Thursday, July 26, 2007

Boys Are Stupid

As many of you know, I have 47 jobs...and strangely, no money to show for it.

Anyway, one of my part time jobs is at a big name athletic shoe store in the "fru fru" mall in the "fru fru" area of town.

It goes without saying (then why am I saying it?) that I see famous people all the time when I work there. Most of them are pretty nice..some are assholes though.

It seems that they expect you to "bow down" to them or something..whatever bitches.

Well on Tuesday, Kanye West came in to shop...people lost their fucking minds I tell ya.

When he came in, his back was to me but I'll admit, I was maybe a little excited when he finally turned around and I realized it was really him.

Funny thing is: HE WAS REALLY SMALL

I mean a little kid...I was tempted to pick him up and breast feed him. I promise, he was so cute, I could have dunked him in my coffee.

Meanwhile, some of the guys were breaking their necks to get up to the sales floor and gawk at him. I rang up all his stuff and he actually walked away to buy more stuff AND LEFT ME WITH HIS BLACK, TITANIUM AMEX he crazy or what? Since I've been working there, I noticed that a lot of rich people tend to do this...I guess they figure you can't get too far with their card...

When he came back after piling more stuff on the counter, he actually had the nerve to say:

"Wow that got up there quick didn't it?".....he was actually worried about the money....I guess that's how you stay rich. I made a comment about "it's just money" and he laughed and agreed.

As he was trying to leave, two of my very young, very silly co-workers blocked his way..trying to shake his hand and chat....poor Kanye, he made the mistake of actually being nice to them...they acted like 14 year old of them even whipped out his Kanye West fan club card (cheeeeeseball!!!) so emabarrassing.

After he left, one of them was so flustered, he actually ran to the back..nearly in tears...

Boys are stupid

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Is EVERYTHING About Food With Him????

Homer Simpson has invaded my workplace.

Somehow the cube-farm discussion turned to the Giant Squid problem in Monterey Bay.
(We obviously don't have SHIT to talk about)

Well somebody made the mistake of saying:

"It says it's up to 7 feet long, and weighs around 100 pounds"

Belly - of course says (with his eyes all dreamy and shit):

"MMMMM, calamari...."

Nope, he wasn't done yet

"Yeahhhh, get the tartar sauce and lemons ready..mmmm"

We all just sat there, embarrassed for him...after a few uncomfortable sniggles, everybody turned back towards their computers.

He (again, of course) laughed like he had just told the funniest joke ever...cornball ass, we all knew he was really serious..

I bet he cooks up about 65 pounds of it for dinner tonight....yeck


Ok so here's what I saw in my comments section recently:

Hey there Linka, I'd like to take this time and congratulate you on your awesome blog and inform you that you are in the running for Bestest Blog of the Year. You are up against 104 other excellent blogs that have all qualified by being "Bestest Blog of the Day" in the past 12 months. Voting starts TODAY (July 23rd) and will end in 2 weeks (August 6th). Winners will be announced on August 7th!The winner will be receiving (at least) a $50 prize and a ton of new visitors I'm sure. Other blogs that finish in the top 10 will also be getting a few new links and extra exposure. Full details of the contest can be found here.

So what can you do to increase your chances of winning?

1. Go vote for yourself (duh!)

2. Encourage others to vote for you. Here is the URL: You can also find a nifty little graphic to include on your blog here.

3. Encourage others to register before voting. Registered users votes count 3 times more than guests.

4. Keep up the great blogging that got you here in the first place. People are going to be stopping by your blog before voting, and if you have some great, new content, that'll surely increase your vote.

Again, congratulations and good luck! And if you're interested in winning another "blog of the day" award and get in the running for next year's award, check out the new "Blankest Blank Blog Directory." Questions? Please feel free to email me or drop by the forum.

Yayyyyy me!!!!

Now get to votin'...I am NOT the most modest person you have ever met????

Friday, July 20, 2007

Sit The Fuck Down Already!!!

Oh, the incessant EXTREMELY LOUD laughter (read: man-giggle) and the constant snot whistle are killing me...and it's like he can sense that he's pissing me he keeps doing it...oh great, now he's breathing heavy again..not like it takes much to make that happen...he picked up something off the floor the other day and almost had a heart attack when he came back up....I'm serious, he was wheezing and everything...fat bastard.

