Did you watch that bullshit, The Flavor Of Love reunion on Sunday night???
It was so "staged" and the editing was so bad that I thought I was watching an infommercial!!!
I kept waiting for the audience to scream out: SET IT.....AND FORGET IT!!!
That being said..I guess it's my fault for getting caught up. I really did cheer for "Deelishis". If I had a body like that (flat stomach, huge ass, tall like an Amazon), I would NEVER work another day in my life!! Everytime I needed rent or a car payment, I'd just bend over and shake "ass-fairy" dust in The Other Half's face..Presto!! Bills Paid.
What??, what is everybody upset about?? Don't act like you haven't "used your feminine ways" to get what you want. You too Orhan..but in a male way, of course..hahahaha
My feminine ways USED to work with my boyfriend..we've been together 8 years..so he's hip to my shit.
Now I just tell him, point blank, what to do..poor us
Anyhooo...
I absolutely LOVED the part where the host, La La got pissed off when Buckwyld threw a shoe at New York and it almost hit her (La La) in the head. She said "if another shoe comes this way, it's going to be a motherfuckin' problem". I love when bougie girls let their "ghetto" out..it's so hilarious
Monday, October 30, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Now Was THAT Necessary?? Some Rich People Suck.
On the weekends, I sometimes work a part-time retail job in a very ritzy frou frou mall.
I love this job because I get a 40% discount on everything and I get free shoes 4 times a year (Woo Hoo!!).
I've noticed a pattern however that I just don't "get". Whenever an older, White gentlemen comes up to the counter to pay for his items, I ring it all up, give him total and HE THROWS/FLINGS his credit card or money across the fucking counter!!! Now don't tell me I'm being hyper-sensitive, 'cause at one point I told myself the same thing so I watched this phenonenon VERY closely for a whole month...98 out of 100 or so older, white gentlemen THREW their damn credit cards or money at me...
So. Fucking. Rude.
Also, they people that shop there are so nasty to us sometimes, I guess they're used to having servants or something. I've taken to giving it like I get it, if you throw shit at me, I'm throwing it back at you. This always gets the "dirty look" reaction and it makes me laugh..ahahahahaha
There is one exception though: Every few weeks this GOE-JUS couple comes in and buys about $2000 worth of work-out clothes and they have NEVER been nasty to any of us. They always say please and thank you..like anyone with "home training" would. I want them to adopt me..would that be weird?
Probably so.
On a side note..Why do the mannequins have to have erect nipples???? I always feel dirty when I have to change their shirts..eww
I love this job because I get a 40% discount on everything and I get free shoes 4 times a year (Woo Hoo!!).
I've noticed a pattern however that I just don't "get". Whenever an older, White gentlemen comes up to the counter to pay for his items, I ring it all up, give him total and HE THROWS/FLINGS his credit card or money across the fucking counter!!! Now don't tell me I'm being hyper-sensitive, 'cause at one point I told myself the same thing so I watched this phenonenon VERY closely for a whole month...98 out of 100 or so older, white gentlemen THREW their damn credit cards or money at me...
So. Fucking. Rude.
Also, they people that shop there are so nasty to us sometimes, I guess they're used to having servants or something. I've taken to giving it like I get it, if you throw shit at me, I'm throwing it back at you. This always gets the "dirty look" reaction and it makes me laugh..ahahahahaha
There is one exception though: Every few weeks this GOE-JUS couple comes in and buys about $2000 worth of work-out clothes and they have NEVER been nasty to any of us. They always say please and thank you..like anyone with "home training" would. I want them to adopt me..would that be weird?
Probably so.
On a side note..Why do the mannequins have to have erect nipples???? I always feel dirty when I have to change their shirts..eww
Friday, October 27, 2006
Beyonce Is Brilliant..did I just type that out loud??
I have a new favorite song:
Title: Irreplaceable
The Chorus
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute
This song is fucking hilarious....
Here's some more lyrics:
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it ni**a please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
I'm going to file this under:
SHIT TO START AN ARGUMENT WITH
Just in case The Other Half gets out of pocket.
Title: Irreplaceable
The Chorus
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute
This song is fucking hilarious....
Here's some more lyrics:
To the left
To the left
To the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that's my stuff - Yes
If I bought it ni**a please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
I'm going to file this under:
SHIT TO START AN ARGUMENT WITH
Just in case The Other Half gets out of pocket.
I Wonder....
Belly's not here today to eyeball my screen..WOO fucking HOOO!!
Yesterday after I confronted him, he emphatically claimed that he had not been spying on me..yeah right.
