Monday, November 17, 2008

He's Got A Ticket To Ride...

And I don't care....

It seems that Belly has become quite ambitious since he got a promotion. He made a big production out of finally getting a girlfriend and now he's moving in with her...


Yaaaay thankyousomuchjaaysussourlordandsayvyuh!!!

So on his last day, I watched his big ass wanderin' around the office hugging on people (even though you tell they didn't want to), man giggling and I swear to God, he came up behind the lady across from me and kissed her on her neck while he hugged her FROM should have seen her face..I nearly pissed myself laughing...and it didn't help that she, being the sweetest person in the world, said: "Ummm, sweet of you".

I kept conveniently picking up phone calls so he couldn't molest me but he just kept hovering and pacing..I promise you, he hung around for like 15 minutes!! Then when he got tired of acting like he wasn't waiting for me to get off of the phone, he put his big ass belly up against my cube wall and blew out a hot breathed, high pitched: "Damn guuurl, I'm gonna miss youuuu"...while I was on the fucking phone with a fucking customer.


I had to put my phone on Mute and force out a strained "Oh, me too"...lying is fun.

So the jackass has finally left the building..finally.

But of course you know with Belly, the story doesn't end there....

There I was, this past Sunday morning, cooking bacon..minding my own fucking business when my cell phone rings..who the fuck could it be??

Me: Hello?
Caller: Heeeeey Guurl!! I'm home!! I finally made it!!
Me: Umm...great!! Who's this?

Because at this point, I thought it was my FEMALE co-worker who I have named "Frugal as a Motherfucker But Throws Parties Like a Queen".

But to my chagrin, it was Belly...(he must have smelled the bacon from waaay up there...)

Belly: It's me,'ve forgotten my voice so soon??
Me: Umm..hi
Belly: I was just calling to see if they have started playing musical chairs yet.
Me: Huh?
Belly: Did they move you yet?
(We're getting some new employees on our team and this will be our 6th "desk move" to date)
Me: No..not yet.
Belly: What are you doing right now?
Me: Cooking FOR MY HUSBAND..and watching football.
Belly: Is he a Cowboys fan?
Me:..Uh, I guess.
Belly: Well, I just wanted to let you know that I made it here ok..and all..and uh..My girlfriend says hi.
Girlfriend: Hiiiiiiiiii!!!
(Great, now two fucking weirdos know my number..that poor girl)
Me: Uh, hi...
Belly: Well I guess I'll let you guys get back to your day...[insert weird pause here]
Me: OK..bye...*CLICK*

WTF?? He is so..strange..he used to do the same thing when he was married. He liked to call me while she was sitting beside him and try to talk me to fucking death at weird hours of the day and night.

Note to Belly: We are so NOT cool like dat
Note to self: Get a new cell phone number
And for the comic relief portion of this post, I give you Belly and his Girlfriend

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Cadillac Update

Well, I kept the car....

The dealership fixed the turn signal/headlight issue and even gave me a new battery with a 3 yr warranty..but then they tried to play dumb about the steering noise issue..fuck 'em, I'm tired.

I'm still in love with my old car though...every time I see one on the road or at a light, I stare like a sad old sappy broad.

I'm pretty sure people are wondering what the fuck I'm staring at but oh well.

I think I'll get the windows tinted on the'll look cooler then...and after all, looking cool is my main goal. Ha!

The Grand Prix GTP is STILL for damn sale...I swear, I'll take $1,000 for it at this really, I will.

Here's what my old car WISHES it looked like *sigh* If I had more money, I'd probably make it happen..but I don't, so that's the end of that discussion I guess.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


As you can imagine, there are some "scorched grits" here in the South.

But I guess they'll just need to get over it.

I was trying to think of something "profound" to say but I'm still in shock and frankly, I'm a little scared.
Scared because I know that there are some crazy bastards in this world that will stop at NOTHING in order to get their point across so to speak.
This brings to mind the circus of bullshit called racism in the South that I've unfortunately been invited to on many occasions as a black person.
Once I was called a nigger by a 2 yr old in McDonald's while her parents watched and laughed..yeah, nice.

But imagine that happening on a daily basis....

I worked at The King Center for many years. People always asked me: "Isn't it just a wonderful place to work??"
At the time, I really couldn't give them an "honest" answer because I was so caught up in the obligatory office bullshit that everybody goes through at some point:

  • Betty won't clean up after her filthy ass self
  • Somebody left piss on the seat in the Ladies room..niiiice
  • Who keeps leaving a file labeled "J" in the "P" folder location??
  • One month we were so poor, we had to choose between cable, coffee or air conditioning

Blah blah blah

Oh!! and my favorite thing was the CEO dissed me by insisting that my desk be placed in the FUCKING FILE CABINET ROOM!!

Yeah, that was fun...

But what I failed to realize was that my desk had the most beautiful view of the crypt where Dr. King is buried and of the eternal flame.

And then I thought of all that he'd been through in order to get to where he got before he was murdered and all that had happened in the decades since...lead not only by Black people but by people of ALL RACES that gave their lives to get us here.

And then I cried like a big ole baby, right there in the file room

I wanted to cry like that again last night but my Husband was soooo fucking drunk and belligerent that it kinda ruined the moment for me..he, on the other hand, was having a wonderful time and repeatedly tried to get some "Obama Lovin" but I wasn't havin it..(we're SUCH lovebirds.)

I understand that people are pissed and disappointed saying that we've been duped by Obama and that we'll live to regret our vote but I'm a little more hopeful.
I know there are going to be quite a few things that he'll do that I won't agree with but hell, nobody's perfect.