That FATkins Diet really seems to be working for ya, Belly..woo hoo!!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Chronicles Of Belly...some more

I had yet another "over the shoulder moment" with that fool Belly.

A fellow blogger - AtYourCervix gave me a really cool shout out the other day. I was, as usual, minding my own damn business reading some of her other posts when suddenly I hear a muffled smacking noise behind me...Mr. Greedy was eating some sort of nasty morsel (as usual) and was also READING EVERY THING ON MY SCREEN OUT LOUD!!!!...asshole

Belly: 2 Epidurals???? wow..did she even know her name?? ahahahahahahha
Me: (thinking) shut up assface
Belly: (all loud and shit) AT YOUR CERVIX??!!! That sure is a funny name!!!..*smack, nosh, gurgle, mouth-fart, smack* hahahahahah

I was so fucking livid, I couldn't fix my mouth to say anything..I grunted a little a slammed my mouse on the desk while I minimized my screen..he caught the hint and sat his fat ass down.

Then as if he couldn't get any weirder....

We had a team meeting and each month we have this thing called "Team Talk". Well during team talk we go around the room and say one positive thing that's going on in our lives or careers....supposed. to. be. positive

Belly decides that this would be a WONDERFUL time to get us to pity him.
Belly: Well I've got good news and bad news....I'm going through a separation right now and my kids have moved away with their mother and relatives. But on a good note, my commute is waaaay shorter because I moved closer to work.

The entire group just sat there in shocked silence..eventually somebody said "aww, that's uh terrible" and he just sat there looking all goofy. I don't think he has any friends to talk to so now we have to be his life coach.

My supervisor had to finally move on...poor thing had to say "Well does anyone else have anything positive to say??"

Talk about awkward moments...

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Married..Finally, Dammit!!!

OK, the deed is done!!!!

Me and TOH tied the knot on Saturday - 7/7/07

And just in case you are wondering, I only had TWO Bridezilla moments....

1. I looked out the window and saw that the chairs were facing THE FUCKING CONSTRUCTION SITE across the grassy, can't kill em...I called my mom on her cell phone screaming like a banshee and she (I swear, she's the cutest thing alive) said "The bride doesn't want to face a construction site, please turn your chairs around".

2. After the ceremony, the plan was to have everybody walk down the path to the "reception area" (our friend's townhouse) and shortly after, we would have people serve themselves from the buffet...that was "the plan"......There I was, basking in the afterglow of the ceremony, posing for pictures and such when all of a sudden, our male/friend owner of the house comes up to me and says :

Male Friend/Homeowner: We need you at the house..RIGHT NOW!!

Me: Why??

Male Homeowner: It's all going TO SHIT!!

Me: Huh??

Male Homeowner: Nobody knows where to put the food, your whole vision is falling apart!!!

Me: You CAN'T be serious..*suppressing anger*

Male Homeowner: Dead serious

I ripped myself away from my guests and scooted down the path, all worried and shit..When I got there, it all "looked" under control to freak out wayyy too easily.

All in all, it was a fun day though. It was kind of embarrassing to have everybody's eyes on you the whole day while they yelled shit like:"kiss!!" "eat the cake!!" "drink the champagne!!".....

How 'bout shut the hell up?

I must say, champagne is nasty...I've been belching it up since Saturday..maybe because it was CHEAP champagne..yeah, that'll do it.

The cake was good's a picture

I stuck the flowers and beads and shit in it myself..I am so'd think I would have ironed the tablecloth though huh??

After the reception, we stayed at The Westin - Our friend payed for ONE we stayed for exactly ONE night..what?? we're cheap asses.
The bed was nice but it wasn't MY bed (I am just NEVER fucking happy) and it didn't have a microwave...sadly, I would have preferred something like the Amerisuites..I know.."ungrateful bitch"..blah blah blah

We also felt pressured by the aforementioned friend to have sex once we got there..she figured that since SHE didn't have sex on her wedding night SOMEBODY was going to..she would have stayed in the room to ensure that we did if I would have let her...I'm serious.
We ended up eating cake..nope, they didn't have silverware in the room..I guess it was romantic, then we watched TV and fell asleep...

We are so fucking sexy

And you are so fucking jealous of it!!!