He tried to be nice to me for the rest of the day, made my skin crawl. He insisted that I look directly at him for some bullshit he was talkin about..I can't even recall what bullshit it was. As I was forcing myself to look at him, all I could think of was what kind of germs and sickness is caught up in that overgrown beard of his..eww
I can't get over his wide-eyed glare either..it doesn't help that his thick ass glasses are round. I guess he's going for a round theme overall: Round belly, fat, round bald head, big round eyes..etc, etc
Anyway, I wonder if he actually DID see the blog. My co-worker said that if he did, we would have known by now since I say "really hateful" things about him according to her. She of course laughs OUT LOUD at these "really hateful" things though.
I keep imagining that he's hiding his anger until a later date. One day I told him that he seemed like the type that would flip the fuck out and shoot everybody in the office with a sniper rifle.
He got all flustered and mad like I insulted him (??) He claimed that with his home life, he could "take" anything.
I'll admit, his home life IS pretty fucked up. His wife (who's semi retarded according to him) refuses to take care of their 1400 kids and steals money and credit card numbers from him while he's sleeping. (She's obviously not THAT retarded) He continues to stay "for the kids sake"..ok..whatever ya big dummy.
More on his wife later..there's too much to tell for one post.
Anywhooooo.
There was a food day today..thank god he wasn't here..the table would have been cleared!! Atkins Diet, My ASS!!
Yesterday after I confronted him, he emphatically claimed that he had not been spying on me..yeah right.
He tried to be nice to me for the rest of the day, made my skin crawl. He insisted that I look directly at him for some bullshit he was talkin about..I can't even recall what bullshit it was. As I was forcing myself to look at him, all I could think of was what kind of germs and sickness is caught up in that overgrown beard of his..eww
I can't get over his wide-eyed glare either..it doesn't help that his thick ass glasses are round. I guess he's going for a round theme overall: Round belly, fat, round bald head, big round eyes..etc, etc
Anyway, I wonder if he actually DID see the blog. My co-worker said that if he did, we would have known by now since I say "really hateful" things about him according to her. She of course laughs OUT LOUD at these "really hateful" things though.
I keep imagining that he's hiding his anger until a later date. One day I told him that he seemed like the type that would flip the fuck out and shoot everybody in the office with a sniper rifle.
He got all flustered and mad like I insulted him (??) He claimed that with his home life, he could "take" anything.
I'll admit, his home life IS pretty fucked up. His wife (who's semi retarded according to him) refuses to take care of their 1400 kids and steals money and credit card numbers from him while he's sleeping. (She's obviously not THAT retarded) He continues to stay "for the kids sake"..ok..whatever ya big dummy.
More on his wife later..there's too much to tell for one post.
Anywhooooo.
There was a food day today..thank god he wasn't here..the table would have been cleared!! Atkins Diet, My ASS!!
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Keep the Party Goin'
Okay, maybe I dodged a big fat bullet. (When I first wrote this, that brilliant pun was not intended)
I confronted Belly about how he knew I had a blog and he said:
"I just kinda saw it on your screen and I wanted to try and help you out"
Huh?
He's a liar and a spy..wanna know HOW I know?? Well when I DO have Blogger open, It's in a really small box at the far bottom of my screen about 3 inches wide!!
I told him that while I appreciated his "concern", I would rather that he NOT look at my screen or nose around in my area. I should have added: "And stop staring at my tits" but I didn't.
Last night I attempted to create a new blog but Blogger went down for like an hour..shit shit shit!!
I think it was a sign.
Sorry I panicked.....
I confronted Belly about how he knew I had a blog and he said:
"I just kinda saw it on your screen and I wanted to try and help you out"
Huh?
He's a liar and a spy..wanna know HOW I know?? Well when I DO have Blogger open, It's in a really small box at the far bottom of my screen about 3 inches wide!!
I told him that while I appreciated his "concern", I would rather that he NOT look at my screen or nose around in my area. I should have added: "And stop staring at my tits" but I didn't.
Last night I attempted to create a new blog but Blogger went down for like an hour..shit shit shit!!
I think it was a sign.
Sorry I panicked.....
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
MY LAST POST...HERE..Maybe
FUCK FUCK FUCKETY FUCK!!
"You know who" was invading the privacy of my cubicle again today and he caught me Blogging. I'm not sure how long he had been eyeballin' my screen or exactly what he saw but He had the nerve to chastise me and tell me about our company's "blogging" code of conduct policy!! Excuse me??
He then went on to tell me a story of how, in his previous role in the company, he had to compile info on someone who was blogging and then how he reported all of it to the person's manager..I guess they were fired because of his "investigation". I didn't bother to listen to the rest of the story, I was deaf from pissivity.
