Friday, April 24, 2009

I Want A Baby..Just So It Can Wear Cute Clothes


I was looking at this website called my ovaries hurt.

It's a place that showcases stylish little kids in candid "street" photos..freaking hilarious.

One little girl had a Baby Dior dress on and since I'm nosy, I started to search the web for the prices of such things...needless to say, I can't afford ANY of it...EVER!!

But look at the yumminess of THESE beauties:

THEY COST $325 FUCKING DOLLARS!!! And they are for babies, who can't really walk...or even wipe their own asses.

Now I have an ASSLOAD of shoes..but I have NEVA EVA spent that kind of money on any piece of clothing...and I have the ability to whore myself for cash...what the fuck??

But then there's that part of me that says.."hmmm, but the baby needs them"...I will go ahead and stab that part of me now.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Internet, Como Se Huh?

Cookie was called into an actual staff meeting last night...on the internet....a staff meeting for a VIRTUAL strip club..umm..wha?

This shit is starting to get a little too real..gah!

Apparently, we need to "step our game up" because someone called the management group slack asses and questioned our "training".

Oh, and it seems that we are too "chatty"..(it is, after all a CHAT room for fuck's sake)...No more inviting friends into the club unless they are paying for dances and drinks...umm, again..wha?

Then we had a long discussion about Customer Service and club marketing/promotion...boooo! I come here to goof off, shake my virtual ass and serve virtual drinks!!

I think Cookie needs to go on a virtual sabbatical again....

And wanna know the kicker??? The motherfuckin' Coup de Grâce??

They didn't even serve virtual coffee OR donuts...aww hell, this is JUST like my real job.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Adventures In IMVU Land - The Recession Edition

Here are few more pics of Cookie..cuz I'm bored like that today. act like you don't see the spacing differences in between some of these pics..Blogger is really aggravating my OCD...

St. Patty's Day Debauchery:

Sadly, Cookie had to get a job...At Soft Touch - The Upscale Gentlemen’s Club..I’m a sort of…and "fill in" stripper
HEY!!!, don’t judge me..we’re in a recession people! If I give you a dance (or a drink), you're supposed to "pay" me in credit..or buy me something from my wishlist and I've got my eye on a nice teak wood toilet for my virtual beach come on by and let Cookie shake a lil sumpin' for you..

Also..apparently there IS sex in the champagne room...oh lawd, what have I gotten myself into?

Cookie as “Mei Ling”, The Asian Angel (One of my costumes at Soft Touch)

At Latte’s Poetry Café:

I'm in a band called "I Told You That Bitch Was Crazy"

Drowning my sorrows after work:

Hangin' out with my "virtual man" William..

I know I look was hot dammit! And besides, we were at the beach...

And after the beach we rob virtual banks from time to helps us bond.

I'm in a Cadillac gang..ha!

Friday, April 03, 2009

ANOTHER Cubicle Stalker

I swear..just when you think it's safe to eat in your own fucking cubicle....

I got a new cube mate a few months..she came over from another dept. and already had a "rep" as an insufferable bitch.

Over my short life I have had AT LEAST 15 friends like this...seems that I attract that type.

So because of this, I decide to at least be nice to her...wrong move.

She clamped on to me like a leech and I can't scrape her off....I shall call her Carrot Top..yep, she's got red hair, she's southern and incredibly politically incorrect - She still calls Asian people "Them Orientals"...I can just imagine what she calls us Blacks..I really did try to help her one day:

Me: Um, Carrot Top, you shouldn't use the word Oriental - It's like you calling me colored or negro....

Carrot Top: Uhhh..whuuut you tawlkin bout guhl..Fiddly Dee, I declahhhare

Ok, she didn't say the last part but that's how she sounds..I swear.

So I've noticed that just like Belly, every time I eat, say or do anything, she stands up and makes a comment about it...

"MMMM, that looks good"

"Is that a carrot??..Wow"

"You're husband sure says nice things to you..."


What is so damned interesting about me and my food choices for shit's sake?

And if that isn't enough, she has this way of acting like she's not looking at me...she'll stand up, and look like she's scanning the room..but out of the corner of my eye...I can see her eyeballin' me...and unfortunately, we have low cube walls..damn it!!!

OH Wait!!...I forgot!!

There I was, minding my own fucking business, trying to do my insulin shot with my Flexpen (more on that later), which involves me pulling out some of the fat from my gut and jabbing it..this weirdo hears the clicking sound it makes, stands up and says:

"Oh, I'm sorrrryy..Now you know you don't have ANY privacy as long as I'm here huuuun...I mean um, I'm just kidding..."

Kidding my ass, that bitch was serious.