Oh, I slay me....hahahhahaha
Ok - Back to "work" a.k.a fucking around on the internet.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Belly Looks Like.....
An Ewok.....
Oh, I slay me....hahahhahaha
Ok - Back to "work" a.k.a fucking around on the internet.
Oh, I slay me....hahahhahaha
Ok - Back to "work" a.k.a fucking around on the internet.
Monday, March 12, 2007
With Yo Interruptin' Ass...
Belly is soooo obnoxious.
He gets more annoying by the minute.
Thursday, my co-worker was leaving early. She was getting her bag together and me and her were saying our "goodbyes" and chit chatting quietly when all of a fucking sudden Belly basically screams:
BYE!!! HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!! BYE!!!
You should have seen the look on my co-worker's face...priceless I tell ya. Luckily she wasn't in the middle of eating something or we would have had to do the Heimlich Maneuver....She was SO startled and "caught off guard"....I was so embarrassed. Belly however, was absolutely clueless..
It seems that he has kicked up his famous man-giggle a notch for the Summer season.
I promise I heard a stitch in his golf shirt pop the other day..I nearly pissed myself.
He gets more annoying by the minute.
Thursday, my co-worker was leaving early. She was getting her bag together and me and her were saying our "goodbyes" and chit chatting quietly when all of a fucking sudden Belly basically screams:
BYE!!! HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!! BYE!!!
You should have seen the look on my co-worker's face...priceless I tell ya. Luckily she wasn't in the middle of eating something or we would have had to do the Heimlich Maneuver....She was SO startled and "caught off guard"....I was so embarrassed. Belly however, was absolutely clueless..
It seems that he has kicked up his famous man-giggle a notch for the Summer season.
I promise I heard a stitch in his golf shirt pop the other day..I nearly pissed myself.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Out Of The Mouths (well notebooks) Of Babes
My co-worker has a 9 year old daughter who I plan on kidnapping. She is so cute and smart and for christ sakes...well behaved!!
Last week my co-worker challenged her children to write a "Top 25" list of things they would like to do before they die - a little morbid for a child perhaps but a good idea nonetheless.
She brought it to work and I thought it was so cute I decided to post it.
I love that kids are so unbothered and "matter of fact" about life.
Here's her "want to do" list:
Last week my co-worker challenged her children to write a "Top 25" list of things they would like to do before they die - a little morbid for a child perhaps but a good idea nonetheless.
She brought it to work and I thought it was so cute I decided to post it.
I love that kids are so unbothered and "matter of fact" about life.
Here's her "want to do" list:
- Be able to swim
- Get a $5,000000,0000,000 paycheck monthly(she seriously used that many zeroes)
- Go to Hawaii
- Own Art school/Museum
- Be in The Night In The Museum
- Be a Singer
- Be a Dancer
- Be an Artist
- Go on a $5,000000,0000,0000 shopping spree (this kid LOVES zeroes)
- Be a Fashion Designer
- I can sound like a seal (??)
- 25 carrot diamonds (she later made her look up carat)
- Be in a record book
- Own Mars (yes, the actual planet)
- Be like my big sister
- Save all the hurt things
- Go to a Day Spa
- Be a SuperModle (yet another word to look up)
- Meet Beyonce
- Go on tour with her
- Have a sleepover with her
- Have a big ice cream sundae
- Have a 10th Birthday party
- Get a puppy (not if her mother has anything to say about it)
- Go to College
- Have a good job
- Go on a curse (her mother DEFINITELY had to clarify this one, the poor baby meant CRUISE)
- Go camping
- Get Caesar back to his old self (I found out that they have a dog name Caesar that has somehow, recently become allergic to grass, air, concrete, the sun, etc. Poor thing can barely go piss without almost dying)
- Get better handwriting
- GO TO HEAVEN
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Wine Is Fun
I helped a friend by volunteering at a Wine Tasting that benefitted her local theater last night.
OH. The. Hilarity.
The event was at the Magnolia Thomas Restaurant.