I was considering deleting this blog and creating another one..under a different name..in a different language.. I even emailed some of my commenters and told them "It was over"
BUT part of me says:
FUCK THAT!! IF YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEBODY..STAND IN YOUR TRUTH AND SAY "SO THE FUCK WHAT"
And besides that, I only speak english..and not very well most times.
But the other part of me doesn't trust his sneaky ass (yes, if you are reading this, I mean YOU Thickums BigButt). He might run and tell management that I was mean to and had been saying mean things about him. I do still need a job, unfortunately.
As I'm typing this (from home) my rebellious side is telling him to mind his own business and that if he thinks he can "screw" me, I can "screw" him worse.
I've calmed down a little since I got home.
The reality that he would find my blog has always been in the back of my mind. I never really answered my own question of: What if someone found out that you blogged about them..and they weren't happy??
"You know who" was invading the privacy of my cubicle again today and he caught me Blogging. I'm not sure how long he had been eyeballin' my screen or exactly what he saw but He had the nerve to chastise me and tell me about our company's "blogging" code of conduct policy!! Excuse me??
He then went on to tell me a story of how, in his previous role in the company, he had to compile info on someone who was blogging and then how he reported all of it to the person's manager..I guess they were fired because of his "investigation". I didn't bother to listen to the rest of the story, I was deaf from pissivity.
I was considering deleting this blog and creating another one..under a different name..in a different language.. I even emailed some of my commenters and told them "It was over"
BUT part of me says:
FUCK THAT!! IF YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEBODY..STAND IN YOUR TRUTH AND SAY "SO THE FUCK WHAT"
And besides that, I only speak english..and not very well most times.
But the other part of me doesn't trust his sneaky ass (yes, if you are reading this, I mean YOU Thickums BigButt). He might run and tell management that I was mean to and had been saying mean things about him. I do still need a job, unfortunately.
As I'm typing this (from home) my rebellious side is telling him to mind his own business and that if he thinks he can "screw" me, I can "screw" him worse.
I've calmed down a little since I got home.
The reality that he would find my blog has always been in the back of my mind. I never really answered my own question of: What if someone found out that you blogged about them..and they weren't happy??
Hey..Hey..Hey..Hey..
If that bastard Belly calls ONE MORE PERSON "Hey"..I'm going to kick his ass.
The last time I checked my birth certificate, My mother did not name me "Hey" or for that matter, "Hey You".
I sat and watched him say Hey to my co-worker 4 times in a row. It was obvious my co-worker was ignoring his ass like I do...yaaay co-worker!!
And another thing..stop sucking..the drink is EMPTY..what are you..five years old?????
He annoyed a whole new cube mate today. We were all sitting there..minding our own business when all of a sudden we hear a high pitched whistle as if Belly was saying "wow"..a few seconds go by and he does it again..few more seconds..MORE whistling followed by a "Whoo!!".
Finally the cube mate was FORCED to take the bait:
Cube Mate: OK!! WHAT are you whistling at!!??!!
Belly: Oh I was looking at this website and..blah blah blah..fucking blah blah
I'm so glad that it's not JUST me that he irks.
He felt the need to oggle my food again...As soon as I sat down he says:
Hmmmmm, what's for lunch???? I mumbled something and he made this whimpering sound..(??) My lunch must have looked SOOO good because He said that he was going to cheat on his diet this weekend....glad I could help.
The last time I checked my birth certificate, My mother did not name me "Hey" or for that matter, "Hey You".
I sat and watched him say Hey to my co-worker 4 times in a row. It was obvious my co-worker was ignoring his ass like I do...yaaay co-worker!!
And another thing..stop sucking..the drink is EMPTY..what are you..five years old?????
He annoyed a whole new cube mate today. We were all sitting there..minding our own business when all of a sudden we hear a high pitched whistle as if Belly was saying "wow"..a few seconds go by and he does it again..few more seconds..MORE whistling followed by a "Whoo!!".
Finally the cube mate was FORCED to take the bait:
Cube Mate: OK!! WHAT are you whistling at!!??!!
Belly: Oh I was looking at this website and..blah blah blah..fucking blah blah
I'm so glad that it's not JUST me that he irks.
He felt the need to oggle my food again...As soon as I sat down he says:
Hmmmmm, what's for lunch???? I mumbled something and he made this whimpering sound..(??) My lunch must have looked SOOO good because He said that he was going to cheat on his diet this weekend....glad I could help.
No More Vodka On Weekdays
A friend of The Other Half's invited us to a party last night...I was sleepy and hungry but I wanted to spend time with the boyfriend so I put on my best pointy toed boots...
