Wednesday, February 25, 2009

IMVU - Now I'm COMPLETELY Out Of Control

Ok, so now I've figured out how to make an avatar that looks a little more like the "real" me...oh lawd...The base avatar is called "Curvy Lolita"..well excuuuse me..

Yes I've made her pretty slutty too but fishnets are fun.

My avatar has had a really busy week so far, and since momma needs some new shoes, I got a job at the local fine dance academy:

Welcome to the main stage..Sista Big Bone!!!

Then I found a nice kitty to ride at the zoo:

But unfortunately, fell in with the wrong crowd

Yep, the devil made me do it...

Then I found Nemo:

Got my Jennifer Hudson on:

Found a nice Country bar..that had rides:

And had to spend the rest of the night dancing like this:

The next day I became a patron of the arts

And since I'm soooo popular, I was invited to a beach barbecue:

Where I proceeded to get so drunk that I did some really dumb shit:

And almost death:

But then I was resuscitated..and was well enough to go to the club and flirt with boys..of course:

This poor child was 19..and he followed me around for an hour...bless his little heart.

Monday, February 23, 2009

IMVU - My Personal Private Shame

Last week I stumbled upon this little website called
It's what the kids these days called Second Life, a virtual world.
..and I'm fucking hooked..I am such a nerd.

Damn you, young people.

I set up my avatar one night at around 9:00 pm and before I knew it, it was 3:00 am..oops..I got caught up "buying" shoes, clothes and hair for her with my credits...It's like shopping with somebody else's money....which is ALWAYS great.

Here's my avatar:

Yes,I've become an absolute whore on the internet...and I obviously love the hot tub.

So the second night, in the Public 3D rooms, I found the "night clubs"...and then I lost complete control of myself..

But I found a way to earn my keep:

I'm sure can imagine just how tough it was to tend bar in a bathing suit and stiletto boots...I'm sure.

Oh, then I joined a one woman band:

Then on Sunday, I woke up, changed into a slightly less whorish outfit, cooked some grits and did a little housework in my virtual beach house condo:

And then, to repent for the night before, I went to virtual church:

But isn't amazing that even in church, a Pimp will try to holla?

After church, I went home to get some rest and what did I find?...a damn orgy:


*Sigh*..just like college all over again...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Man Candy - A Video

If sex sells, I'm buying...on credit, of course.

It was all "Chocolaty Goodness" until Lil Wayne showed up in the video..yeck.

I'm thinking about getting that weave for the summer..without that "stripper blonde" business in the front though...did I type that out loud?? Oops.

Keri Hilson Feat Lil Wayne - Turnin Me On official music video

Thursday, February 19, 2009

African Braid Shops, Jerky and Mean Old Ladies

I went to the mall the other day to get my hair braided, because I enjoy the torture and because my hair looked like shit sprinkled with warm death..mmm sexy.

Discovery Channel should do a documentary on the African Braid Shop..complete foolishness.

You can rest assured that when you arrive for your appointment, one or all these things will be true:

1. If you are the first client in the morning, the shop will be fucking filthy..I swear, it never you will then be forced to wait another 30 minutes while they clean up.

2.When you ask one of the 3 million braiders in there where your braider is, an argument will break out among a foreign language that sounds kinda like french...with lots of tooth sucking.

3. When your braider finally arrives, expect a 10 minute "discussion" about the agreed to one price earlier but now it's something different..usually MORE money.

4. The braider will then try to tell you that "this style won't work for you with the hair you bought"..even though SHE just did the SAME style on you, using the SAME hair, last month.

5. Even though it is your "practice and tradition" to bring your own GOOD QUALITY hair, they will try to get you to buy the shitty, overpriced plastic doll hair that they have in their shop..and will go on and on about it..

6. Even though you came here to relax, read a book or watch tv while you get your hair done, your braider will make you hand her the hair, and as soon as you get the hang of the size she wants you to hand her, she will then change her mind, suck her teeth some more and make you hand her different sizes..damn damn damn! Why can't this heffa get an assistant or a stool or something??

7. They don't do ANY kind of haircuts or styling so if you want it to look like this:

YOU'LL HAVE TO STYLE IT YOUR DAMN SELF!! (No this is not me but we ALL pose in stripper dresses like this when we get our hair done)

And of course, by the end, your scalp will look and feel like it has stitches..ouch..

No, this is not my hair or forehead..but it's really close to what mine looks like..but mine looks better...ha.

So go ahead and pop a couple of 800 mg Motrin horse pills on the way home, otherwise there will be no sleep for you tonight.

And I continue to put up with this shit every couple of months because I am a slack ass that doesn't like to "do" hair...and it looks cute..and when it grows in a little, people think its your real hair...and that's all that counts.

Next Subject:

As I was leaving the mall parking lot, I noticed a store that had a big, pretty red sign that read:


A whole store dedicated to dried meat...Belly would probably faint if he saw that.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall during this guy's "pitch" to his wife...

Husband: Honey!! I quit my job!!
Wife: Um, huh?
Husband: I wanna open a Beef Jerky store!! Trust me, it'll be GREAT!!

Yeah, I'm sure that ended with him being beaten about the head and chest..and a divorce.

Oh, and one last thing....

An old lady sharked me for a parking space yesterday.. Shouldn't she have a handicapped placard or something?? Oh!! and this broad had the nerve to give me a dirty look when I drove

Is it bad that I wanted to run her ass over as she hobbled her old self into the store?

I know, I'm mean...but my hair is cute.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Oh Love...

I'm bored..I'm at work..It's Saturday...Oh, and it's Valentine's day..woo hoo?

I'm watching Open Season 2 on company equipment..I'm sooo bad...but this movie is fucking hilarious...Dumb Cat Roger almost made me pee myself - "Stanley!! It's Been AGESSSTHH...sad how children's movies are actually made for adults.

Belly's sister still works with us on Saturdays..yay? She mostly keeps to herself...we sit kinda far from her and I'm sure it's hard getting all that ass over here just to chat...thank god.
1 weird thing: this morning when I came in, she was already here and she was on her cell. As I walked by, I heard her saying what sounded to be "sweet nothings".."well, you know where I am..uh huh..*coy giggle*...well get some rest sweetie..*coy giggle* hmm...yeah"...then once I got past her, she stopped me and said "Hi Linka, that was Belly, he says to tell you all what's up!!"..yay, great.


I have NEVER talked and giggled on the phone with MY brother like that...I guess some people just have a weird relationship traditions.

Anyway, I don't really want much for Valentine's day...well truthfully I want a whole lot of shit but it ain't gonna happen.
I asked TOH what he wanted and he said: "Some peace and quiet during the All Star Game and about 5 pounds of steamed crab legs"

I guess I could do that...for him...because I love him...I suppose.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Belly Makes A Video

I just laughed my ass ALL the way off.

If Belly was a white guy in a leotard.... the look on his face at the :27 mark made me piss myself.

Cubby dances to Beyonce Single Ladies