First off, as soon as we walked in, the event director was offering us glasses of wine - she had already had TWO herself..this was going to be fun.
On my table I had a Pinot Noir (yeck), a Pinot Grigio(yum), a Zinfandel(more yeck), a Cabernet Sauvignon(good lord, I'm drunk), a Shiraz (eh) and a Piesporter(mmm, tastes like white grape juice but kicks like tequila).
I love how older, seemingly sophisticated people get rowdy when they drink wine.
I was pouring a glass of wine for a cute little old guy and when I felt like the glass was full enough, he gave me a look that said: "Look Bitch, keep pourin' "...dang, Cletus.
There was the cutest little old lady in the corner, she had on a fur stole that I'm SURE she got in the late 1800's. She could drink your ass under the table though.
BY the end of the event, I had a good buzz going. I decided to eat more food than I'm sure I was supposed to. I thought it would soak up the wine....famous last words.....
This place was AT LEAST an hour from where I work and live, meaning it was in the middle of damn nowhere. On the way home, I found it neccesary to KNOCK THE SHIT out a median at an EXTREMELY dark "country" stop light/intersection...oops
Luckily, my car, "Big Black" was able to take the abuse, as he always does..poor car
But even after ALL THAT, I still had my ass in bed before 11 pm - Take that TOH!!
OH. The. Hilarity.
The event was at the Magnolia Thomas Restaurant.
First off, as soon as we walked in, the event director was offering us glasses of wine - she had already had TWO herself..this was going to be fun.
On my table I had a Pinot Noir (yeck), a Pinot Grigio(yum), a Zinfandel(more yeck), a Cabernet Sauvignon(good lord, I'm drunk), a Shiraz (eh) and a Piesporter(mmm, tastes like white grape juice but kicks like tequila).
I love how older, seemingly sophisticated people get rowdy when they drink wine.
I was pouring a glass of wine for a cute little old guy and when I felt like the glass was full enough, he gave me a look that said: "Look Bitch, keep pourin' "...dang, Cletus.
There was the cutest little old lady in the corner, she had on a fur stole that I'm SURE she got in the late 1800's. She could drink your ass under the table though.
BY the end of the event, I had a good buzz going. I decided to eat more food than I'm sure I was supposed to. I thought it would soak up the wine....famous last words.....
This place was AT LEAST an hour from where I work and live, meaning it was in the middle of damn nowhere. On the way home, I found it neccesary to KNOCK THE SHIT out a median at an EXTREMELY dark "country" stop light/intersection...oops
Luckily, my car, "Big Black" was able to take the abuse, as he always does..poor car
But even after ALL THAT, I still had my ass in bed before 11 pm - Take that TOH!!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Stay Your Ass At Home!!
Red Light Violation Ticket - $75
Boot On BOTH Front Tires - $100
Realizing you should have listened to your girlfriend - PRICELESS
TOH is coming to the realization that partying at his age is starting to "cost him".
A couple of weeks ago, he decided it would be a good idea to come home at 6:00 AM!!!! Yeah, you got it, he didn't sleep in "our" bedroom for a few days. I made him sleep in the "guest room" aka the room where shoes, clothes and various wicker baskets go to die. I figured that since he was treating me like I was his room mate, we would LITERALLY become room mates, needless to say, he was extra pissed.
A week later, a letter came in the mail from the police department.
Apparently, during this little excursion of his, he ran a red light...at an intersection WITH CAMERAS!!!...stupid.
Then yesterday he informs me that while he was out with the same dummies from the "red light incident", his car was booted outside the shitty sportsbar they frequent...ha ha
He was mad because his friends wouldn't help him pay the boot guy, now all his money for the week is gone...serves him right.
Boot On BOTH Front Tires - $100
Realizing you should have listened to your girlfriend - PRICELESS
TOH is coming to the realization that partying at his age is starting to "cost him".