His friend is the CEO of Gilyard Clothing. The party was at The Warren City Club - oh my jesus, that place is fabulous. It's a private club with a NY loft feel..very sexy.
There was a nice mix of people there, Hip Hop, Neo Soul, Business suit types..etc
The party was sponsered by Belvedere Vodka so:
The DRINKS WERE FREE!! and SO WAS THE FOOD!! Always a recipe for a good time in my book.
I met the CEO's assistant, who The Other Half talks about all the time..because of her, he gets free clothes..a winner in his book. He acts like he has a crush on her or something, and once I met her, hell, I think even I have a damn crush on her. She really cool people so I must kill her. But wait, she thought my weave was my real hair..so she can live a little longer.
And the DJ even had the nerve to play some of my favorite songs:
Everything She Wants - George Michael (Damn, I used to love him. Back before he was turning tricks for truckers)
Holiday - Madonna (I swear, I'm walking down the aisle to this)
Anything - SWV (Ok, I changed my mind, THIS is the song I'm walking down the aisle to..only the remix though - My mom would probably slap my skin off)
So we danced and drank the night away..but we both felt it in the morning dammit..we're old and tired...it's sad
His friend is the CEO of Gilyard Clothing. The party was at The Warren City Club - oh my jesus, that place is fabulous. It's a private club with a NY loft feel..very sexy.
There was a nice mix of people there, Hip Hop, Neo Soul, Business suit types..etc
The party was sponsered by Belvedere Vodka so:
The DRINKS WERE FREE!! and SO WAS THE FOOD!! Always a recipe for a good time in my book.
I met the CEO's assistant, who The Other Half talks about all the time..because of her, he gets free clothes..a winner in his book. He acts like he has a crush on her or something, and once I met her, hell, I think even I have a damn crush on her. She really cool people so I must kill her. But wait, she thought my weave was my real hair..so she can live a little longer.
And the DJ even had the nerve to play some of my favorite songs:
Everything She Wants - George Michael (Damn, I used to love him. Back before he was turning tricks for truckers)
Holiday - Madonna (I swear, I'm walking down the aisle to this)
Anything - SWV (Ok, I changed my mind, THIS is the song I'm walking down the aisle to..only the remix though - My mom would probably slap my skin off)
So we danced and drank the night away..but we both felt it in the morning dammit..we're old and tired...it's sad
Damn Blogger
Damn Blogger lost my last post...don't worry, it wasn't about much except:
Belly tried to "discreetly" point that fucking thing at me again, I gave him a mean, shitty look and he sat his fat ass down.
A couple of minutes after that, his Blackberry rang..the ringtone was one of the 700 songs he theifed from my home computer when he tried to "fix" it once. He ended up fucking it up with a bootleg version of Windows XP. Me and The Other Half had to spend over $200 buying new software AND a hard drive. Thanks, Belly.....bastard!
Picture this:
Because of Belly's gut, the back of his chair has to be set back so far that it looks like he's laying down..nice Barcalounger big boy..hahahahaha
Whenever he's gone and people come by to chat with me, they make the mistake of pulling his chair up...they ALWAYS have this "WTF" look on their faces..it's heeeelarious, at least to me.
Belly tried to "discreetly" point that fucking thing at me again, I gave him a mean, shitty look and he sat his fat ass down.
A couple of minutes after that, his Blackberry rang..the ringtone was one of the 700 songs he theifed from my home computer when he tried to "fix" it once. He ended up fucking it up with a bootleg version of Windows XP. Me and The Other Half had to spend over $200 buying new software AND a hard drive. Thanks, Belly.....bastard!
Picture this:
Because of Belly's gut, the back of his chair has to be set back so far that it looks like he's laying down..nice Barcalounger big boy..hahahahaha
Whenever he's gone and people come by to chat with me, they make the mistake of pulling his chair up...they ALWAYS have this "WTF" look on their faces..it's heeeelarious, at least to me.
Friday, October 20, 2006
The Spy Who Loved Me..Yekk..Gag
Ok, yesterday, Belly was standing around in the middle of the walkway..man-giggling and shootin the shit. (aka - getting on EVERYBODY'S nerves).
He had his raggedy little Blackberry and he wanted to take a picture of my female cube mate..she immediately covered her face and screamed NOOO!!! Me and the others laughed and I made jokes about her being on the run, America's Most Wanted etc, etc..ha ha ho ho..joke over.
Belly continued to hover over her desk while she tried to get her work done. He was making his usual lame ass attempt to make conversation with her, "playing" with his Crackberry while he chatted.
