait to put mine on 'cuz lord knows I didn't want another touching incident, but he was struggling for so long, I finally put mine on..no touching happened... thank ya jesus.
When we got there, he was trying to be all gentlemanly by saying "You sure you don't need me to go in there and crack some heads?"...uh, no..now go away..quickly.
I forgot to mention that when my car first broke down this morning, he somehow got my cell phone number (those damn co-workers) and called saying:
Belly: You need me to come down there?
Me: No, I'll be fine, The Other Half is on his way..in like five minutes and I already called a tow
Belly: You sure?
Me: Absolutely sure
Belly: You sure? 'cuz I could be there in like 5 seconds blah blah blah fucking blah
Me: NO REALLY, I'M OK!!
Belly: Okay..I was just checking 'cuz blah blah blah
I'm standing there wondering what on earth I did to deserve this fresh hell and was "saved" by the crazy sherriff lady with the big hat. I said a quick "cops are here, b...." (yeah I didn't even give him a full "bye" before jamming the END button).
I guess I should be thankful that I had a ride to pick up the car but believe me when I say: I WOULD RATHER HAVE WALKED 30 MILES in the snow..
uphill..
both ways..
with a hole in my sock
AND a rock in my shoe.
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