A couple of weeks ago, he decided it would be a good idea to come home at 6:00 AM!!!! Yeah, you got it, he didn't sleep in "our" bedroom for a few days. I made him sleep in the "guest room" aka the room where shoes, clothes and various wicker baskets go to die. I figured that since he was treating me like I was his room mate, we would LITERALLY become room mates, needless to say, he was extra pissed.
A week later, a letter came in the mail from the police department.
Apparently, during this little excursion of his, he ran a red light...at an intersection WITH CAMERAS!!!...stupid.
Then yesterday he informs me that while he was out with the same dummies from the "red light incident", his car was booted outside the shitty sportsbar they frequent...ha ha
He was mad because his friends wouldn't help him pay the boot guy, now all his money for the week is gone...serves him right.
Monday, March 05, 2007
My People....
Do you ever get embarassed by your own "people"???
On Saturday me and TOH went to the All-Star Comedy Explosion Concert. Let me get this out of the way now:
To the stupid bitches in Loge Section 3 Row D: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Thanks for ruining our entire evening with your ghetto, potato chip eating, loud talking, constantly getting up - asses!!!!
I swear, sometimes people make me sick.....If I would have had just ONE more drink in me, I would have walked across the aisle and slapped fire out of one of their asses!!
It was bad enough we were wedged into those small ass seats - and it was hot - and Fucking Kevin Hart didn't show up, then add to it that I could barely hear the show because of the aformentioned - stupid bitches....pissed.I.was.
$130.00 wasted
Afterwards, we went to Jermaine Dupri's (Janet Jackson's Boyfriend) restaurant - Cafe Dupri. It was really good and they stay open until 4 am on the weekends. We ate from the breakfast menu, I had Cognac Scented French Toast with fresh fruit and yogurt and TOH had the Pancakes and the fluffiest eggs I've ever tasted - Yum, pretty damn good food - except for the turkey sausage (they don't serve pork). It was like chewing on jerky for god's sake!!
Damn healthy people - ewww.
On Saturday me and TOH went to the All-Star Comedy Explosion Concert. Let me get this out of the way now:
To the stupid bitches in Loge Section 3 Row D: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Thanks for ruining our entire evening with your ghetto, potato chip eating, loud talking, constantly getting up - asses!!!!
I swear, sometimes people make me sick.....If I would have had just ONE more drink in me, I would have walked across the aisle and slapped fire out of one of their asses!!
It was bad enough we were wedged into those small ass seats - and it was hot - and Fucking Kevin Hart didn't show up, then add to it that I could barely hear the show because of the aformentioned - stupid bitches....pissed.I.was.
$130.00 wasted
Afterwards, we went to Jermaine Dupri's (Janet Jackson's Boyfriend) restaurant - Cafe Dupri. It was really good and they stay open until 4 am on the weekends. We ate from the breakfast menu, I had Cognac Scented French Toast with fresh fruit and yogurt and TOH had the Pancakes and the fluffiest eggs I've ever tasted - Yum, pretty damn good food - except for the turkey sausage (they don't serve pork). It was like chewing on jerky for god's sake!!
Damn healthy people - ewww.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Hey Sexy
Have you ever just "noticed" that you were dating the hottest man on earth??
Like I said earlier, Me and TOH went to the gym on Saturday. He'd been drinking the night before so he was all whiny and irritable...but I wasn't falling for his bullshit this time though.
I added him on as a "family member" and had already paid for him 2 months in a damn row so I was basically forcing his ass to go.
When we got there it was almost time for my swim aerobics class to start and I hate to be late. I "had to" leave him at the front desk to wait to get his picture taken. I guess this is what it feels like to leave your kid on his first day of school...he looked a little pitiful but shit, I need to stop babying him right??
Anywhoo, while I was in class I saw him peeking at me from the men's locker room door..he looked like a Peeping Tom but I love him....the other ladies in class tried to make him join in but he played shy and went back in. I tried to explain to him that I'd seen other guys in the class but he swears that it's a "womanly thing"..whateva
After class I found him on the basketball court making shots..hmm pretty good for a slacker.