I was on the phone during this exchange, but out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that he was OBVIOUSLY pointing that fucking thing at me, but was trying to make it look like he was still "playing" with it and "chatting" with my co-worker.
CUT TO TODAY...
Belly was out of the office today (thank ya Jesus). Near the end of our shift me and the others started our usual Friday Bullshit Hour. One of my co-workers was trying to make me pee myself by imitating Belly's man-giggle and re-enacting Belly eating a sub sandwich like a cartoon character.. Fucking HEElarious!!
Somehow we got on the subject of Blackberry PDA's and my aforementioned co-worker said that he showed her either a picture or video shot of my desk area while he was showing her pics of her that he took that day(without her fucking permission mind you). Everybody said a collective *HUH??* and wondered what the fuck he was doing taking video/pics of us. My co-worker said he told her:
"I'm just trying to figure out some of the settings [insert man-giggle here]
WAIT A MINUTE ASSHOLE...
1. You are the damn ubergeek who knows every fucking thing on the planet, ESPECIALLY electronic shit
2. You JUST showed me 7000 boring pictures from your vacation the other day
3. TWO WEEKS AGO you basically forced me to watch a video of your cheeseball wife dancing in a field on your little device (let me tell you..it was an experience to say the least)
4. Speaking of your vacation, you claimed to have downloaded a movie into your Crackberry and watched it on the plane (anybody who can grasp downloading and converting file types and shit ALREADY knows the settings of a PDA)
We all came to the conclusion that this weird fuck has been videotaping us and we never knew it.
Matter of fact..he was looming over my cube wall with that thing earlier in the day.
My stomach churns at the thought of him having me and my lovelies on video.
I told The Other Half about it and instead of promising to kick his ass, he pokes fun by saying: "Yeah, just think, we may see you on the internet with your head photoshopped onto a nekked body doing horse and sheep porn" (hardy har har har asscrack)
You wait 'till I see his big ass on Monday. I should spin his chair around real fast..his legs are so short he couldn't stop it!!! Unfortunately his belly might hit the edge of the desk and slice his nasty gut open..thus making a mess that we'd probably have to clean up.
He had his raggedy little Blackberry and he wanted to take a picture of my female cube mate..she immediately covered her face and screamed NOOO!!! Me and the others laughed and I made jokes about her being on the run, America's Most Wanted etc, etc..ha ha ho ho..joke over.
Belly continued to hover over her desk while she tried to get her work done. He was making his usual lame ass attempt to make conversation with her, "playing" with his Crackberry while he chatted.
I was on the phone during this exchange, but out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that he was OBVIOUSLY pointing that fucking thing at me, but was trying to make it look like he was still "playing" with it and "chatting" with my co-worker.
CUT TO TODAY...
Belly was out of the office today (thank ya Jesus). Near the end of our shift me and the others started our usual Friday Bullshit Hour. One of my co-workers was trying to make me pee myself by imitating Belly's man-giggle and re-enacting Belly eating a sub sandwich like a cartoon character.. Fucking HEElarious!!
Somehow we got on the subject of Blackberry PDA's and my aforementioned co-worker said that he showed her either a picture or video shot of my desk area while he was showing her pics of her that he took that day(without her fucking permission mind you). Everybody said a collective *HUH??* and wondered what the fuck he was doing taking video/pics of us. My co-worker said he told her:
"I'm just trying to figure out some of the settings [insert man-giggle here]
WAIT A MINUTE ASSHOLE...
1. You are the damn ubergeek who knows every fucking thing on the planet, ESPECIALLY electronic shit
2. You JUST showed me 7000 boring pictures from your vacation the other day
3. TWO WEEKS AGO you basically forced me to watch a video of your cheeseball wife dancing in a field on your little device (let me tell you..it was an experience to say the least)
4. Speaking of your vacation, you claimed to have downloaded a movie into your Crackberry and watched it on the plane (anybody who can grasp downloading and converting file types and shit ALREADY knows the settings of a PDA)
We all came to the conclusion that this weird fuck has been videotaping us and we never knew it.
Matter of fact..he was looming over my cube wall with that thing earlier in the day.
My stomach churns at the thought of him having me and my lovelies on video.
I told The Other Half about it and instead of promising to kick his ass, he pokes fun by saying: "Yeah, just think, we may see you on the internet with your head photoshopped onto a nekked body doing horse and sheep porn" (hardy har har har asscrack)
You wait 'till I see his big ass on Monday. I should spin his chair around real fast..his legs are so short he couldn't stop it!!! Unfortunately his belly might hit the edge of the desk and slice his nasty gut open..thus making a mess that we'd probably have to clean up.
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