We went up to the weight room and I watched him messa around on the various machines then he started on the free weights...doing bench presses..all of a sudden a WAVE OF LUST came over me and a long list of filthy thoughts went through my mind....
What the hell was THAT about???
I guess after all that whining and complaining I was ready for him to be a stud again..weird.
But sadly, it didn't last long...the next day he was just about in tears because he was so sore..he even stayed out from work on Monday!! Can you hear me snapping my teeth in disgust???
Big Baby
Like I said earlier, Me and TOH went to the gym on Saturday. He'd been drinking the night before so he was all whiny and irritable...but I wasn't falling for his bullshit this time though.
I added him on as a "family member" and had already paid for him 2 months in a damn row so I was basically forcing his ass to go.
When we got there it was almost time for my swim aerobics class to start and I hate to be late. I "had to" leave him at the front desk to wait to get his picture taken. I guess this is what it feels like to leave your kid on his first day of school...he looked a little pitiful but shit, I need to stop babying him right??
Anywhoo, while I was in class I saw him peeking at me from the men's locker room door..he looked like a Peeping Tom but I love him....the other ladies in class tried to make him join in but he played shy and went back in. I tried to explain to him that I'd seen other guys in the class but he swears that it's a "womanly thing"..whateva
After class I found him on the basketball court making shots..hmm pretty good for a slacker.
We went up to the weight room and I watched him messa around on the various machines then he started on the free weights...doing bench presses..all of a sudden a WAVE OF LUST came over me and a long list of filthy thoughts went through my mind....
What the hell was THAT about???
I guess after all that whining and complaining I was ready for him to be a stud again..weird.
But sadly, it didn't last long...the next day he was just about in tears because he was so sore..he even stayed out from work on Monday!! Can you hear me snapping my teeth in disgust???
Big Baby
Monday, February 26, 2007
And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going..
TO EVER WEAR THAT HIDEOUS JACKET AGAIN!!
Jennifer Hudson, ypu know I love you, but I swear, that jacket looked like something you dug out of Beyonce's trunk.
What in the Gold Lame' hell???
Her weave looked good though....
Jennifer Hudson, ypu know I love you, but I swear, that jacket looked like something you dug out of Beyonce's trunk.
What in the Gold Lame' hell???
Her weave looked good though....
We Are SO Damn Exciting...Yoga Hurts
Happy Monday...yeah right, that sounds like some dumb shit Belly would say as he bounded his fat ass down the cubicle row.
On Friday I visited my dealer, I mean Whole Foods, with a co-worker. We had some of the best calamari known to man at the Seafood Bar. We got the squid from the seafood dept. (LOVE THAT!!). My co-worker told the guy we wanted two pounds of squid rings but as he started scooping, we realized that we were fat pigs and decided on a pound and a half...cooked up, we were STILL fat pigs...damn, calamari goes a long way.
Anywhoo, the chef dude made a pesto parmesan sauce that I would kill my mom for and I seriously considered eating the entire plate, until that is, my stomach nearly exploded.
mmmm, good times....
We had company over later on that night..I hate company on Friday nights...add to it that TOH kind of "sprung" them on me...damn it boy, our house is messy!!!! I'd much rather have company over on Saturday when I'd have time to clean but oh well.
After cramming shit into every nook and cranny of our apartment, I "graciously" greeted TOH's work friend who brought his girlfriend - sure wish I knew her name - hell, I've met her at least 3 times and have no fucking clue what to call her..I called her sweetheart for most of the evening, I suspect she doesn't know what the hell my name is either..oh well.
I made my signature frozen drink called Pink Panties, recipes as follows:
Blender
Frozen Minute Maid Pink Lemonade (On sale for .99 cents a can at Publix)
Pineapple Rum
Vanilla Vodka
And whatever other cheap ass liquor you can find
Blend and serve in red plastic cups or maybe your nice Margarita glasses depending on the caliber of company you have over.
Saturday I forced TOH to go to the gym..oh the whining and crying...
I went to water aerobics again, that was fun. We did yoga this time. Sadly, in the water and out, I'm still a clumsy ass. This pose (Dandayamana-Dhanurasana) was an ass-kicker. So was this one (Trikanasana).
At the end, we all said "Namaste Muthafuckas"...ok, the MF part was mine but I laughed..to myself...
Why is it that after I leave the gym, I feel like I can eat an entire cow??? In my attempt to be all healthy and shit, I ate a large bowl of chili
with cheese
and 36 oyster crackers
What??? It was on a diet I saw online somewhere..I think...probably the same "diet" that Belly is on.
On Friday I visited my dealer, I mean Whole Foods, with a co-worker. We had some of the best calamari known to man at the Seafood Bar. We got the squid from the seafood dept. (LOVE THAT!!). My co-worker told the guy we wanted two pounds of squid rings but as he started scooping, we realized that we were fat pigs and decided on a pound and a half...cooked up, we were STILL fat pigs...damn, calamari goes a long way.
Anywhoo, the chef dude made a pesto parmesan sauce that I would kill my mom for and I seriously considered eating the entire plate, until that is, my stomach nearly exploded.
mmmm, good times....
We had company over later on that night..I hate company on Friday nights...add to it that TOH kind of "sprung" them on me...damn it boy, our house is messy!!!! I'd much rather have company over on Saturday when I'd have time to clean but oh well.
After cramming shit into every nook and cranny of our apartment, I "graciously" greeted TOH's work friend who brought his girlfriend - sure wish I knew her name - hell, I've met her at least 3 times and have no fucking clue what to call her..I called her sweetheart for most of the evening, I suspect she doesn't know what the hell my name is either..oh well.
I made my signature frozen drink called Pink Panties, recipes as follows:
Blender
Frozen Minute Maid Pink Lemonade (On sale for .99 cents a can at Publix)
Pineapple Rum
Vanilla Vodka
And whatever other cheap ass liquor you can find
Blend and serve in red plastic cups or maybe your nice Margarita glasses depending on the caliber of company you have over.
Saturday I forced TOH to go to the gym..oh the whining and crying...
I went to water aerobics again, that was fun. We did yoga this time. Sadly, in the water and out, I'm still a clumsy ass. This pose (Dandayamana-Dhanurasana) was an ass-kicker. So was this one (Trikanasana).
At the end, we all said "Namaste Muthafuckas"...ok, the MF part was mine but I laughed..to myself...
Why is it that after I leave the gym, I feel like I can eat an entire cow??? In my attempt to be all healthy and shit, I ate a large bowl of chili
with cheese
and 36 oyster crackers
What??? It was on a diet I saw online somewhere..I think...probably the same "diet" that Belly is on.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I Swear, If You Don't Shut The Hell Up!!!
We had a department meeting today and Belly took the opportunity to ask a barrage of asinine, irrelevant questions as usual....
Big Wig: Any questions?
Belly: Well..blah blah fucking blah blah - training implementation - blah blah fucking blah blah
The entire room was SO embarrassed and the poor Big Wig just stood there like a deer caught in headlights and nodded.
Just when you thought it was over....ANOTHER stupid question!!!! He managed to make an already boring meeting 15 minutes longer.
Poor us.
Then if it REALLY wasn't "enough"....he happens to be the facilitator for our TEAM meeting later this afternoon...oh god..please slit my throat right now!!
Big Wig: Any questions?
Belly: Well..blah blah fucking blah blah - training implementation - blah blah fucking blah blah
The entire room was SO embarrassed and the poor Big Wig just stood there like a deer caught in headlights and nodded.
Just when you thought it was over....ANOTHER stupid question!!!! He managed to make an already boring meeting 15 minutes longer.
Poor us.
Then if it REALLY wasn't "enough"....he happens to be the facilitator for our TEAM meeting later this afternoon...oh god..please slit my throat right now!!
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